Hazbin Hotel Group Chat

WEDDING! 👰‍♀️🤵‍♀️💍

A/N: More OCs from WarriorCatFan144
Noelle is Kayden's girlfriend, and Morana is a friend of Alastor and the Overlord of Death.
And before anyone wants to try and complain about the OCs and this story not being canon or some shit... I think it should be obvious by now that this story is pure bullshit. LMAO, you're welcome.

Daddy Issues:
IT'S TIME!
(Kayden has added Elle to the chat)
(Freaky Face has added Morana and Rosie to the chat)
Vagina:
... Are we just adding everyone at the wedding? LMAO
Harder Daddy:
Fuck no.
Mouth:
Who the fuck is loudly sobbing like we're at a funeral.
Lilith:
... Fucking Lucifer.
Pop My Cherri:
@ShortKing SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Short King:
😭😭😭😭😭😭 MY DAUGHTER IS GETTING MARRIED!
Daddy Issues:
... I can hear him sobbing from here. I'm trying to get ready. LMAO
Vagina:
Same, but I have a different issue...
Danger Tits:
That issue is me. LMAO, I'm in here assisting her, and we both can't get over how strange this situation is. I mean, considering the fact that we're both responsible for the other losing a body part and the fact that we fucking hated each other for years... It's so fucking odd.
Mouth:
Literally anyone else could've helped.
Roo:
I think it has to do with the familial ties thing. Or, close to familial ties.
Vagina:
Exactly... Who is laughing their ass off?
Buzz Buzz:
FUCKING ME! Why is the radio demon doing some weird dance with a cannibal.
Morana:
That's just how they are. It's completely normal, as odd as that sounds.
Lilith:
OK, Charlie and I just realized a problem... WHO'S GOING TO BE PLAYING THAT SHITTY WEDDING SONG?
Carfight:
... I thought you all had everything handled.
Vagina:
... I completely forgot about that shit.
Screen Queen:
I have a speaker. We can just play it from there.
Two Dicks:
Good thinking.
Elle:
FUCKING NOT GOOD THINKING! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
Screen Queen:
I CLICKED THE WRONG SHIT! FUCK! I'M SORRY!
Pop My Cherri:
ALL YOU LADIES POP YOUR PUSSY LIKE THIS! SHAKE YOUR BODY, DON'T STOP, DON'T MISS!
Harder Daddy:
MY NECK, MY BACK, LICK MY PUSSY AND MY CRACK!
Rosie:
Someone explain why Zestial knows every word to this.
Lilith:
That's exactly the song I wanted my daughter to walk down the aisle to. LMAO
Pear:
They do lick pussy, so it's fitting.
God:
... OK, I'm sending this here as captions in case anyone needs it. *clears throat* We have gathered here to celebrate the love between two forbidden lovers. It's kind of like Romeo and Juliet. I mean, seriously... The Princess of Hell and an ex-exorcist/fallen angel. Now that I think about it, it's kind of fitting, but odd since Lucifer is also a fallen angel.
Screen Queen:
GET ON WITH THE FUCKING POINT!
God:
Oh right... Anyway, I don't know shit about these two, but it's clear they love each other. I get to hear about them fucking a lot from this wonderful chat.
Dick Master:
Why the fuck am I having to read all of this?
God:
SHUT THE FUCK UP ADAM! As I was saying, I absolutely hate this cheesy wedding shit, so I'm going to assume you're both going to say "I do", and I don't have to say that stupid shit?
Daddy Issues:
... This is not how I expected my wedding to go.
Vagina:
... Holy shit... Yes, we both agree on the "I do" statement.
God:
Great. In that case, you both may now kiss the bride, and I will never officiate another wedding.
Roo:
... Please don't. That was shit.
Pop My Cherri:
He said kiss the bride, not fucking eat each other's faces.
Danger Tits:
And throughout all of that bullshit, Lucifer is still sobbing.
Short King:
IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL!
Daddy Issues:
... Are you sure about that?
Morana:
It was a disaster. LMAO
Freaky Face:
That was the shortest wedding service I've ever witnessed.
Squeak:
The fact that God just had to tell Adam to shut the fuck up in the middle of it was honestly expected.
Dick Master:
I wasn't invited, so I don't want to hear about it.
Vagina:
No one wanted you here.
Dick Master:
Oh, but you invite the bitch who physically injured you in the end? I see how it is.
Danger Tits:
It was her fucking wedding. Well, her's and Charlie's wedding, and they could choose who came, and who didn't. Stop being an asshole.
Pop My Cherri:
The DJ looks like he's on crack.
Vagina:
Yeah, and he fucking sucks. Who recommended him?
Lilith:
... I don't even think he's supposed to be here.
Screen Queen:
@DangerTits You were supposed to be security bitch.
Danger Tits:
You know, that's kind of hard when you're practically glued to me.
Pear:
Honestly... How is she supposed to patrol and do security type shit while you're practically on her like that?
Screen Queen:
Well, fuck you too then. I'm gonna go set up for pictures anyway.
Vagina:
... @ScreenQueen Please refrain from fighting with your girlfriend/fuck buddy on the day of this damn wedding.
Danger Tits:
... Fuck buddy is more fitting. LMAO
Rosie:
Bullshit. I can see right through the both of you.
