Musings on Life from a Dead Girl

Life

I wonder what it would feel like to live a life you'd be afraid to lose.
I mean I do have it better than most.
I must admit.
Truthfully, however, I cannot tell you that this life would be enough to keep me here.
What would it be like to be happy enough to dread death instead of welcome it?
What would it feel like to be glad upon waking up?
To live?
How would it feel to live?
To live rather than survive.
How would it feel to want to live?
I wonder earnestly.
What would that feel like?
When sleep was not your favorite part of the day.
When you wouldn't need pills to stave off the panic.
When your body works for you rather than against you.
To feel fear instead of relief as you drift off under an anesthetic.
To fear death rather than your father's wrath on the road, driving home every day.
What would that kind of life be like?
How would it feel to live if you had something to lose?