Times like these really hammer it home to me that I am pretty much all alone in the world.
I have news, good news for once but I don't have one person to call and share it with, no mom, no dad, no siblings, no girlfriend.
I reach for my phone, my lock screen is a picture of Taylor lying in bed smiling at me as though I'm someone that means something and I'm trying my hardest to be that for her but right now it feels as though I'm barely keeping hold of her
Our relationship that had been so all consuming that it had changed every part of me and inspired me to change my life is now reduced to messages and selfies and to say that's not satisfying me would be like saying I have been in a little bit of trouble through my almost 19 years of life.
"Fuck it!" I say out loud before opening my phone and typing a message, sending it before I can change my mind.
TK: can we FaceTime? I have news
She's FaceTiming me within seconds and I can't help but grin at her eagerness
"Travis are you okay? What's the news?"
Her face is flushed and covered with concern but I can't speak, I just gaze at her as though it's the first time I ever laid eyes on her
"Travis? Trav you're scaring me, what's the news? What's going on?"
Her blue eyes are wide as she sucks on her bottom lip, obviously expecting the worst
"You look beautiful" I finally manage to say and she giggles as she twirls a curl around her finger and I get lost in my memories of the times my fingers were tucked into her hair
"Thanks, you look great too" she smiles and I wipe self consciously at the oil I know is streaked across my face
"I look a mess but thanks"
"You look like a working man and that's hot"
She giggles again and I feel myself already straining against my overalls
"So my news, it's good... for once"
"Oh!" Her eyes widen again and she grins down at me
"Fuck I miss you Taylor" I can't help but say it, I mean it, it's all I can think looking at her now
"I miss you too" she whispers and her eyes become wet and shiny "Your news?"
"Oh yeah" I snap back to the here and now "I got a gig. It's just at a bar and it's unpaid but it's a start... right?" Suddenly I feel silly for being so excited, for calling her like it's some big deal but I look at her in my phone and she has tears streaming down her cheeks
"Travis!" She gasps.
She gets why it's a big deal.
I should have known that she would get it
"Oh my God Travis. That's amazing! You have no idea how proud I am of you"
I just nod that I do, fearing I might start crying too
"This is everything to you"
She knows me. She's the only one that's ever known me
"I want to be there"
I nod again and grin so big I think my face might split open
"It's next month"
"I will be there, I promise you I will"
"Listen Taylor..." I take a few deep breaths as I prepare to shoot my shot knowing there's a good chance I will be turned down this time.
"Yes?"
"I know this is maybe getting ahead of myself but I was wondering..." I see her lips begin to lift and that settles my nerves slightly "dinner? To celebrate?... please?" I sound pathetic I know but I got the words out when half way through I wasn't sure that I would
"I would like that"
Thank fuck!
I almost gasp with relief but she's not smiling, she looks unsure of something and I feel my pulse speed up again
"I have to tell you something first"
"Okay" I say whilst feeling like it's going to be anything but okay
"I was just talking to my mom about dating"
"Dating me or dating someone else?" Say someone else like I'm about to combust
"Dating anyone"
I feel my temper beginning to rise
"And she said?"
"She said I could date you"
Yes! Thank the Lord!
"As long as it wasn't exclusive and I dated other guys"
"You're kidding me right?" My temper calms and a blankness fill my mind. "Even after everything I did, everything I have done I'm not good enough for them"
"Travis..."
"Forget about it Taylor. I'm sorry, I know this isn't your fault but... I can't deal with this right now. I have to go"
I don't give her the chance to argue, I end the call and then throw my phone across the room.
No matter what I do or how much I think I have changed or how far I have come there always seems to be someone standing ready to remind me that I'm Travis Kelce, I'm the bad boy loser that's not worthy of having anything good in his life.
The fact that this time it's Taylors parents making me feel this way just hurts a little bit more
