I have never felt so fuckin pathetic in all of my life as I sit on my bed staring down at my phone.
I have spent the last 20 minutes googling 'how to regain trust' and have been presented with article after article from girly websites and girly magazines.
How the hell do girls read and believe this shit???
1. Own up to your role
Yeah well I did that and it got me nowhere
2. Make an apology plan
A what?! An apology plan??? No fuckin way!!!
I slam my phone down on to my bed, unable to stomach any more. Most guys in my situation could go to at least one of their parents for advice but not me, I have one parent that would give me drunken ramblings then a fist to the face and another that's M.I.A so as with everything in my life I'm alone, left to work it out and screw it up all on my own.
I growl in frustration.
How did I end up here, sat googling this shit when just a few weeks ago the only relationship advice I would be caught dead googling was the relationship between me and my guitar.
I walk over to the black case, unclip it and lift my pride and joy out.
If this was some teenage romcom I would write an apology song and perform it for her in front of the whole school and she would be so impressed she would fall into my arms but this isn't a movie and that definitely isn't my style.
I sit in my bed and strum the chord progression that's been haunting me recently
"You're Perfectly Wrong for me, which is why it's so hard for me..." fuck, I don't know where that came from but it couldn't be more true.
Why her? Why Taylor Swift? Why not some girl that's messed up just like me? We could fuck and drink and destroy each other but I can't do those things with her because she's somehow bringing out all these different parts of me and I don't even think she realises it.
I strum again, letting my eyes drop shut and my mind go free "Taste the poison from your lips..."
I think back to earlier,Taylors lips on mine, my hands right where I needed them to be, on her, always on her
I don't know how to fix this.
I drop my guitar next to my phone and see there's a notification
Taylor_Swift added to her stories
I can't help but smile like an idiot as I open up the app and hope it's some subtle message aimed at me
Or maybe a not so subtle message aimed at me... it's a selfie and holy hell does she look hot. In fact so hot I'm reconsidering the singing in front of the whole school to get her back scenario and then I read what she wrote under it and I know without doubt it's for me
If you want me back your going to have to ask nicer than that...
Game on Swift, I'm about to ask so fuckin nicely you won't be able to say no.
I strip my shirt off and grab my guitar, posing in front of my mirror I snap a selfie, turn it to black and white for an extra moody effect and extra abs definition and then type out the message under it
Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top ...
********************
I bend over and begin my early morning stretches but as I stand up two hands wrap over my eyes and someone breathes heavily against my neck
"Guess who"
"MJ!" I pull myself away from her before twisting round and wrapping her in a hug "You scared the life out of me"
"Yeah well you deserve it, where have you been recently?"
"Around"
"Have you been keeping your head down because of what happened with Travis?"
"I guess and I was sick and then there's the drama with Eva"
"She'll come around" MJ rubs my back and looks at me sadly "it's been a rough couple of weeks for you girl"
I nod and hug her again "I missed you"
"I missed you too but guess where I have been"
"Tell me"
"In Ryan's bed. Ryan the college guy, from our triple date disaster"
"It wasn't a disaster"
"Well Travis left one hell of an impression on Jared that's for sure but then again so did you. He asks about you all the time. Are you sure you don't want to give it a go with him? College guys are a lot more mature than high school guys. He wouldn't be making any dumb bets with his friends that's for damn sure"
"Definitely not. He just wasn't my type"
"So who is your type? I'm assuming Kelce is a thing of the past"
I take in a deep breath and begin chewing the inside of my mouth wondering what to say and what not to say. The situation with Travis has been weighing on my mind though and it would be nice to talk to someone I can trust but just as she's fixing me with her 'spill' gaze I see Mr. Quinn approaching
"Taylor" is the only word he says whilst motioning his head towards my black track pants and grey zip up track top.
"Yes sir" I reply and I see a glint in his eyes as he walks away but never takes his eyes off me
"What was that all about?" Asks MJ as she scrunches up her nose
"He thinks I passed out last week because I wear the wrong clothes for running in, he was just reminding me I guess" that version of things is a lot easier to explain that the truth. In fact I don't even know what the truth is. Why's he's taken such an interest in me? I can guess but the very thought of a teacher looking at me like that was has my stomach doing anxious somersaults
"Yeah well the tracksuit is a disgrace Taylor but something tells me your well being isn't why he wants rid of it. Do you know in drama class he lets everyone call him Dave and he has parties in his garden and invites some of the seniors? The guy is seriously creepy, keep well away from him"
I look across to where he stands, still looking at me as I begin to lower the zip of my track suit top, feeling like I'm stripping for him and that thought makes me want to vomit. I don't want to take it off, I don't want him to look at me like he is right now so I turn my back to him and then just pull down the zip and drop the top the ground, I'm just about to pull off the pants when MJs hand wraps around my wrist
"Taylor, leave the bottoms on Creepy Quinn is watching you like it's a strip show, don't give him anything else to gawp at"
I look over my shoulder to Mr. Quinn and he's literally looking at me as though I'm food so I take MJs advice and leave my track pants on as I once again begin stretching
"We need to catch up properly" MJ informs me "You need to tell me all about Travis. Message me, let's do something"
I nod in agreement and then look back to Mr. Quinn who is now typing on his phone. He quickly puts it away and I hear my phone beep. I pick it out of my bag and see I have 1 new dm. When I see who it's from my hands begin to shake. I open it. My heart catching in my throat as I read his words
