the game

kally

i haven't seen terrence all level. i've heard his name along with tigris and kassie's name. there's a slow build of bitterness i feel in the air. but i don't understand why. i plunge through the floors looking for some sign of terrence. how can he be so dexterous when he's that big?

anger and fire build in my stomach first before settling throughout my limbs.

"have you seen terrence?" i ask the millionth person today.

"actually yes, only it was a while ago. i don't know where he is now. he asked me some questions," it's aurora. one of the many others in my team i have not spoken to. she keeps going on about this and that and then finally lands on tigris. now this catches my interest.

"he wanted to know about tigris' family," and then she blushes. "i hope he likes me."

i blink. the sheer drop in conversation sends me reeling.

"thanks, see you," i make my way back to my sleeping quarters. he's nowhere i can locate. he's gone. the only question now is where?

i must look panicked when my body rams into someone else. he's headed to the medical bay and he gives me a brief greeting. and then he's gone. it makes me think of Luke whom i haven't seen either. what is with today? no one i trust is there right now. kassie is doing her own thing. so is terrence. so is luke. what is happening?

there's a clawing at my insides i've never felt before. this ache for some sort of respite. a respite that i know will never come. life only gets harder. there is no easy way out. that feeling of helplessness. of being lost in quicksand. the faster i run the more i sink. that is the feeling in my chest.

i've never felt this before. when i loved ken. when i wanted to be a part of the guard. when i hated blanks. when i hated my parents. when i was angry.

i know i still exist forever in this form, but i also see the other side. the cold truth behind all of these rabid decisions i've made.

they sold us life as expendable. the weak as reprehensible. and those who demonstrate kindness as fakes. the world i grew up in tells me that no one is on my side. everyone will eat each other for power. and one day when there's no one left they'll think about what they've done.