I walk the short distance from Liam's car to my front door unsure what is going to greet me.
Travis was coming over to talk to my mother and by the way mama was sniffing when she called and asked me to come home it seems like the visit didn't go well.
My stomach churns with an anxiety I am familiar with and the fruit salad I ate for breakfast with Liam starts to feel like lead in my stomach
"Mom?" I call as I push the door open, it doesn't take long for me to spot her, sitting with her head in her hands at the kitchen table "Mom?" I walk to her side and place a hand on her shoulder and she spins in her seat and throws her arms around me and hugs me like I might disappear from her life at any time
"Taylor..."
"Is this about Travis? Did he say something that upset you?"
"No he... he was very kind to be honest, all things considered" she wipes her nose and shakes her head "We let him down Taylor, I let him down"
"Yeah you did" it's the truth, it's not pretty and it might hurt but not half as much as Shawn's been hurt in his life
"I want to explain to you Taylor, why this has been so hard for me. No one knows about this except your dad"
I feel my heart begin to race in fear of what I'm about to hear but my moms reaction to Travis has been extreme and out of character so I feel it's only fair she gets the chance to explain, so I take a seat next to her and when she takes my hand in hers I don't pull away
"When I was 16 I was quite the thing, all short skirts and attitude, my parents couldn't tell me black without me say it was white. I thought I knew everything, wouldn't listen to anyone"
"I would have liked to have known you then" I say with a giggle but she shakes her head
"I would sneak out of the house, go to parties, hang around with guys way older than myself. One summer I met this guy on the beach, Taylor he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life"
her eyes light up at the thought of him and I suddenly feel a pang of sadness for my dad
"he had short black hair, these turquoise eyes that sparkled like the sun on water and the most beautiful brown skin. He was like an angel send directly to me because from that first day I was the only one that had his attention and that made me feel oh so special"
"You're a beautiful women and you were a beautiful girl" I smile sincerely but her eyes flood with tears
" I thought he loved me, it didn't matter when I heard that he had stolen a car or that he had hurt a younger boy because we were in love and that love blinded me to every bad part of him"
"I'm not blind to Travis" I say, beginning to see where she's going with this
"He was the first boy I had sex with. On the beach after a party and one too many cocktails. It wasn't bad and after that it became a regular thing but our relationship wasn't special like it was before, it was grabbed moments before he was off on his motorcycle never telling me where he was going"
"Mom..."
"Let me finish Taylor because I never plan on telling this story again"
I nod and let her continue, squeezing her hand lightly to let her know that I'm here and I'm listening
"A few months later... I... I was pregnant Taylor"
"Oh my God!" I drop my mothers hand and smack my palm against my mouth in shock
"He didn't want to know. He yelled and called me stupid and too immature to know what I was doing, said he should have known better than to go with someone just out of diapers themselves. It was an awful argument"
"Oh my God mom, I hate him, I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve that, it was his fault too!"
"Anyways the next day I saw him making out with a friend of mine and I was left alone with a baby growing in my tummy and no one to tell because I knew my family would disown me. I was 16, unmarried, I was terrified"
"What did you do?! What happened to your baby?"
"He was a boy" tears stream down her cheeks "I lost him at 5 months before anyone knew. I gave birth to him alone on the beach. When he came I knew he wouldn't cry but nothing prepared me for the silence. His tiny body in my arms making no sound, no gasping for air, no cries for his mommy just silence. I was 17. 1 year later I met your dad and he saved my life the way I couldn't save my baby's"
She rests her head in her hands and sobs, trying to hold them into her chest but her pain too strong to allow her to keep it to herself
"What did you do with your baby?" Tears are dripping from my chin as I think of my mother terrified and alone in the dark with her silent baby in her arms
"I wrapped him as tightly as I could to keep him safe and warm and left him at a local hospital. Walking away from him was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life"
I throw my arms around her and we both cry loudly for the loss of her baby, my brother and for everything my poor mom went through on her own
"When I heard the trouble Travis got into it took me back there, every time I saw him I thought of Matteo, every time I thought of the two of you together I saw you sat alone on a beach just like I was"
"Travis isn't like that mama, he isn't the boy that broke your heart, he's the boy that's healing mine"
"I see that now. Taylor I'm so sorry. I let my past blind me and I let you both down. Travis needed someone to save him from his home"
"I did" I whisper "Now let us be together, please, I need to be with Travis"
