I walk slowly through the hallways, digesting the information that I will never see Travis in here again.
I will never see him roughhousing with Brian or heading to the bathroom with Britney or sitting on the field playing guitar with Connor.
He's gone
Expelled
And it's all my fault.
Reaching my locker I open it and exchange a few books with ones I carry in my back pack.
For some reason my bag feels so heavy I want to drop it to the ground but I don't, I hold on to it and then reach for the clear plastic bag that lies in the corner of my locker. Just as I reach for it and place a pill into my mouth I feel a hand on my side and I panic, choking loudly whilst reaching into my back pack for my bottle of water
"Hey it's okay"
I hear Britney's voice but my mind is too caught up in trying to help me breathe. I gulp down another mouthful of liquid and then cough loudly once, twice; thrice and when I look up Britney is still there, she hasn't run off to laugh about this with her friends she just looks at me with concern and I'm not sure how to feel about that
"Are you okay?"
I nod
"I heard about Travis"
I nod again not wanting to give her anymore information than she needs
"Is he Okay?"
I nod again
"Did you hear about our math class?"
I whip my head in her direction wondering what she means but without the strength to ask
"It got moved from 4b to... Mr.Quinns old room"
"No!" I look up at her and then to the door and know she sees the panic right there on my face
"Taylor..."
"No!" I search my locker for my phone wanting to call Travus but then remember my father took it and I have no escape "it's too soon"
Britney's hands come down on my shoulders, her over whelming perfuming confusing my senses
"I can call Travis" she says " go wait outside I will call him"
I struggle to pull my senses together, to recognise Britney from the bitch she had been to me for the first months of the year
"No, he doesn't need this" I protest but her hands come down on my shoulders, her face so close to mine, her gaze burning into me
"He wants this" she tells me " he wants you"
"I can't go in there" I tell her, my eyes burning with tears
"Neither could I" she replies "but it gets easier"
I wrap my arms around her, so confused as to how Britney, the girl that goaded and humiliated me is now holding me and comforting me
"Go" she tells me "I will call Travis, I will make an excuse just go"
I hug her tightly and nod against her shoulder
"Thank you" I whisper against her
"Go"'she replies and i rush in the direction i hope Travis is coming from
"Thank you" I repeat
"Go Taylor, whist you still can"
***********************
"Hey Brit" I slide into the booth opposite to where the blond sits and discreetly look around to make sure there's no one from school here that's likely to let Taylor know where I am before I get the chance to.
"So Kelce, you haven't changed at all sneaking around to meet the ex whilst your current is elsewhere" she smiles and I know she's joking but that shit isn't funny when Taylor's involved
"Brit don't joke about that stuff, that isn't what this is and you know it" I look around again aware I'm making myself look suspicious especially when Taylor doesn't have a phone so someone would have to actually hunt her down to tell her but I can't help worrying. Things are going too well right now, the last thing I need is gossip ruining it.
"Okay so you don't want to get me naked... unfortunately" she winks as I roll my eyes "So what do you want with me?" She taps her long red nails on the table and then pops her gum and looks around as though I'm boring her and I can't help but laugh
"I actually wanted to thank you"
"Really?" She looks at me with scepticism and I can't blame her but it's the truth
"Really. What you did for Taylor the other week and today as well. I just want you to know I appreciate it
She lifts one very thin eyebrow at me "Really?"
"Yes, really. If it wasn't for you..."
"Yeah" she takes a sip of her orange soda and looks around uncomfortably "So you guys decided not to tell anyone?"
"Let's just say we came to an agreement with Quin"
"Because you hurt him?" I just nod "Good"
"Why didn't you tell?"
"Come on Travis, look at me. Who the fuck is going to believe a girl like me would ever say no to anyone?"
I cringe knowing it's true, knowing what people say about her and knowing the part I have played in that perception
"They would say I wanted it, I enjoyed it, the fact I was 16 and he was 25 wouldn't mean shit when it was a 'girl like me'"
"Brit..." I reach over and hold her hand not caring how it looks anymore "I made him pay, believe that, he was begging for his life by the time I got done with him"
"Thank you. I mean I know you did that for Taylor but thank you"
I squeeze her hand and watch as tears form behind the barrier of black eyeliner
"Brit I'm so sorry for the way I have treated you this year" it dawning on me for perhaps the first time how I have used her for nothing more than her body when she was worth so much more
"Are you kidding?! Travis, what we had was as close to a high school romance as I have ever got. I know it wasn't like it is with Taylor, it was just sex but it meant something to me" I nod again, her words not really making me feel any better "You mean something to me"
"Yeah I know"
We sit in silence, our hands still joined
"She's changing you" she says all of a sudden and I can't help but smile
"I know"
"You deserve her"
"Well I don't know about that but I want to" Britney stands up slightly and then leans over and places a chaste kiss on my mouth, I don't kiss her back, I know what she's saying
"Bye Travis" she sits back down and I smile as a way of letting her know I get it. Whatever we had is finished, she's accepting that and moving on
