I'm sitting on Taylor's bed waiting for her to come home from dinner. I have been here ever since my conversation with her mother, which must have ended about 20 minutes ago but time is moving so slowly it feels though I have been sat here for at least 20 years.
I run what I'm about to say backwards and forwards in my mind, try different words, different phrases, different lies but nothing sounds right, nothing sounds like something Taylor would believe coming from me.
I rest my head in my hands and give in to the darkness of my thoughts, the blackness of my emotions, I won't protect anyone other than Taylor, if i'm going down then i'm taking every fucker with me.
"Travis!"
I was so lost in the dark that I didn't hear Camila enter the house or climb the stairs or even open the bedroom door but I see her now, standing there, surprised to see me, her bun messy, her t-shirt baggy, her track bottoms baggy but she looks beautiful, in the way only Taylor can be, her eyes tired but alive for me, the smile on her lips is for me, only for me
"What are you doing here? How did you get in?"
"Your mom invited me over for a chat once you headed out to dinner"
No more lying to protect other people, this is about me and Taylor, we are the only ones that matter in this, everyone else can start paying for the sins they have committed against us.
"Did she tell you that I told her about Quinn?" I nod "I didn't tell her anything about you, I promise, just what he did to me"
"Taylor it's fine. No more lying, okay? I don't regret what I did, in fact if I could go back, knowing what I know now I would have hurt him so much more"
"So you aren't mad?"
"No baby, I'm not mad" She rushes across the floor to me and sits on my lap with her arms around my neck and I allow myself this moment with her, I deserve this moment.
"She wants me to go to police, I won't though, I would never do that"
"Taylor, honey, you do whatever you think is right, you are the one that has to live with this"
'You're what's right' she says gently as she smiles against my neck and i tighten my arms around her and let my eyes drop shut as i take her in, the feel of her tiny body in my arms, I can feel now how small she is, how much smaller than she should be and I curse at myself for not noticing sooner, I could have helped her the way she has helped me but I was so wrapped up in myself and my own healing that I ignored what was right in front of me.
My girl doesn't eat, she's wasting away right before my eyes and i was oblivious to it, even the times I had her naked under me I didn't notice, too blinded by my own lust to see her. Well I see her now, I feel her and from now on it's all about her.
"Taylor why didn't you tell me the dexaprine was yours?" She pulls away from me suddenly and looks at me as her cheeks blush scarlet
"It isn't!"
"Taylor..."
"I swear!" she jumps up from my lap and looks at me, her eyes wide, like a deer caught in the headlights
"No Taylor don't do that, don't lie to me"
"Travis I swear..."
"Don't lie to me!" My voice is louder than i had intended but I meant it when i said no more lies "I'm not mad, I'm just scared. Scared of what they are doing to you, scared of what you are doing to yourself"
"I'm fine" she says against her shoulder and I stand up from the bed and shake my head "You aren't fine, i just didn't realise it until now "I've been selfish Taylor, I have been so caught up in the way you have been helping me that I haven't done the same for you"
