Musings on Life from a Dead Girl

Loved

I wish I were loved
I wish I had a mom that cared
We had a full conversation today without her ever looking up from her phone
She just stomped through our house, cursing at me because I dared to ask her to eat with me so I wasn't alone
God forbid she talk to me over watching that damn television
The woman acts like she is a side character from 451
I keep giving her chances
Over and over again
Because that is what love is
It's forgiveness and patience and honesty
My mother has never shown me this type of love
She has only given me the sort of love that is buried deep under insults and resentment
I swore I would cut her out
Swore I would build walls so high and strong that not even Gideon himself could tear them down
But like always she wormed her way in and bam!
Like Jericho, she was given another chance
The walls crumbled down and I let myself believe it could be different this time
I was a fool
She hurt me again
The looks of scorn
The harshness in her tone
The disinterest
Why did she have me?
What is wrong with me?
Why won't she love me?