the game

katie

ken shadows me, and whenever he isn't amy is. it's like having two obnoxious pets. worst of all they want to know what's running through my mind.

nothing  

or at least that's what i tell them.

"katie!" ken's hand finds me on my way to class and corners me off to another hall way.

"tell me," his eyes look different. he genuinely looks concerned. i smile sadly. it's only going to make it worse in the end.

"i need to go," i push myself around him and into the hallway.

"are you sure?" he tries to corner me once again.

"one day you're not going to be able to corner me so how are you going to get your point across?" i glare at him. he looks almost hurt.

"hey, i know what's it like to be on my own, i just wanted to help," he puts his hand up in surrender. "find someone you can tell though, okay," he finishes with these words. i'm slightly touched. i think in his own self obsessed world he has maybe made room to worry about me. it only makes my heart hurt more. there's no point in getting attached. neither of us is going to gain anything if we continue.

"ken," i finally sigh. "after luke figures out how to cure you don't come looking for me," the words come out of me fast like a faucet.

he looks at me blankly at first and then all of the sudden it's anger.

"i thought we were at least becoming friends!" ken exclaims. he races up to me now. my body begs him to leave. he smells of metal and the forest and he's looking at me in this pleading expression i can't help but return. he must see through my eyes how much this hurts. but that's as far as he'll see.

"you and i both know you want to be a part of the guard, no matter how much you want this to work you're not doing that without kally and luke by your side, and you know what that means."

"you don't know that!" his face is torn in anguish. it's odd to see such a calm face in torment.

"you don't know what i know!" it comes out of me before i can stop it. he stares at me, clearly afraid. i wanted this. i wanted him to walk away. i wanted him to shut me out like everyone does. because that's how it's supposed to be. that's what keeps me safe.