I don't know what the fuck I'm doing right now but for some reason my feet seem to be taking me in the direction of Taylors house.
Every now and then I gain enough control over them to stop and begin to turn around but then once again they start moving and they are just taking me closer and closer to her.
As I round the corner the white building comes into sight and I can't help but smile as I think of the times I spent there with her family, the games I played with her sister and then the things we did in her room.
"Kelce!" I turn to see who's speaking to me and find one shiny, blond haired drama teacher sucking on a cigarette and blowing his smoke in my direction.
It's about an hour since it all went down at the track so what the fuck is he still doing here?
I chew the inside of my mouth and just stare at him, waiting for him to speak
"You are the last person she needs to see right now, turn around and get back to school before i give you a month full of detentions"
"Thanks for the advice sir, but I'm not very good at doing as I'm told" I start to head towards the house again when his voice causes me to turn back to him
"I know what you did, the little game you played with her"
"Sorry Dave but you know fuck all" this time I don't move I just stare him down and wait to hear where this conversation is actually going
"It's your fault she collapsed today"
Yeah I figured that much but hearing someone actually say it stings.
"You're a loser Kelce, you are going nowhere in life and you saw Taylor, knew she had everything you wanted and decided it would be fun to drag her down to your level"
Forget 'stings' the truth being said out loud like that hurts like a mother fucker.
"Leave her alone, I'm warning you"
I'm over by his car, his tie wrapped around my fist and my mouth to his ear before he even his time puff out is disgusting cigarette smoke.
"Don't ever think you can warn me about anything Dave, I don't care who you are, where you work or how much detention you can give me. I don't take orders from anyone. Got it?" I release his tie and then stomp towards Taylors house, fury blazing through me
"You're about to start taking orders from me Kelce!" He shouts, throwing out his cigarette butt and then pulling away so fast his tyres screech and the smell of burnt rubber replaces the smell of his smoke.
I will deal with that asshole later but for now I need to deal with Taylor.
Walking the final distance to her house I try to get my head in order, I don't really know why I'm here but I know I need to see her. Neither of her parents cars are in the driveway so I'm assuming she's alone which makes this easier.
Pulling a deep breath in through my nose and then letting it slowly out of my mouth I take hold of the door handle and then just barge in.
She's lying on the sofa with a woolly blanket pulled over her and the most animated look of surprise on her face that I have ever seen as she gasps my name but my heart is beating too quickly, I'm nervous and when I'm nervous I'm an asshole.
"What the fuck happened to you?" I demand to know and she frowns then stutters a couple of times "Why'd you collapse?"
"Mr.Quinn thinks it was dehydration, apparently thick tracksuits and hot temperatures can do that" she smiles a little and I realise how much I have missed her real, genuine smile
"You got water?" She holds up a bottle "drink it" I don't mean it to sound as harsh as it does but she begins gulping down the liquid and I feel better knowing that she's doing something to help herself
"Mr.Quinn thinks..."
"Fuck what he thinks, what did the nurse say?"
" I didn't go to the nurse"
What the fuck?!
"You collapsed, hit your head from what I hear in swoops Dave Quinn who carries you off why the fuck didn't he take you straight to the nurses office?" She shrugs but that's not good enough for me "So where exactly did he take you?"
"To his classroom"
That absolute piece of shit...
"And then???"
"He just said he would bring me home"
"Why didn't he call your parents?" This doesn't add up, not in any way that doesn't make me want to smash his skull in at least. Again she shrugs and I notice that she's trembling so I take a step closer, wanting to be right beside her, holding her but I know the danger of that
"You're shaking"
"I'm cold"
cold? It's a red hot Spring day, she's wearing the biggest sweatshirt I have ever seen on a girl and she's lying underneath a blanket, how can she possibly be cold?
"Maybe you are getting sick, maybe that's why you collapsed. Have you eaten?"
"I'm not hungry, maybe you're right, maybe I am getting sick" I don't stop to hear any more, I walk away from her, head into the kitchen and start searching the cupboards.
I don't know what the fuck I'm doing but it feels right... it feels good... and I should know better than to allow myself to feel that
