the game

Ken

My mind is a frying pan. There's this fire that i can't quench between my ribs.

"katie," i find her deep in study at the library. it's all she does now.

"why are you trying so hard for them?" and it's making me mad.

"what?" she asks, not looking up from her studies.

"everyone hates you. they bullied you and beat you and tortured you so why are you trying so hard?" my fists are clenched, blazing in electricity.

"Cuz it's not about me. they never hated me. they hated who they thought my mom was and so they thought i was the same. it's only fair to hate things you don't understand," i sit down next to her.

"no, that's not right. you should be punishing them. you should be telling them how two faced they are for caring now that you're strong!"

"they're not two faced. they don't know what they want. and they need a direction. Army has lost for so many years it's bound to build up resentment. I mean you used to hate me, didn't you?" she doesn't look up but places a finger on a passage with one hand. and begins writing on the projected screen from her watch.

"how do you know I don't now?" i'm taken aback and i let the words slip before i can help it.

"easy," now she looks at me dead in the eye. "you listened to my story and you ask me questions. you worry about me now, and your eyes don't look so cold," and then with a brief smile she continues working. i blink, my mind transfixed on her winning smile she's wearing.

"so you trust me now?" my heart beats a little faster. this is it. the moment I've been waiting for. The perfect time to capture her. i think of the needle laying in its case in my room.

"i think that hurting me will only hurt you, the question is if you're smart enough not to hurt yourself," she doesn't look up, her words muttered half hazardously.

what does she know?

"i need to go," i snap and twirl around.

"good because i can't study while you ask me questions," she laughs. it's a clear laugh that shoves my heart up my throat. And for a moment i see the mysterious beautiful girl I saw on the first day of last year. the girl I wanted to love.