Musings on Life from a Dead Girl

Okay

Maybe I won't get everything I've desired out of life.

Maybe I won't find love or have children.

Maybe I won't ever become a doctor or get a college degree.

Maybe I will never publish.

Maybe I will only ever be this.

An underpaid coder, in Smallville USA. 

Trapped in my cave above the practice.

Listening to crying babies and screaming children forever.

Prattling away with numbers, half insane with what could have been.

Should have been.

I tell myself that this is not a bad life.

That I have what I need.

That I will survive.

I tell myself that I will be okay.

But even I know that's all bullshit.