What If love is real

Chapter 54 : GoodBye

Sorry for being absent for three months , but I had a lot to do, I'm know leaving in Madrid doing my Master , its kind of hard that why I never wrote but now i'm on holidays .. please go check news story that I just uploaded "The Owner" if you liked it tell me please to continue if not then no :( love youuu

I stormed out of my bed not because of Zayn who was standing there , watching me getting tortured by my own mind but because of Nate who appeared again on my nightmares, because I felt stuck to the bed .. I was unable to move or release my self from him but it was all past , I'm fine now .

I should be alright , I have Jenny here with me , Zayn is here but I'm not sure if we are going back to where we stopped or if I should trust him again or not . I know he cares about me and I also do , and because of that I want him to remember me fine and well not depressed and scared of life and what comes next.
" I'm sorry .. " he's talking like if his soul was drown away .. And who sees me like this shouldn't be any better
" you shouldn't be here " My eyes were avoiding his .. I look weak , unstable and not yet ready to face the reality
" I had too, I needed to explain my self , I'm so sorry babe.." I cut him off when I heard this word babe seriously " oh please don't say that ! "

" say what ? " he raise a brow at my sudden rudeness
" that word .. Babe " it just make me disgusted not from Zayn but from love and what comes with it - it just doesn't seem to work with me
" Ok " he sighed and continued " I'm sorry for what I said or did ..  I was angry, out of control . I wasn't myself , I kept thinking of everything bad that could of happened and I freaked out .. I know I shouldn't touch you like that , those words were hurtful and .. " that was a long speech and I couldn't bear hearing more of it
" Zayn I know you're sorry but you were totally out of control .. What if you did what he had done to me , well you did some of it " well I'm right aren't I ? He pushed me , he insulted me and yet I'm letting him  stand here in front of me to defend himself isn't that too obvious that I like him
" Don't compare me to that piece of shit .. I'm nothing like him , I liked you so much that I confessed that I loved you without waiting for you to tell me what's bothering you or what's making you feel scared of being in a relationship .. So please I'm not like him , don't ever say that " his fist clinched, his eyes starring at me .. They were red with anger , but still looks fascinating like the first time when I saw them
" So I'm nothing to you right now .. I used to be but We're done right ? " I don't know if I seem disappointed or angry, maybe sad about what he said . I thought that starting today it will a new clean blank white page for us but its not
" what ? No no .. You're everything for me , why would I be here if I wanted it to be done ?? " he took a few steps towards me but  still hesitating if to touch me of not
" you just said it .. You were talking in the past I liked you and I loved you .. "
" I am just so nervous and I am angry because you're comparing me to that bastard .. That's why !! You know I still love you and care about  you .. Why would I even come if I don't give a shit about us ?? " he sighs, his hands clenched.. His face red and his for head full of sweet
" I don't know .. Because you're pitying me , because of everything I said and you're regretting what you did and you are just here to make sure that your conscience is right so that you will not feel guilty " I reclaimed, words skipping my mouth without thinking.. I'm rushed to say everything that I'm afraid of
"What?? Is that what you think of me ?? " he said , the surprise filing his blank expression from before
" no .. I don't know , I'm not thinking anything right now . I'm just describing what I'm seeing .. our situation "

just when he was about to leave .... I had to let it out , say something to make it easy on my broken conscious and his ... " I know Zayn .. I know that I also have some responsibility for what happened last night , I should have told you when things start to get serious between us .. But I couldn't, each time that you get closer to me , I felt guilty for hiding the truth from you but just because I was afraid that you will let me go like everyone else did " he looked back at my teary eyes and sight after running his strong hands through his black loosen hair 

" I'm not blaming you for anything .. okey, I just want you to free yourself from the past, leave everything there and live the moment, don't let that ruin your life and our chance together , I know something is going on between us and its a beautiful thing so don't let it gets ruined " he gave one of the most beautiful comforting faces I had ever received in my life ... it went straight to my heart like a healing arrow .. I felt love, passion , emotions .. 

" Zayn .. I ... " I strangled to get the words out 

" don't speak right now , give sometime to yourself to think okey " 

" why ? " , " you .. " he stopped me with a big bears hug that almost strangled me , a hug that says it all

" I just want you to rest your mind Sandra, I'm not leaving you , I have a tour coming this days, go to your home or travel or just rest here .. think about everything and I will never leave you , never .. you can also join me on tour whenever you want , and I will call you everyday okey ? " a sweet kiss was rested on my cheek before we said our last goodbyes and he left , he left me with a promise to comeback .