What If love is real

Chapter 53: The Night When ...

Two more songs and Zayn will be off stage , 10 minutes and he will be looking for me to speak , not a long time after what had happened and I'm still not ready to face him, I'm not okay about what he has done to me .. I don't know if I will be able to look at any of them specially him after what I said . I was feeling relieved at first but now that I'm about to see him .. no I'm not, I'm not sure how much time it will take me to feel comfortable again around them ... Maybe now , after hours , weeks , months or never again . I'm lost , confused , don't know what should I do .

I will just go now , and think about everything later .. When I'm alone,crying,depressing.. Hope Lea won't see me ..
I waited till she started dancing and all excited with the last song and I took a few steps forward before someone's calls my name ...
" Jenny...Hi" I breathe in and out .. I know that she will notice the sadness in my eyes
" Where have you been .. ? I looked for you all day !! " she started with her series of questions , and before I could answer she continued " Where are you going ? The concert hasn't ended yet ... oh my god and what's with Zayn and you ? He never did something like that on stage !!! He must fancy you !!! What about you hein ??? " she never stopped shaking my arms as she interrogates me .

" Jenny Stop ... nothing is between us .. I'm going home " I snap and move away from her , thank god I still have my car keys on my hand ... After Jenny's earthquake on my arms I thought I had lost them .
" Sandy wait -- what's wrong with you ?" She yelled through the loud music .. And I was meters away from where she's still standing, I know she won't run and follow me . She hates running even for an urgent matter

The drive was really not long , I was just thinking of home , my room and specially my Bed .. I want to sleep , even hibernate and never wake up again till every single one of them forget about all I've said .

I jumped on the bed , started staring at the dark sky through the big window that is facing my pillow ... The sky is clear with no stars .. It looks sad .. Empty .. With no emotions just like my present state .

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I went to Melanie's party , I want to dance , To go crazy .. I wanted to forget about Nate - I hoped that he won't follow me here ..
" Hey ... Sandra " Melanie looked surprised when she saw me at her party !!

" Hi babe " I gave her a hug to congratulate her first party
" you're here , I thought you won't be coming" she said pulling off
" why wouldn't I be coming!! Its my bestie's party !! " that's weird
" I just thought that Nate didn't want you to come " she said sure of her sentence
" what ?! Why wouldn't he and how did you knew about that ?? "
" I... Don't remember.. He or you must've said it in front of me yeah !!! " I don't remember doing that " whatever let's just enjoy the night" that was weird .
I stayed for a long moment alone, Melanie avoided me whenever I go to her , she pretends doing something more important than spending time with me , Cassie and Trisha were  outside the country , so besides the three of them I'm so alone  ...

" Really .... " I spot Nate's furious figure coming inside , his eyes turning left and right scanning the big room , obviously looking for me ..

" You're really stubborn " He said , holding my arm and forcing me to look at him

" Move your hand , we are not going to fight in here "  The last thing I want is everyone's eyes on us

"  ok .. Let's go somewhere else then " he announced , his teeth clenched

" No , I'm not staying alone with you ... go I'll call you tomorrow "

" No we are both going right now from this shitty party , I don't want you here " he groaned , his voice raise up .. I'm afraid to agree and go with him , I'm afraid to be alone with him but I'm also scared that he will get angry in front of everyone , and the last time he did ,he threw a tantrum at everyone near him

" ok Lets go ... "  My mind was forcing me to stay here , but I was thinking for us .. I just wanted to say to him once for all that its OVER .

He insisted to drive me back home , he even wanted to go up with me and see If I'm not going to go back to Mel's .. Sam,Dad and Mom were downstairs with some friends ... They greeted us , but they never ask why Nate is going up at this late time .. If only they did ..

" Ok , I'm here now ... you're fine .. then go and leave me alone Nate .." I snap trying to keep my voice low so no one can hear us

"  Why you're angry , the party was shit , your friends are not the one you need , they are lying to you .. I'm the one you need to trust babe " He said taking a few steps towards me , he was sweating , his hands were moving , even his face gestures were weird .. like if he was drugged

" Go Nate , I'm not talking to you now " I tried to convince him .. I'm starting to get scared of him , the last he was like that he bit me ... I don't want that to happen again .

" I don't want to go .. I love you .. I need you by my side .. I don't care what she told me to do .. I just care about you " who is he talking about ??...

" What are you talking about Nate ? please can you just go , Its over Nate don't you see , we're only fighting , we are not an ordinary couple .. I'm done with us "  A strong sigh came out , I feel relieved , I've never felt like that .. that's what I wanted...  to be done with him .. thats what I had to do long ago.

" What ?? NO NO NOOOO " He yelled , his hand scratching his head .. his body is shaking , he's face is so red from anger .

" Nate calm down , we will talk tomorrow ok " I'm trying to get him to relax ..

" No we're not done ... Are you out of your fucking mind " he said taking steps closer to me .. not closer but he's facing me , he cornered me beside the hard wall , his both hands on each side of my face .. that's when tears starts falling like a river from my eyes  , my body is shaking and feels so small against his strong and big chest and my voice is low and cracking to even scream for help

" Nate don't please , I'm scared please " I begged him to move away , but his fingertips were tracing from my  face to down my body ..  , he is smiling  ... even his smile was making him look crazy , weird and so evil ..   , his lips starts touching my cheeks , lips , neck .. then every little part of my body

" Nate .. please " the sound of my tears hid my cracked and pained voice

"This is exactly how we imagined it !! " Nate said as he starts ripping off my dress with one hand and shuts my mouth with another
My loudest scream was far than enough for everyone at home to hear , my screams were weak one after another .... after the first  , second , Third .... and I lost count at the fifth punch on my stomach .

I was down on the ground .. my voice couldn't come out , and my weak body couldn't move an inch to fight for life .. he was far gone at he was doing , the way he was kissing , touching me was so roguish and disgusting ..  , he was gone for a minutes but it felt like hours .. I tried to crawl to stretch my hand to open the door but I was far from succeeding, my body was in pain , blood was covering my fingers when I touched my face . I guess this is the end for me

He's back .. His face looks brighter and a pride smile is drawn on his face , he sniffs more than once living some white powder on his nose , he's on drugs , he's not awake .. Since when he's doing this shit .. Sam should know .. How did none of us ever noticed

.. I thought that he was done .. Before I saw him  starting to strips off from his skinny jeans and tear off the condom that he was playing with after that he put it on my face and wiped off the tears with his hands ...

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" Sandra wake up please " the strong hands on my arms that were shaking me .. they were real , warm and with no harm .. The scene on the nightmare was still far to come to an end ... and still clear and alive on my mind ... I've never thought that I will get reminded of it someday .. Till today .. I've forgotten that day since it has happened , I couldn't get the memory back of it .. but now I can ... And I don't want .. my eyes starts to open slowly .. I was afraid that I'm still living the scene , that it wasn't a nightmare but a reality ... as my eyes fully open , I don't know if I should be Happy , Relieved , angry or Sad seeing him in front of me .. Not only that but he also heard , watched me being tortured in my sleep .