I button up my overalls for work and then drop onto my bed to pull on my boots and get ready to face day 1...
My first day without Taylor
I try to work out how I feel, what I think About everything that happened but I feel numb, almost as though the last 4 months had never really happened at all and they were just some vision of what my life could be but never would be
I look to my tattered knuckles and think back to how it felt to finally do to my father what he had spent my lifetime doing to me and I can't remember, I just feel cold, empty, emotionless, like when Mrs. Swift took Taylor from me she took everything that made me human and just left behind a Travis shaped shell
I can hear Mary and my father talking downstairs and I know I will have to face them sooner or later, so I run my fingers through my hair, put on a baseball cap and then head down, not sure what I will face but unable to find it in myself to care, part of me hoping he hits me, hoping for pain, thinking it would be better to feel pain than this nothingness I have been left with
When I arrive downstairs my father is sat in his usual worn, red chair nursing an early morning whiskey. His eyes are swollen almost shut and his face is a mass of purple, red and blue marks and his nose looks twisted to an odd angle
"How does it feel?" I ask as I stand in the doorway
"It feels good" He tells me "It feels like I raised a real man not some pussy"
"You raised a monster" I reply and then turn to leave
"Like father like son" he says under his breath and then slurps loudly on his drink
As I grab my phone up from the counter I see I have 2 missed calls from Britney and a text, as I open it I worry something has happened to Connor, it's pretty clear those two are a couple now and when i read 'Call me ASAP' I feel like my fear was right
"Is it Connor?" I ask as soon as she answers by saying my name
"It's Taylor"
My heart drops hard into my gut at the sound of her name and I hurry out the front door, not wanting my father or his wife to hear a word of this
"What about Taylor?" I ask trying to keep the emotion that just surged through me from reaching my voice
"I'm at school and I just heard her friend MJ talking, she was crying to that Eva saying that Taylor is leaving"
"What?!" I almost drop my phone with shock as I struggle to press the button to open my car
"Something to do with not eating enough or something so her parents are sending her somewhere, I don't know, I was trying to eavesdrop but there was a lot of crying and sniffing going on"
I don't wait to hear anymore, i pull my car door open, jump in and drive as fast as humanly possible to the Swift house.
When I arrive I see Taylor's mom carrying bags to the car so know immediately Brit was right and all the emotion i had been supressing since last night hits me like a freight train and red is all I can see
" You told me you were going to take care of her " I yell and Mrs. Swift spins to look at me in surprise
"Travis..."
"You said walk away and let her family take care of her, Is that what you are doing? you're taking care of her right now? Because from where I'm standing it looks more like you're sending her away"
"Taylor needs professional help Travis, surely you can see that" she places the bags into the trunk and then slams it shut and rests her hands on the white body of the car
"All i can see are lies. Was this all a trick to break us up? The heartfelt speech, the 'If you love her you will let her go' all designed to make me the bad guy once again, the guy that broke Taylors heart at a time when she was crumbling into a million broken pieces on her own?"
"Keep your voice down Travis, she's inside and she's fragile right now, she doesn't need to hear any of this"
"Or maybe she needs to hear all of this" I seethe between my teeth "I trusted you to help her"
"We are doing what's best for our daughter"
"What? Sending her away? Wheres's she going eh? Some nameless mental health facility where she will be surrounded by people she doesn't know and people who don't know her? She will be on her own when she should be with people that love her"
"Like you?"
"Exactly like me!!!" I stare at Taylors mother so hard and with such fury I'm surprised she doesn't burst into fames and then crumble into a pile of ashes
"Travis..."
I turn around and see Taylor standing at her front door, her jacket on, her purse in her hands.
Leaving...
Leaving me and i feel my knees almost give way at the sight
"Taylor..." I move towards her and she gives me a small smile, it's not the one I'm used to but it's genuine, it's enough "I won't let them do this, I won't let them take you"
"Travis it's fine"
"It's fuckin not fine! It's wrong Taylor, it's all wrong, I was wrong, I shouldn't have listened to your mom, I shouldn't have broken up with you. You need me..." I take hold of her face gently "and I need you, so fuckin much"
We press our foreheads together and stay silent for what feels like an eternity
"Stay with me Taylor please, please don't leave me"
"Taylor honey we have to go"
I turn my head to look daggers at her mother but she has her back to me as she slides into the drivers seat
"Stay" I whisper against her mouth before kissing her hard "Please stay"
"I can't" she replies as she pulls her face from mine and then tangles her fingers with my own "I'm sick Travis"
"I can help you, I promise I will do everything you need me to do" she's shaking her head and I want to reach up and take hold of it so she can't tell me no anymore "I don't want you to leave me" I whisper again, this time through tears
"There will be a queue of girls around the block by the time I'm even out of sight" she laughs and I know she means it as a joke, means it to make things easier but she's wrong
"I'm not that Travis anymore Taylor, I'm your Travis, always yours"
"And I'm yours too but I'm a mess. This isn't who I am supposed to be, I need to go and heal and get well"
I know it's the truth, I know if I truly love her and want what's best for her I will let her go but I'm scared, so god damn scared that if she goes she won't ever come back.
Why does no one ever come back for me?
Why am I so easy to forget?
"I love you" she whispers and kisses my mouth
"I don't know how to live without you" I tell her, honesty dripping down my cheeks and she takes her thumb and wipes it away
"One of these days, soon, you won't have to" she kisses me again "Portugal" and again she thumbs my tears from my face
"Portugal... do you promise?!"
"Taylor let's go, I want to miss the traffic"
"Portugal, you and me, I promise!!!"
