Ditto Dissonance (Yellow and Mishaps #1)

Chapter 32

Chapter 32: Easing Fire

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[REVISED VERSION: MAY 2024] 

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Caiden's Point of View

As soon as I went out of the locker room, I saw Zern and his other friend talking to Ashton. Nasa gitna pa talaga sila ng court. They seem to be so very close. Pero wala na akong pakialam do'n. As long as, na-clear ko naman na 'yung air sa amin ni Ashton, wala ng problema. Ayaw ko lang na may maging gulo sa loob ng court. At magiging way na rin 'yon para hindi na talaga kami magpansinan ni Zern.

Pinuntahan ko sina Echo at Titus na nasa bleachers at nagkukwentuhan. Naupo ako sa tabi ni Titus. Pero imbis na makisali ako sa kwentuhan nila, napatingin ulit ako kina Zern. Hindi siya nagsasalita, nakatitig lang siya kay Ashton. 'Yung isang kaibigan lang niya ang nagsasalita.

Bigla ko tuloy naalala 'yung ginawa ni Ashton kanina. Pinapunas niya 'yung pawis niya kay Zern, it looks like he's flirting with him at that state. I wouldn't do that even if I am super close to that person. I even heard him teasing Zern, and he liked his reaction. As a guy, I can tell that he likes Zern. Or I am just assuming things? 

What the fuck am I thinking about? Getting so curious about someone's life.

Mahina na lang akong natawa sa isipan ko. Ibinaling ko na lang ang atensyon ko kina Titus na nagkukwentuhan tungkol sa naging laro kanina. Nakikitawa lang din ako pero hindi ako nakikikwento. Tulad nila, nag-enjoy din ako sa laro kanina. Maayos lahat. Walang naging away or initan. Literal na friendly-casual game lang ang nangyari kaya siguro magaan ang pakiramdam ko ngayon.

Surprisingly, I don't feel irritated seeing Zern. I don't know why. Maybe because I decided to have a nice talk with Ashton. Maybe that's why. He explained some things that made sense to me and I somehow realized what he was trying to say. I realized his point about Zern and I accepted it. But maybe I don't have to live and deal with it. It's not like Zern and I are friends, right? Mas magandang malayo na lang kami sa isa't isa para wala ng mabuong gulo.

Ang mahalaga naintindihan ko naman. At hindi na ako naiirita sa tuwing nakikita ko si Zern ngayon. I feel myself way better. Maybe I was wrong for starting to hate Zern for nothing. He's gay and all, but it doesn't matter, really. 

Siguro, marami lang talaga akong unexpressed anger noon. Na sana naprotektahan ko 'yung sarili noon. Na sana hindi ko na 'yon naranasan. Naiisip kong paano nila 'yon nagawa sa akin. Kaya siguro sobrang bilis kong magalit dahil naipon sa akin nang naipon. Kaya kaonting trigger lang, mabilis akong sumabog. 

Tama rin naman si Ashton. Maybe I was too harsh to Zern. Hindi ko naisip 'yung shoes niya at binubuhos ko lang lahat sa kaniya lahat ng gusto kong sabihin. I dumped him everything I have in myself. I think that's wrong. Mali rin 'yung ginawa ko. I hope ma-realize rin ni Zern 'yung mga mali niya para parehas na kaming maka-move on sa kung ano ang dapat naming lampasan.

Ayaw ko rin talaga ng soft boys or friendly boys like him. Naalala ko lang ang sarili ko noon. Kaya mas lalo akong nagagalit, since I was once one like him. Na-bully lang ako at tinatratong parang basura. At hindi ko rin naprotektahan ang sarili ko. Mas pinili ko silang intindihin kahit ako na 'yung nauubos.