the game

amy

when the meeting in the arena is over i pull katie into my room and then lock the door behind us.

"katie, what do you mean you like him?" i can't help my voice rising.

"i don't know, i just figured out that's what this is," katie begins.

"what do you mean you just figured it out?" i demand, pacing my room up and down.

"he... i... i wanted to kiss him," and her suntanned skin blossoms pink. she bights her bottom lip nervously.

"okay, so does everyone else, he's hot. that's just infatuation katie, that ain't love," i shake my head in commiseration. i too have felt this longing. a fleeting picture of terrence stamps itself inside my mind. i gulp and blink away the mental image.

"that's the thing, then why do i want to protect him? why do i feel so full when i'm with him? why do i want to touch him when i never like touching people? and why? why of all things, why did it have to be him," and without any more provocation she begins to cry.

i don't do well with crying. hence, why i hate children.

"there there," i approach her gingerly. "i imagine it's very humiliating to say the least. ken is nothing but a pompous player with some emotional baggage after all," i pat her back. she giggles through her tears.

"amy, my heart. it aches, how do i make it go away? if i— i act on these feeling everything will be ruined," katie sobs.

"what do you mean?" i pause my pacing.

"when i'm with him i want to dive inside his ocean eyes and dig out everything that makes his soul best," she says, her ice blue eyes fixed on me. i gulp.

"i wish i could ask him everything under the sun and i don't think it will be enough," she's still going.

"but i know deep down he wants to go back to jaden. he wants to be with his friends. i know that the moment i give in and i let him in i surrender— and then. he betrays me," the sobs are coming out less now. her voice sounds more sure.

"why are you so sure he'll betray you?" i ask tentatively.

"i like him, and his eyes look sad when he lies," she says in explanation—not a very good exploration.

"so then, whatcha gonna do about it?" i lay down on my bed and cross my legs.

"hope i have the strength to never act on it," her sobs have stopped completely now. the words out of her lips sound resolute.

"but amy, do me a favor, don't tell anyone?" she looks concerned. i smile and bow my head.

"whatever you would like," i smile but on the inside i'm screaming. the more i talk about it the more i know she's right but the more she talks about it i think she's mistaken about one thing. i've had my share of being in love, and she looks like she's got it bad. i don't think like is the word she was looking for.