Lilith:
You know how there's always a daddy/daughter dance at weddings or something? Well... Lucifer is screwing that shit up because he is STILL FUCKING SOBBING!
Elle:
And not to mention that the song is horrific. Why is it some shitty country song?
Two Dicks:
Because that DJ is still here.
Buzz Buzz:
This is the most untraditional wedding, so I'm assuming we're not doing a toast. The alcohol is all available though.
Daddy Issues:
... And my dad is drinking. Vaggie, are we having a honeymoon? I feel like we need it.
Vagina:
Sure... We can discuss that after I kick out this fucking DJ. @PopMyCherri Come take over.
Pop My Cherri:
HELL YEAH! Gladly!
Whiskers:
I'm helping to serve alcohol, so if you could all not just rush over here like fucking assholes, that would be great.
Squeak:
I'm excited about the food. It all looks good, and I haven't eaten all day.
Screen Queen:
... Who made the cake?
Roo:
For fucks sake, I did.
Screen Queen:
Explains why it looks good.
Dick Master:
This seems like a shitty wedding. HA! THAT MEANS IT'S NOT OFFICIAL!
Roo:
Adam... You have no room to talk when it comes to untraditional/unofficial marriage. With both of your wives... (EX-WIVES)... You literally just said "You're my wife now bitch. Now, let's fuck".
Daddy Issues:
And at least my wife actually loves me. LMAO
Lilith:
... She fucking better love you.
Vagina:
Trust me, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't.
Harder Daddy:
CUT THE FUCKING CAKE!
Buzz Buzz:
Damn, why are you rushing them?
Harder Daddy:
Bitch, I literally just heard you talking about wanting them to cut the cake.
Buzz Buzz:
... I don't like being called out by a fucking pornstar. LMAO
Daddy Issues:
... The cake has been cut, and at this point, this is just a celebration, which is what I fully expected, so... Fuck it. Let's just enjoy ourselves.
Vagina:
CHARLIE! THAT DOESN'T MEAN DO FUCKING DRUGS!
God:
So... Besides my wonderful officiating earlier, this is just a typical night for all of you?
Freaky Face:
... Seems about right. Just a bunch of nonsense.
Morana:
If you'd loosen up and take some damn drugs, you'd enjoy yourself.
Rosie:
She's not wrong.
Freaky Face:
... I'd rather not.
Big Ass Forehead:
PUSSY!
Screen Queen:
Damn, everything was so good until you fucking said shit.
Big Ass Forehead:
Go fuck yourself.
Screen Queen:
I've got someone to do that for me.
Pop My Cherri:
This makes me think of an awful wedding I went to right before I died. So, the bride and groom had been together for only six months, and right after they said their vows and were married, they found the groom screwing his new father-in-law... And, they also found the bride screwing her best friend. It was fucking awful.
Vagina:
Well, in that case... @Lilith, wanna fuck? LMFAO
Lilith:
Holy shit... That would be fucking wrong on so many levels.
Kayden:
... Pentious's eggs are drinking. Should we be concerned?
Pear:
FUCKING YES!
Elle:
We're all going to be shitfaced by the end of this so... Who cares? Everyone should get a slice of cake before it's destroyed or something though. LMAO
Roo:
@Carfight You and Zestial are on chaperone duty again.
Carfight:
No, I'm not.
Two Dicks:
Did Velvette push you to drink again?
Screen Queen:
WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME?
Mouth:
It was your fault last time bitch!
Whiskers:
This is a message to all of you fuckers to read later when you're all sober. It's been only a fucking hour since that last message was sent. The brides are fucking, and it's extremely loud, Lucifer passed out while sobbing, we lost Cherri, Pentious, Angel, God, and Lilith apparently, there's a fight going on between Beelzebub and Belphegor over drugs, I've locked Niffty in a box, and the rest of us are either just being typical drunk idiots, or we're sober and playing cards. I'm always drunk, but I have a ridiculous tolerance and I think I have a fucking problem.
Lilith:
... You didn't lose me. I lost me.
Buzz Buzz:
IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT! THIS BITCH SAID I STEAL! NO I DON'T! I JUST BORROW AND DON'T RETURN IT! TOTALLY FUCKING DIFFERENT!
God:
... Pretty sure that's stealing. Also, are you on the phone with your ex? LMAO
Buzz Buzz:
Yeah, and what about it asshole?
Whiskers:
... Shit. Just realized we lost Carmine too.
Danger Tits:
She's on the roof.
Morana:
... Alastor, stop fucking cheating. Or well, stop cheating terribly. We all know you could be more discrete.
Squeak:
... OK, all I wanted to do was go to the bathroom, but what did I stumble upon... Two naked bodies tangled up, and by this point, both of them are passed out. I never wanted to see them naked!
Kayden:
Note to self, don't go in that hallway. Also, Niffty escaped and just ate the 2 of hearts.
Dick Master:
SEND PICS OF THE NAKED BITCHES!
Roo:
... I'm on my way to torment you.
Elle:
... I hear more fucking... And now I see why the sin of lust is well... The sin of lust.
Rosie:
This really was a beautiful disaster.