Sorry

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by MK_Weber

by MK_Weber

I swore to myself I'd never ask anything of you ever again.

But today was different.

Today I felt myself slipping right back down the mountain I have worked so hard to summit.

Today I fell from the peak and hit the bottom.

Today I thought about dying, and the frightening things I do to myself when I need to feel alive again.

Today I reached out to you.

Again.

Today I typed out three long paragraphs and sent them to you, it took a long moment before you responded.

Too long for what I got.

I'm sorry, you said, I love you, you said.

I'm not sure you've ever really loved me.

Not in the way I've needed.

Not in the way a mom is supposed to.

But in your own way I suppose.

You're sorry?

Sorry for what?

Fuck your sorry!

I'm sorry too!

Sorry, that at eight years old I was puking my guts up in the middle of the night from panicking, knowing good and damn well I couldn't go to you.

The response was always the same when I did.

The look has never changed with time.

I'm sorry that my life was shot to hell when I turned eighteen.

I'm sorry that I told you I wanted to die and all you did was walk away!

The same thing you always do!

You run, you hide, you act like nothing is wrong.

I'm sorry that I'm your daughter!

If I could be anyone else's I would.

I'm sorry I exist!

I'm sorry...

I never wanted it to be like this, I know you didn't either.

I'm sorry, I just wish you were too.