"I will have to thank Britney for lending Connor to us earlier"
I'm sat between Travis' legs, his back is against a tree and we are enjoying an early evening date approved by my mother following an earlier 'fake date' with Connor
"I think he was pleased to get away from her, from what I hear she pretty much wants him naked 24/7"
Travis runs his fingers from my shoulders to my elbows and I hear him chuckle lightly as my body trembles beneath his touch
"Does it bother you that they are having sex and we aren't right now?"
I close my eyes and wait for his answer but it takes him less than half a second to tell me no, it doesn't bother him and I grin like an idiot as he wraps his arms around my shoulders and chest
"As long as I have you like this that's all I care about" he whispers whilst pressing a kiss against my temple
"It's not forever" I assure him
"Take as long as you need I'm not going anywhere"
He kisses me again and then tangles his fingers with my own.
"Travis, have you ever tried searching for your mom? Like even just on social media or anything" I hear his breathing pause as his heart thumps wildly against my back
"No" his reply is just a breath against my neck as I feel him shifting uncomfortably behind me
"Why not? One click and you might find all those years worth of answers"
"And what if they are the answers I don't want?"
"Then at least you would know" he begins drawing patterns on the back of my hand and I know he's in a conversation that he doesn't want to have but knowing what I do I feel the need to press on
"Taylor, in my mind, my mom and Aaliyah are in Portugal, safe with her family, away from my dad and counting down the days until they can see me again. Do you know what it would do to me if that's not the truth? If when they went and left me behind they just moved to another city or another state?"
I feel my eyes filling with tears as I realise his worst nightmare is also his truth
"In my mind I mean something to my mom, she thinks about me, cares about me, wants me, if I go searching for the truth and she's still here somewhere and she just walked away because she could and it was easy then I don't know if I could live with that"
"Travis!" I turn in his arms and wrap myself around him.
I want to kiss him and touch him and prove to him how much he means to me, how much he is worth to me but we are yet to share anything more than an innocent kiss on the cheek since I got back so I just hold him as tight and as close as possible and whisper everything he is, has been and will be to me which is everything.
********************
"Taylor you're home!" I hear mom shout from the kitchen with too much enthusiasm for it to be just an innocent greeting "Come into the kitchen I have a surprise!"
I take off my jacket and drop it onto the sofa as I walk into the room wondering what I'm about to face
"Tay!" A man wraps his arms around me, his voice and warmth familiar but so out of place I'm struggling to make sense of it
"Liam!" I pull back and look up at him unable to comprehend immediately that he's here, standing in my kitchen, in my home
"You look great. How've you been?"
"What are you doing here?" I look between him and my mom and the look on her face tells me she isn't an innocent spectator in this
"I invited him" she beams
"Why? Sorry Liam, I'm not trying to be rude but this is a huge surprise" I finally disentangle my body from his and suddenly feel uncomfortable as I look down at the flimsy shorts and t-shirt set I had worn for my date with Travis
"I understand. To be honest it was my fault I called to catch up, see how you were doing now you're home and your mom answered and we got talking"
"He's a lovely boy Taylor and English too!"
Liam laughs uncomfortably as he looks at me and then takes my hand in his "How are you doing?" He asks, his eyes filled with a genuine concern I recognise and react to
"I'm good. You?"
"The same. Coping with normality better than I thought I would"
I nod knowingly
"I was explaining to Liam that you had decided to date around for a while..."
"I'm not 'dating around'" my eyes blaze at my mother "You know that"
"She's been out with 2 wonderful boys this week alone but I doubt they are going to match up to you"
2 wonderful boys, no mention of Travis at all and then it dawns on me why Liam is here
"You want me to date him?"
"Well one date first" Liam laughs nervously
"Mom?"
"Dinner tomorrow Taylor the table is booked"
******************
Storming into my bedroom, I slam the door shut and then kick the leg of my bed in frustration unsure why my mother insists on doing this to me.
When I returned home I had felt lighter and filled with hope but now with the rules surrounding Travis and I I'm beginning to feel a familiar pressure and it's causing me to panic inside
I grab my laptop, hoping that a mindless chick flick might distract my mind but when I open it I click on Facebook instead, determined to undo the damage I might have done
"Please don't let it be too late" I open messenger and my heart leaps into my throat "shit!"
Aaliyah has read my message
Shit!
I sent it this morning before my discussion with Travis when it had never dawned on me he might not want to know the truth
Shit!
And then I see the three little dots begin to move, Aaliyah is typing, she's replying!
Shit!
Oh God!
What have I done?!
