Hazbin Hotel Group Chat

Nothing Ever Goes Well

A/N: I was drinking while I was writing this. And yes... I mean alcohol.

Daddy Issues:
I'M SOBBING! FUCKING HELL! I'M SO HAPPY!
Whiskers:
What's new? You're happy all the damn time. The only one I've ever seen match your happiness is Emily.
Squeak:
... That's fair.
Daddy Issues:
I'M ENGAGED! HOLY SHIT!
Short King:
FUCK YES!
Lilith:
Congrats. @Vagina Glad it's you that my daughter will be spending her life with. I'm sure you're the best for her, but believe me... If you do anything to hurt her... I'll rip you to shreds, got it?
Vagina:
I didn't plan on it, but yep... Got it. LMAO
Harder Daddy:
That little box was a ring then? Yeah, we all fucking knew that shit.
STAB:
I liked stealing it.
Carfight:
@DaddyIssues @Vagina Congratulations. If you need anything during the planning of the wedding, feel free to contact me. I know good companies to get supplies from.
Daddy Issues:
Thank you!
Pop My Cherri:
This bitch is bouncing off the walls. Looks like she snorted fucking cocaine.
Screen Queen:
... Can I post it?
Vagina:
As soon as I saw your ass typing, I knew you were going to ask that. Fucking sure, go ahead.
Screen Queen:
HELL YES!
Big Ass Forehead:
Where the hell are you anyway? I see your location, but what are you doing?
Screen Queen:
I'm on a fucking date. Stop stalking my location dickhead.
Two Dicks:
A DATE? With who?
Dick Master:
@DangerTits YOUR BITCH IS CHEATING ON YOU! HA!
Danger Tits:
I'm the one with her dumbass.
Harder Daddy:
Well shit... If all of this relationship stuff is happening, I guess I should join in. Husk, tonight... Drinks? At the nice bar in the next town?
Whiskers:
... Alright.
Pear:
DAMN! TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!
Freaky Face:
All of this romance is making me sick.
Lilith:
You wanna hear about what happened last night then? LMAO
Pop My Cherri:
IS IT THREESOME DETAILS AGAIN? YES PLEASE!
Roo:
You are way too fucking excited about that.
Pop My Cherri:
... It gives me ideas. Fuck off.
Buzz Buzz:
HOLD UP! I know I'm fucking late but... @DaddyIssues Congrats! Can I come to, and provide the alcohol for, your wedding?
Daddy Issues:
... Yes.
Vagina:
We haven't even started planning yet... Damn.
Short King:
Details have been sent to that separate group chat from forever ago.
Screen Queen:
Damn... It sounds like it was hot as fuck.
Roo:
It was.
Daddy Issues:
I forgot Vaggie was in that damn chat... I just looked over her shoulder and my mood has been ruined.
Danger Tits:
... Why the fuck is he here?
Screen Queen:
FUCKING HELL VOX! WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING NICE APPARENTLY! GO FUCK YOURSELF!
Big Ass Forehead:
You're a fucking disgrace to Hell.
Danger Tits:
I am about to commit a fucking murder, and it's justified... Pretty sure you can all agree.
Vagina:
Yeah... Justified.
Daddy Issues:
Killing isn't OK.
Squeak:
Yeah... Just ignore him.
Screen Queen:
That's kind of fucking hard when he's screaming in my ear. Why can't we just have a nice outing?
Whiskers:
Alastor, I fucking swear if you ruin tonights outing like that...
Freaky Face:
Oh? What are you going to do about it? I owned you before... I could certainly find a way to do it again.
Lilith:
Fuck... This conversation started off so nice... Why has everyone suddenly had a sharp stick shoved up their ass and out of their mouth?
Harder Daddy:
Because shitty individuals ruin good things.
Mouth:
What the fuck is I.M.P? I just saw a sign for that shit.
Kayden:
Immediate Murder Professionals... It's exactly as it sounds.
Buzz Buzz:
Holy shit... Blitzø  is the only fucker who's been able to beat me in a drinking contest... Mad respect. Oh, and his daughter, Loona... Great fucking vibes.
Squeak:
... Murder? Once again, that's not the best option.
Lilith:
I mean... When you get paid for it... It's not that bad. LMAO
Daddy Issues:
Mom! No!
Big Ass Forehead:
... AW, end a date with a kiss? How fucking cliche! I got a picture! BLACKMAIL!
Screen Queen:
Send it to me so I can post it asshole.
Pear:
Did I skip a chapter or something? When the hell did you two become official?
Screen Queen:
Four score and seven years ago...
Danger Tits:
... Shut the fuck up. Also... You don't need to worry about a damn thing.
Pear:
I'm so damn confused. Is Vox just bullshitting? Was it just a friend date, like an outing? Did they even kiss? The fuck?
Harder Daddy:
Bitch, are you fucking high? Damn.
Mouth:
No... Her ass is just sleep deprived. She was up all night reading some shitty novel.
Pear:
It may be shitty, but I couldn't fucking put it down. It was about someone falling in love with a door and fucking it. The door was sentient or some shit, and it was really hot.
Harder Daddy:
UNHINGED! HOLY SHIT! I would've liked it more if it wasn't straight. Squeak and Squeal were good too.
Squeak:
... I just looked up Squeak, and I now wish to change my name in here.
Danger Tits:
LMFAO, no. It's still fitting. Just don't think about the balloon animals.
Screen Queen:
Have you read that shit?
Danger Tits:
No... Someone I know has read it though, and that fucking asshole wouldn't stop telling me about it.
Dick Master:
IT WAS SO FUCKING HOT!
Mouth:
Why can't you all read normal shit?
Harder Daddy:
Because we're not normal. Fucking obviously.
Pop My Cherri:
Anyone ever wish sinners could travel between the rings of Hell? I want to fucking go to Ozzie's.
Buzz Buzz:
Holy shit... If you fuckers could go between rings, you could come to my parties... They're so damn good.
Short King:
... They are. I wonder if I could find a way to make exceptions for all of you... Just you guys though. The other sinners can suck it.
Daddy Issues:
Dad! Be nice.
Vagina:
Hold on... I'm a fallen angel, originating in Heaven. However, I wasn't sent to Hell after death due to sins, so I'm not a sinner... Or am I? Am I just lumped in with them, and if not... Could I technically travel between the rings of Hell?
Short King:
Bitch... Who the fuck knows?
Two Dicks:
You're the King of Hell... You should know.
Short King:
I just don't care enough to know. LMAO
Roo:
... He spent all of his free time either doing hot shit with Lilith, or fucking with rubber ducks.
Lilith:
... Damn, I really feel bad for being gone for seven years now. If that's all he did... Then he just screwed with ducks for seven years since I wasn't around to... Do stuff with.
Freaky Face:
He could've been a better father and spent time with his daughter...
Daddy Issues:
ALASTOR! DAMN! Why is everyone being awful today?
Short King:
Damn it... He's right. I did fail as a dad...
Pop My Cherri:
Get a damn therapist.
Whiskers:
Would a therapist really go to Hell though? Where are you going to find one?
Danger Tits:
... Pretty sure there's at least one in Hell.
Kayden:
Ted Bundy worked on a suicide hotline, and I'm pretty sure he's in Hell. That's close enough to a therapist. Go find him.
Roo:
LMAO, he could probably give great advice. He wasn't a complete idiot at least.
Short King:
I'm not getting counseled by Ted fucking Bundy.
Harder Daddy:
You sure? You fucking need it.
Daddy Issues:
... Why can't we just have nice conversations?