5 text messages, 5 dm's and 3 missed calls later Taylor finally agrees to meet me.
I have no car, my house is a no go zone as is hers apparently and obviously I don't want to do this in public so we are now sat on a picnic table in the middle of the local nature reserve. We walked here separately as agreed and that gave me 45 minutes to put my thoughts into some kind of order that my mouth might actually be able to communicate to her.
"I'm sorry for jumping you yesterday" are the first words over my lips and she just looks at me with a blank look on her face and nods.
Don't do that Taylor, don't look at me as though I'm nothing and nobody to you, not when you are quickly becoming everything to me
"What was Daves game? He seems to have taken a liking to swooping in and rescuing you"
A shadow of something moves over her face and although I don't recognise it I immediately know I don't like it
" I didn't walk for 45 minutes just to talk about Mr. Quinn Travis"
She taps her fingernails impatiently on the wooden table but keeps her gaze well away from me
"Yesterday wasn't planned, I mean... it wasn't part of any plan, my friends don't know it happened it was purely between you and me... and the drama teacher"
"That's how everything should have been" she says quietly as she rests her chin on her palm but still doesn't look at me
"I know that"
Fuck do I know that now!
"I made some stupid dickhead plan with Connor when I didn't know you, I wanted to take all my fury and frustration at how shit my life is out of someone or something and you were there all smiley and shiny and... I chose you" my own gaze drops to the table, my entire being hanging heavy with shame
"Do I look smiley and shiny now Travis?" She asks and I can't bring myself to lift my head
"No" I whisper
"No" she repeats and then resumes tapping her nail against the wood
"What happened after that, the date, the... everything was real. I swear to God Taylor everything was real, everything I said and did... I meant it" I want to touch her, to grab her face and make her look at me, make her see just how truthful I am being but her gaze stays down, her voice stays silent and I realise I still have work to do if I want her to believe me
"The morning after we were together... your dad came to my house. Did he tell you that?" This time her head whips up and her gaze grabs mine as though she's searching my soul for the truth
"What did he say? What did he do?"
"He said that you had told him about my 'situation' with my dad. I reacted badly, I admit it. I should have spoken to you but I felt so betrayed. I gave you the darkest part of my truth and you just handed it over to your dad like It was nothing"
"It wasn't like that I swear. I didn't want to tell him but he kept going on about how you were a bad influence and how you weren't welcome at our house, I knew you felt safe and happy with us and I didn't want you to lose that so I told him thinking it would change his mind"
