the game

ken

i stay next to katie in command. various soldiers mill around the room carrying out commands.

"katie, let me be your body guard," and for the first time in weeks i hear her wind chime laugh. it's quiet and reserved. a crack in the shell that surrounds her soul.

"no, i would rather die, that's like saying i'm not strong enough. if anything needs a body guard it is the crystal," and so she reasons her own safety away.

"why do you do that?" there's this lump shoved inside my throat, this deep sting at the pit of my heart. and there's this growing butterfly tension of anger as if something is unfair. it makes me angry.

"do what?" she asks with another smile.

"you sacrifice yourself for others. i've seen you do it. you did it last year too," it makes me so mad i could spit at her. how come she's acting so high and mighty? how can she when her mother demolished our world? why won't she just take the helping hand?

i sigh and wish myself to be calm.

"i'm the oldest sibling in the family and when my parents would both be working, there was only one person to keep the household in order. and it was me. whatever my mom couldn't get the kids to do i would get them to do. whenever she couldn't get one to stop crying i would," she states. it's the first time she's talked about her family at all.

"and what does this have to do with you having a death wish?"

"the only reason why my siblings didn't misbehave is because they knew i cared and i had their best interest at heart. they knew if it came down to it, i would die for each and every one of them. i would take the blame for everything, i would be their shield against the world, i would protect them. shouldn't my team feel like my family?" she smiles at the thought and i could have sworn i see her smile.

i gulp. i don't know what to say. i've never seen my team as my family. in fact her entire time in this team she has been nothing but ostracized. it's shameful how she talks about being willing to die for people that don't care about her. she's pushing her hardest for people who will never accept her as a friend, let alone family. so why do i feel like she's sincere? that soft expression on her face. i've never seen it before. in her own way, she must love them.