Musings on Life from a Dead Girl

Normal

I want to be normal.

I want my body to look like everyone else's.

I want my body to function like everyone else's.

I want to feel like everyone else.

I just want to be normal. 

Get in the car and go.

Not think about it.

Drive without anxiety.

Go a day without a panic attack.

Go a day without tears.

A day without being in pain.

Go a day without making myself bleed.

Handle things without melting down.

I want to have a normal family.

And a normal relationship with them.

I want to have a conversation with someone and not overthink it.

I want to wake up and have breakfast, not just eat because I have to have food with my pills.

I don't want to be on medications.

I want a normal brain.

One that does wage war on itself every day.

One that doesn't have a tumor to fuck up my life.

I just want a normal life.

The problem?

I don't even know what normal looks like.