What If love is real

Chapter 49 : Tears and Truth

Writing this Chapter made me cry a lot , Because I wrote it with so much care , thoughts and emotions hope that you will like it .. Hope that you will comment , share whatever you thinks please And a little advice listen to the song ( I posted the link above .. Its from a drama I love , The lyrics describe perfectly this Chapter ) Love uu-xx 

" Wait .. Okey I will tell you everything " I'm suddenly all brave and standing still on my feet , not scared or afraid or ashamed from all my past that I'm going to tell right now in front of everyone

Even if I'm shaking , Panicking , Scared , Terrified of this past .. I'm Done hiding it , I can't ignore it all my life , it's better facing it early than late . Everyone is here .. All the people that I know , That I considered as friends .. They can stay with me and take my back at this tough moment or will they just leave me when I'll say my dark past . What I see in their eyes right now is concern in Harry , Liam , Louis and Niall's eyes .. ,Guilt and curiosity in Zayn's eyes .. Are those tears in Lea's eyes... ? I'm not sure about anything , I Just want to get over this and get it all out once for all .

" Sandra , Let's talk outside .. I'll take you home , you can talk to Zayn Later , you don't have to say it all now .. Please " Lea stood in front of me , saying nonsense , since when she's caring about me .. Since when she's concerned about me .. Is she afraid to not tell a scoop first .

I Ignored her and turn to Zayn " I was 18 When I first met him , I was an innocent girl .. I trusted whatever was said to me . Iv' never loved anyone, until him , he was my type .. gold hair , dimples , cute smile , Sparkly eyes .. , British accent , Bad boy type " I sigh letting a tear drop from my eye
" You don't have to do that ... Not in front of everyone!! " Harry took my hand
" No its ok .. I want to , you deserve to know the truth about your friend .. Right?! No secrets between friends " I gave him a comforting smile .. Inside I know that smile was fake ..
" He was my brother's best friend .. He knew him when we spend holidays here with Jenny but I met him first when he moved to California.. I felt in Love with him and so did he ... Well that's what he maid me think " can't help the tremble in my hands and tears in my eyes , but I know I have to do it
" Sandra stop please not here " Zayn finally spoke, I gave him a mocking sight and continue with what he wanted to hear since the day we met

" He took me on a few dates , romantic ones .. He knew exactly how to play his part on the game .. Because that's what I was for him .. A game . " I close my eyes remembering the worst part in this
" Sandra " Zayn growls in between his teeth taking my hand
" What Zayn ? Stop , I'm coming with the best part .. When I will play a slut like you called me ... Can't wait a second .. " I snap at him ignoring the remarkable tremble in my words
" Well with all those dates and fun things that he has done for me , I confessed my love to him , that's exactly what he was waiting to hear from me .. After that day , he changed ,he became so rude , jealous  , we started fighting a lot than normal couples , he hit me not once , not twice but many times .. he left some scares on me to remember him " 

Common Sandra you're stronger than that , you can do it .. I took a deep breath and continue with finally the painful part ... "  this night when my world collapsed , mom was holding a party at home .. they were so many people .. I was all dressed up and beautiful for him , he said he has something so important to say let's talk in Private Sandra ... I followed him like a fool " I stop letting all the memories pass in front of me like a movie , I was the main actress . 

Everyone was looking at me , they were all in shock , they are giving me this look to stop talking for my sake , or they are pitying me ... " We went to my room , he started laughing hysterically and telling mocking words about me , how I look , I act .. how I was not meeting his standards , he deserves sexy beautiful girls like the one Sam my brother hang out with ... he said I took so much time from him , I waisted his precious time , I deserve to be punished ... , he started pushing me , punching me everywhere .. and laughing , he even had a camera recording . " 

" He took my hand so firmly in his , that I couldn't move , his other hand still holding the camera directed to my face .. I couldn't say a word , I was confused , In shock , I was also in pain and hurt .. than he said " ... 

" Sandra you're so unlucky to be Sam's brother , you're so unlucky to belong to this family, you actually deserve better , I hate Sam , I hate your Family and you were my pray ... I revenge my self and my family by hurting you , do you think your family will care if you get hit ? of course they will, or why Am I doing that  to you ?  I begged him , I cried , I ask so many questions but the only answer I get Is revenge , all of this is revenge . " I can see everyone in tears including me , but I can't see Zayn's eyes , he has his face buried in his hands , he was ashamed to look at me , so hurt to hear the truth 

" He then starts touching me with his hands , kissing me  ... and he said you know what ??? you're actually sexy I would of tried to like you if you had another family name but unlucky you , he then ripped off my clothes , I screamed but It wasn't enough for anyone to hear , everyone was downstairs , enjoying the night , loud music , having fun , while I was getting raped " I'm no longer scared , I don't have any soul or heart left , the darkness in my soul and the whole in my heart are so deep now that I'm not feeling anything . 

" After that he took away my virginity  , he left after giving me a few mocking words of course and hits , I stayed for hours alone , no one have checked on me .. they all thought I was with him , they found out the next day ...  fainted in my room , covered with blood ,  bruises all over my body .. I stayed for a week in the hospital , when I came out , I found out that my family haven't reported him , he's free .. because he could upload the video that he had on me , doing all this stuff .. and of course my rich family was afraid , they have a social life after all . You know better Lea " 

" I started drinking , taking drugs , having fun , like I should have .. And I couldn't see or touch a guy , even my brother .. I was afraid of every human being , so I went to a hospital where I stayed alone , getting treated like I need and I came out recovered physically but not mentally and emotionally and my parents decided to make me move to London , because I had to see Nate every day outside , And faint and  get humiliated because no one knew the truth , he told everyone that I was a pshyco and I went to rehab when he ditched me " I wipe away the tears in my eyes , take a deep breath and get out , I can't stand their looks , I can't take any pitiful confortement , I had enough . 

I walked faster than the wind , I needed air , I ran now instead of walking .. once outside I stretched my arms ... Breath deeply and let all the tears get out , I was finally free .. 

My tears are my heart's language when my lips cannot describe anymore how much I've been hurt