Hazbin Hotel Group Chat

Therapy is needed

Daddy Issues:
... Ted Bundy is on the couch.
Morana:
I'M ON MY FUCKING WAY!
Freaky Face:
Well, this is certainly fascinating.
Daddy Issues:
THERE IS A FUCKING KILLER ON MY COUCH!
Vagina:
... Do you know how many sinners I've killed? You have no problem letting me fuck you and be in the same bed as you. Also, I'm pretty sure everyone in here has killed at least one person.
Squeak:
... I haven't.
Roo:
... I don't think Kayden has either.
Kayden:
There was this one time actually... I accidentally set a building on fire, and someone didn't make it out. I mean, he was an awful person and kind of deserved it, but...
Danger Tits:
No, there's no buts in that situation. Sometimes, people just deserve the shit they get, and that's fine.
Roo:
... I have never been more shocked in my life...
Elle:
The look on your face literally screams "I'm not mad, just disappointed".
Kayden:
... I'm sorry.
Roo:
Oh, I'm not disappointed with you... I'm disappointed with myself. I feel like I underestimated you. LMAO
Harder Daddy:
Interesting conversation... Anyway, I'm with Husk, Cherri, and Pentious at Ozzie's, so keep us updated on the Bundy situation.
Daddy Issues:
HE'S NOT STAYING!
Short King:
Apparently we need therapy though. He was the best I could find.
Daddy Issues:
FUCKING ROSIE WOULD BE BETTER THAN HIM!
Rosie:
I'm flattered!
Pop My Cherri:
So, we're witnessing someone eat ass, and honestly... I'm all for just minding my own fucking business and not judging, but... THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING!
Whiskers:
I agree... That's a shit hole.
Dick Master:
FUCK THE GAYS!
Harder Daddy:
NOT DURING PRIDE MONTH SHITHEAD!
Two Dicks:
It's not only gays who eat ass.
Pear:
Please tell me you're not speaking from experience.
Pop My Cherri:
Certainly not with me. Ew.
Big Ass Forehead:
You have just never eaten good ass.
Screen Queen:
... God, now I'm being reminded of the times I walked in on Vox eating Val's ass... Fucking traumatizing.
Harder Daddy:
VAL LIKED HAVING HIS ASS EATEN? LMFAO
Lilith:
Listen, I've done some kinky shit during my lifetime, but that... That's something I've never been into.
Daddy Issues:
STOP!
Lilith:
What? I'm not going into detail about anything. I mean, I can. There was this one time where full bondage was involved. Like, to the point the one tied up was practically nothing more than a living sex doll.
Daddy Issues:
... I'm gonna go talk to Ted Bundy now... Honestly though, I don't think any amount of therapy will erase that.
Roo:
LMAO, do you remember the time we did shit without Lucifer? Like, weird shit?
Lilith:
FUCKING YES! And before anyone starts screeching about it being cheating, Lucifer knows and doesn't give two shits.
Short King:
Not wrong. I literally walked in while they were in the middle of their thing, grabbed a duck, and left.
Vagina:
... What kind of fucking family have I married into?
Mouth:
A very open one obviously.
STAB:
The fact that three consecutive words in that text started with the letter O is fucking weird. OOO
Elle:
Why is that your first thought reading that?
STAB:
I skim a lot, and before I read things fully, I have a habit of just reading the first letter of words, so when I saw that text, all I saw was AVOOO!
Whiskers:
And somehow that is not the strangest thing you've said.
STAB:
Do you remember the time we had a conversation, but the only way I responded to you was just repeating "WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"?
Whiskers:
... I would not consider that a conversation Niffty.
STAB:
It totally was.
Screen Queen:
Alastor, why the fuck is your friend all over Bundy?
Freaky Face:
Simple... She's fascinated by killers.
Morana:
Don't get things twisted... I'm just asking questions to see what the media got wrong or if any details have never been disclosed. I want to know absolutely everything.
Freaky Face:
Exactly how her and I became friends. She found me quite fascinating.
Morana:
Yep, and it turns out, some of the prior information I knew about him was wrong... That's why I like opportunities like this.
Pop My Cherri:
That's great. In other news, I would like to leave... There are two old people having the kinkiest sex I've ever seen, and it's not hot, the kinks are too weird for me, and honestly... I feel like crying, vomiting, throwing myself out of a window, then passing out.
Harder Daddy:
... I've seen worse. And no, I will not be explaining. It was... Bad.
Squeak:
... Are you OK?
Whiskers:
None of us are.
Carfight:
🏳️‍🌈
Screen Queen:
SHE'S COMING OUT! I FUCKING KNEW IT! RAGING LESBIAN!
Short King:
CONGRATS BITCH!
Carfight:
That was an accidental text. My device turned itself on and I pressed something trying to turn it off.
Screen Queen:
BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! LESBIAN BITCH!
Danger Tits:
... Fucking sit your ass back down.
Screen Queen:
No! I'm going straight to her and aggressively supporting her coming out.
Danger Tits:
No, you're not. Sit, or I'll fucking make you.
Vagina:
... GET A FUCKING ROOM!
Danger Tits:
Oh shut the hell up. Might I remind you that I caught you and another exorcist making out and nearly about to screw in the middle of an extermination because you were still in the middle of your... Making sure you were actually gay phase.
Screen Queen:
Besides, what kind of kinky thing do you think we have going on?
Danger Tits:
Oh, her thoughts on that aren't relevant here.
Screen Queen:
STOP!
Daddy Issues:
Please don't start. I've already had to here enough sexual details from my own fucking mother today.
Rosie:
Stop traumatizing Charlie. When Lucifer dies or some shit, we'll need the new ruler of Hell to be mentally stable for once.
Short King:
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
Lilith:
LMAO, that's fucking hilarious. We should hang out some time... I think we'd get along.
Rosie:
That's a wonderful idea... 3:27 AM under the dark building of the South.
Lilith:
I'll be there.
Two Dicks:
... That's the type of insane shit my eggs say.
Mouth:
I don't think they're that crazy. Bank accounts really are a scam created by the shadow government, just as the moon is made of cheese and Grandas suck energy out of goat asses..
Pear:
... What the fuck is wrong with you?
Mouth:
I wish I knew.
Two Dicks:
... Those are things they've said too.
Dick Master:
... The moon is made of cheese though.
Carfight:
... You are a fucking idiot.
Harder Daddy:
Yeah... If you make Carmine become out of character, you're fucking stupid.
Dick Master:
AND YOUR GAY!
Harder Daddy:
No shit, Sherlock.