Today was a bad day
Sometimes when I wake up I just know that it's going to be a bad day
I've had this funny little thing about predicting it since I was a kid
When I was small it was easy to tell, I'd wake up and my father would be in a mood, or storm clouds would block out the sun, but these days they sneak up on me nice and subtle.
It takes more work to pick them out now
Today I knew by the color of the clouds in the sky
To anyone else a violet cloud may only mean rain, but to me it meant doom
I don't like it when it rains, but that is a story for another day
Those dark clouds instantly made my heart sink in my chest and I honestly am ashamed to admit, I thought about turning my car around and going back home
No good day can happen when it rains, I have a theory on this, I've never once been wrong
I got to work and forgot it was mandatory weekly meeting day with Doctor Doomsday.
Strike two
My boss has a way to make even the smallest thing seem like the most massive, world-imploding crisis imaginable
Most of the time I sit next to my friend and laugh and crack jokes in the silenced microphone of our computers but she was out today
Strike three I'm out
The meeting was full of fighting and now we have new arbitrary rules to follow that quite frankly don't even make sense
Then I got to working and suddenly my cell rang I should have let it go to voicemail but I answered of course
It was the pharmacy informing me my medication would, after insurance, cost $150
She asked me if I still wanted it filled
Like I was a child and it was a toy I needed to put back
This was my motherfucking medication, do I still want it?
No!
Who the fuck wants to have to take pills for the rest of their life?
Who wants to spend $150 they don't have?
The day before, I realized, I had paid an older hospital bill from back when they unsuccessfully tried to cut the tumor out of my skull
So now I was $270 in the hole
The rest of the day kinda went like that
I spilled food on my uniform
Left something in the office and had to go back and get it
I had to cancel my therapy because now I can't afford it
I tell people that and they act like it's a luxury I give myself
It's not
Trust me
I need therapy like I need my neurologist people just don't see it that way
I come home and my family is complaining about money and this and that and blah blah blah
The only real point they make is that their life is harder than mine and I should be grateful
I fold a load of laundry that's not mine
I clean the kitchen from a meal I didn't eat
then weave my way into the bathroom for a shower
I realize now that I've bleed through my pants
Today was a bad day.
YOU ARE READING
Musings on Life from a Dead Girl
Poetry#2 in poetry July 2024 Poetry about the life of a girl.
