So Taylor went on the date with 'college guy'
I take a swig of my beer and let that sink in.
She's now at dinner with a very blond, very hairy 'hipster' that looks old enough to be her father and I'm sat at home wallowing in that fact.
How do I know so much?
Well Eva ever so kindly keeps tagging me in Instagram post after Instagram post of the happy event.
I take another swig as I remember the first post of the evening, the three girls and the three guys grinning into the camera. That bastards arm around Taylors waist. His grimey smile hidden beneath what I'm sure he thinks looks like a very cool, very sophisticated beard but what I think looks more like his eyes peering over the top of a sheep's ass.
Yeah, yeah, I'm jealous, laugh it up!
The second photo I was tagged in was just Taylor and the guy chatting at dinner. Why tag me in it? Because Eva's a bitch that's why, I'm learning that very fuckin quickly.
I drain the rest of my beer and then check my phone.
Zero messages which is very fuckin annoying because I text Taylor about an hour ago asking how it was going.
Too well to spare a thought for me that's how its fuckin going.
I should never have gone over there, I should never have opened myself up by admiting I didn't want her to go. What a whiney fuckin bitch I sounded.
'Don't go Taylor please. Come with me instead. Please Taylor, please'
How fuckin pathetic?
Pathetic enough to spend the rest of the night acting like I don't exist.
I pop open another bottle then take a huge gulp.
I'm not mad at Taylor for going, in fact she went back in and told her friends she wasn't. That was my second mistake, I shouldn't have given her the option to speak to them I should have thrown her over my shoulder and carried her off to a fancy restaurant and made sure she had such a good time she was ruined for any guy other than me but she went inside...
Fuck I hate Eva so much right now.
The sound of her nasily voice as she threatened Taylor that she would never speak to her again if she chose 'that dirty fuckin man whore' over her friends.
I heard Taylor argue back that I was just a friend...
I had never been 'friendzoned' before so didn't realise how much it fuckin stung to hear from someone you would really like to get into the 'naked in bed or on any surface zone'
I take another gulp as my phone beeps to inform me Eva Kendrick tagged me in a post.
"Fuckin spiteful bitch" I say out loud as I hear china of some kind being thrown around the kitchen and Mary starts screaming abuse at my dad.
Could this night get any worse?
I open the Instagram post and find out yes... yes it can because the latest post is Taylor with her arms around the neck of fuckin 'sheep man' as he says some shit that has her smiling that big shiney smile that I dream about.
'Heading home after the perfect night with beautiful new friends'
The post reads and before I can close my phone I'm off my bed. I move through the house quietly so as not to attract the attention of my dad or his wife and then I'm out the front door and stalking down the street, one destination in mind- The Swift House and only one aim, to perform a smash and grab.
Smash the man, grab the girl
********************
Lucky for me but very unlucky for the hairy dipshit I arrive at Taylors house just in time to see them approaching the porch.
I want to be calm and be the better man but jealousy and a beer buzz is not a good mix and I know if he tries to kiss her he's going to end up like mush under my fist.
I watch as they talk, she's definitely flirting... or is she nervous...its hard to tell from this distance so I move a little closer.
He likes her, he's laying it on super thick and I'm 30 seconds from being sick or...
Oh shit, my feet are moving
Fuck I'm walking towards them...
"Hey, Swift!..."
What the fuck am I doing???!!!
I'm stalking towards them like I fuckin own this girl and her dates face has just turned from pink to grey.
Surprise motherfuckers, you have a welcome home party waiting and I'm throwing it.
