You Know I Love You (Esther x Val)

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Esther was curled into her wifes arms, head pressed against her chest, Val was sleeping soundly there holding her small wife close. Yet Esther couldn't rest, the poor girl's mind was racing and her head was pounding, making her feel sick, but she worried that moving from Val's arms would wake her, or that walking through the halls would wake their son or his girlfriend. Sadly Esther still felt disgustingly sick, so against the feeling of her body protesting against her movements, she wriggled away from her wife and slid off the bed, throwing on a pair of fuzzy socks and a hoodie on the way out the bedroom door.

The halls were silent, everyone in their small place was sleeping soundly, so she tried not to make any noise as she walked to the bathroom. Everything hurt, the smallest of floorboard creaks made her jump, feeling like she was being watched but she wasn't and she finally made it to the bathroom door. She knocked gently before opening it, just in case, even though the lights were off. Esther closed the door behind her, she felt hot, and she locked it. Walking up to the mirror over the sink, staring at her own face, but the longer she stared the more it felt.. Distorted, she hated it. She hated the girl in the mirror...

She leaned forward, studying herself, pulling at her nose piercing, picking at her skin, her lips, her eyes.. Hot tears running down her face, the voice in her head on high alert, Slow, taunting, yet gentle, and terrifying. The words she already felt were true were blaring in her mind.

"Oh Esther"
the voice spoke, still more calm than the girl who was tearing at her own skin.
"Why in the world do you try"
she left more, rough, bloody, scratches on her face.
"Valencia doesn't love you"
she started ripping at her hair.
"She snapped at you earlier, isn't that proof"
Esther banged her head into the counter, the loud noise echoing in the silence. That picture was brought to the front of her brain immediately.
"Do It"

She shook her head. Remembering the conversation with her wife earlier that day. The clown had gotten irritated by something online. It reminded her of her past and she'd gotten mad, hitting the bed frame pretty harshly, which scared Esther, so was sitting on the other side of the room on the window sill. Esther had gotten up to go and gently kiss Val's face to try and calm her, but instead Val just snapped. "Esther I'm not in the mood" she sounded like she was mad at Esther. So Esther sniffled, walking back to her window and curling with a book, and she waited. Waited till Val got out her anger, and once she did, she softly invited Esther to come over to the bed, She'd apologized for snapping, and gently kissed her forehead. Then they'd gotten ready for bed.

Now here she was, standing in front of the bathroom mirror. Bawling her eyes out.. And over what? She had no reason to be so upset.. She just wanted to go back to her wife, but she still felt nauseous. Like she was gonna vomit. So she just hit her head against the counter again. It was still loud. It still hurt, and She sat there like that. Having to move herself to the floor not long after though, positioned in front of the toilet to vomit, she hadn't eaten anything, it was just stomach acid, so it hurt. As the brunette girl wiped her mouth she curled up onto the floor and cried. That was when she realized how much noise she'd made, and she started to panic again, her breathing hitched and hiccupped both on her own tears but also due to the panic, she felt like her head was spinning but she tried to take deep breaths, to calm down, Yet she couldn't. She couldn't breathe.

There was a knock on the door, a soft, worried voice, "Esther..? Honey, are you okay?" it was Val.. of course she'd woken up her wife. If she didn't feel awful before. She did now. Esther sucked in a breath, forcing the most normal voice she could, though it still wobbled, and pushed "I'm F-fine" she lied. She knew it wouldn't work, and five seconds later she was proven right, as the door lock clicked, clearly picked, and it slowly creaked open. Esther averted her eyes from the door, she knew there was blood all over her face, on the counter.. Her face was covered in scratches.. Val would notice her curled on the floor. She'd be screwed. Val looked around, breath caught in her throat for just a minute. There was blood on the counter but where-

She finally saw Esther, curled up in the corner. Valencia kneeled down beside her wife on the floor. Esther heard her but stayed quiet. A hand ran through her pink and brown hair, softly her wife's voice finally rang in her ears "Esther... Baby.. Face me.. Please" Esther didn't want to. She didn't want Val to see her, but she rolled over, eyes jammed shut, scared to look her wife in the eyes. The clown's hands gently ran along her cheeks before she said a word to the woman she was pulling close. "My sweet Angel.. You hurt yourself.. What's wrong..? What caused this..? Please talk to me wifey.. Please"

Esther nodded a little "I.. The voice.. The bad thoughts.." Val nodded "I'm listening" Esther sighed softly, she "well.. I was thinking.. I feel terrible for being scared earlier.. It scared me so badly and it shouldn't have.. Val.. I'm so sorry.. I'm a terrible wife.. You deserve better.. You.. you said.. A long time ago.. That.. that I was too much... You said once that.. That you didn't know if you wanted this.. I assumed you meant.. That you weren't sure you wanted me.." Esther was crying, tears stinging the scratches under her eyes, she squeezed her eyes shut because of the pain. Val sighed "Angel, look at me" she still held Esther close, she wasn't upset with her. She could never be mad at her.

Esther opened her blurry eyes and looked up at her wife, Val gently leaned down, kissing Esther's cheeks and forehead. Softly mumbling 'I love you' then she sighed. "Alright Baby so.. I will say that I shouldn't have said that. I do want you Esther. I will always want you, you're my entire world, okay? Here baby" and she smothered Esther's torn up face with kisses. Her wife giggle gently in her arms, smiling a little at her and leaning up to kiss her back, but then Val scooped her up and placed her on a clean spot on the counter, running the water and waiting for it to get warm, the clown would hate the water be too cold and to bother her wifes allergies. She wetted a washcloth and gently cleaned the blood from Esther's torn up face, kissing her gently once the washcloth was run over an area.

Esther was feeling so much better, as her wife dumped the towel into the dirty clothes basket and turned back to her, "So my sweet, are you ready for bed?" she asked, fully understanding if Esther wanted to sit alone for a little bit, But no, Esther nodded her head, putting her arms out for her wife to scoop her into her arms, and she did, Val held her tight. As they walked down the hall back to their room Valencia glanced down at her wife "And by the way baby.. You know I love you.. Right?" at that Esther looked up smiling softly and nodding "I know Val, I promise"

Val smiled proudly leaning down to kiss her wifes face again "That's my good girl" she nodded, placing Esther on their bed and laying beside her, gently pulling her small wife into her arms and Esther noticed Val held on just a little tighter than usual tonight. 

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