I don't know what Travis is doing here or why he refuses to leave but we are currently sat at the kitchen table, I have the biggest plate of sandwiches you have ever seen in your life sat in front of me as Travis gazes at me expectantly and all I want to do is cry.
"I'm not hungry, I think I'm sick"
"You passed out, you need to eat to keep your strength up" he taps the table impatiently
"Why do you care?" I ask as I push the plate away from me and he immediately pushes it back
"Just eat some"
"I'm not hungry!" I push the plate back to him but once again he returns it
"Eat. Now. Before I get paranoid about my sandwich making skills"
"Travis, I appreciate your concern but if I eat it I will vomit right now, right in front of you"
"Don't worry, I will hold your hair back if that happens" he rolls his eyes and then fixes me with a gaze that lets me know he's not leaving until I eat but my heart is pounding as I try to calculate how many calories must be in that sandwich, rye bread, cheese, pastrami, mustard... my mind spirals at the fat content of the cheese alone and I can feel myself wanting to scream at him in frustration.
I can't eat that, I know he's trying to help but he's making it worse. He's making me feel worse.
"This is my house and I don't want you here!" I suddenly blurt out, he takes the impact of my words and then picks a piece of pastrami from my sandwich and pops it in his mouth before stretching out his legs and looking at me with a bored look on his face
"Two bites and I will go"
"I want you to leave now. God after everything you have done to me I shouldn't have let you in at all"
"You probably shouldn't have but you did"
"And now I want you to go"
"Two bites and I'm gone"
"Travis!" I all but scream at him as I slam my hand down on the table
"Taylor!" He yells back and slams his hand down
"Don't mock me!" I can't help the way my voice shakes as my eyes fill and I want to scream at how emotional I have become recently
"Taylor..." He reaches over the table and touches my hand but that just makes the tears fall over my lower lids and trickle down my cheeks in another show of weakness "Tay..."
That nickname, the same one he used the night we... the night he took my virginity as part of some sick game and now here he is sat in my house, making me sandwiches I don't want and trying to force me to eat them, touching my hand as though everything is okay, as though he didn't ruin already everything
Tearing my hand away from his, I push myself to my feet
"I don't want you touching me, I don't want your nicknames and I DON'T WANT THESE!" I scream whilst picking up the plate of sandwiches and throwing them against the kitchen wall causing the plate and the assorted food to explode all over the room, one piece bouncing back and hitting me hard in the face making me cry out and grab hold of myself
"Fuck are you okay?" Travis jumps up from his seat and grabs me by the shoulders, taking hold of my hand and pulling it away from my face "Shit!" He moves me through the kitchen to the sink and takes off his short sleeved denim shirt, holding it under the running water he then moves it to my cheek and applies pressure and the gentle look on his face as he tends to the wound proves to be my breaking point as tears flow freely down my cheeks and my chest heaves as I sob against him
"Taylor I'm so sorry" he whispers into my hair as his free hand moves around my waist and pulls me to him "If any of this is my fault I'm so, so sorry"
Lifting my hand to his chest I push him away from me as hard as I can, throwing his shirt at him in the process
"If any of this is your fault? All of this is your fault" it's not true but having him this close whilst my humiliation at his hands still consumes my mind and the smell of destroyed sandwiches makes my stomach roll back and forwards is causing me to feel claustrophobic, like I need to get out of this house, away from Travis, away from everyone and everything in my life.
Turning from him I pause long enough for his hands to grab hold of my shoulders as his lips whisper my name in my ear but I feel hot all of a sudden, and his words sound fuzzy as a small black dot appears on the horizon and then moves full speed towards me, my knees go loose and then everything fades to black.
