Hazbin Hotel Group Chat

Meeting Failure

Harder Daddy:
... How's the meeting going?
Harder Daddy:
Hello!
Harder Daddy:
I SUCK DICK!
Harder Daddy:
@ScreenQueen I know you have your phone bitch!
Harder Daddy:
I'd let the King of Hell suck my dick!
Dick Master:
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SPAMMING?
Screen Queen:
LMAO, the old hag took my phone, but I have it back to "turn off notifications". I'm keeping my shit though. The meeting is going great. All of the sins are here and we've been discussing serious shit.
Lilith:
... No we haven't. Mammon keeps interrupting to advertise his new... Something because he wants money, Satan is pissed and keeps screaming at everyone, the exorcist in the room is concerning to some, and Lucifer keeps squeaking something... We all know what that thing is.
Danger Tits:
... I'm literally just standing in the furthest corner reading something. What's so concerning about my presence?
Whiskers:
"The exorcist in the room"... That should answer your question.
Danger Tits:
Am I really still an exorcist though? We don't do exterminations anymore.
Carfight:
Velvette... Hand over the cellular device, and do not call me an old hag.
Screen Queen:
You're not my mom bitch.
Buzz Buzz:
... This meeting is pure bullshit. It's entertaining though. Thanks for the invite Lucifer.
Pear:
You're making it sound like a party. LMAO
Freaky Face:
She's not wrong about the entertainment though...
Daddy Issues:
Carmilla looks like she's about to lose her shit, and I honestly don't blame her. To anyone in this chat that's in the meeting, can we please help in getting everyone else back on track.
Big Ass Forehead:
NO! FUCK OFF!
Short King:
... What the fuck did you just say to my daughter?
Carfight:
... I fucking quit.
Screen Queen:
SHE WALKED OUT! LMFAO!
Danger Tits:
... I don't blame her. You're all being insufferable, and yes... I'm referring to everyone except Charlie and Zestial... Pretty sure that's his name. I don't fucking care enough to pay attention.
Screen Queen:
So I'm fucking insufferable? Fuck you too then. I shouldn't have brought a plus1.
Danger Tits:
In that case, I'm leaving. I'd rather not be here.
Vagina:
... If you're leaving, then I'm on my way. You and I can go find Carmine and... LUCIFER! You're the fucking King of Hell. Take things seriously for once and handle the situation. If you're supposed to be discussing important matters and they were concerning enough to have a joint meeting with overlords and the seven deadly sins, then all of the bullshit that's happening needs to fucking stop.
Short King:
... Yeah, fair enough.
Danger Tits:
Why the hell do I have to come with you to look for Carmine? LMAO
Vagina:
Because... Why not? Do you have something better to do instead?
Danger Tits:
No... Hurry up and get here then. As someone who saw your training, you should be here by now.
Mouth:
... Where the fuck is Roo?
Roo:
You don't need to worry about that.
Squeak:
... Do you guys need any help getting everyone focused? God can come down there. That'll shut them up.
STAB:
She's not wrong. I remember how everyone stared at him when he appeared in the hotel!
Lilith:
I feel like that would cause more chaos. Thanks for the offer though.
Pop My Cherri:
When actual good shit is happening in that meeting, tell us. I want to know the deal with this human stuff.
Screen Queen:
You won't be hearing anything from me. I'm fucking leaving.
Danger Tits:
I'm not even there. Why the hell are you leaving? Be mature for once and do your part in that meeting. You're an overlord for fucks sake.
Screen Queen:
HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT SHIT THAT ISN'T YOUR BUSINESS! I CAN FUCKING LEAVE IF I WANT!
Two Dicks:
Does this mean we're crossing Phonespear off of that ship list?
Screen Queen:
Don't even mention that. It was stupid anyway. Why the hell would I be with someone like that? I don't fucking love her. I never have and I never will.
Vagina:
... Damn. You're pissed because she pointed something out. Get over it.
Kayden:
... I'm shutting off the chat notifications on my phone. I don't like this.
Daddy Issues:
I'm sorry. Once things are cleared up, I'll tell you.
Harder Daddy:
Husk and I are downstairs playing cards if you want to join. If not though, it's fine.
Kayden:
... I'll think about it.
Danger Tits:
Update, Carmine is on her way back... If all of you aren't sitting the fuck down and silent, I will not hesitate to harm each and every one of you.
Buzz Buzz:
... Damn. We're all chill though.
Dick Master:
Chill is uncool. Chillax is better.
Squeak:
... I can't stand that word.
Pear:
That is a stupid ass word.
Dick Master:
You're both just lame as shit.
Pop My Cherri:
Did Vel actually leave?
Daddy Issues:
No... I talked her into staying. She's not happy about it, but at least the meeting is more productive now. We've all been informed of the full extent of the issue and we're now discussing what to do.
Roo:
... May I suggest acquiring help from Stolas? He has that book or whatever that can get someone to the human world, right?
Lilith:
... I know you're hiding in the ceiling. Just fucking come out already and share your idea to the table. LMAO
Mouth:
YOU BITCH! THAT'S WHY YOU DIDN'T TELL ME WHERE YOU WERE!
Roo:
... Watch it. I could destroy you.
Pear:
Fucking excuse me?
Roo:
Protective I see... Good quality. I was kidding though. Don't worry.
Vagina:
Why the hell is Vox giving shitty ideas?
Daddy Issues:
... Are you outside the door?
Danger Tits:
We both are. I was going to leave, but we decided to sit out here, listen, and take notes. I'm pretty sure in all of the chaos, you all forgot about doing that.
Short King:
Yes we did. Oops.
Two Dicks:
Does the fashion female not have her phone?
Buzz Buzz:
... It might be broken. She threw it earlier and it kind of shattered.
Danger Tits:
... If she comes to any of you assholes later to complain, cry, or any other thing, don't send her away, and don't be a dick. If you do any of those things, I will peel off your skin, dislocate every one of your joints, remove your tongue and eyes, and let you lay there in agony.
Pop My Cherri:
Bitch, she's pissed at you. Why do you care?
Danger Tits:
... If you were upset and went to someone, would you want them to push you away and be a dick?
Pop My Cherri:
... Good point.
Big Ass Forehead:
MY IDEAS ARE NOT STUPID!
Vagina:
You just noticed that message? And yes, they are.
Lilith:
You suggested putting cameras on Earth to observe sexual activities to see if it correlates with our issue. How the fuck would human sex have anything to do with humans accessing the realm of the afterlife?
Big Ass Forehead:
... You just have to trust us with your safety.
Lilith:
... He just tried to mind control the entire room, and it did not work.
Carfight:
At this point, we have a few decent ideas, you can all handle yourselves, and I'm ready for this meeting to end. You all may go.
Freaky Face:
Well that was a productive meeting.
Whiskers:
... What the fuck Alastor?
Short King:
... We are never doing that again.
Roo:
Agreed... This ceiling is uncomfortable.
Vagina:
Charlie... Coffee date?
Daddy Issues:
... That would be nice after... Whatever just happened.
Danger Tits:
... Can you two please stop eating each other's faces? You look like you're about to fuck right here. LMAO
Dick Master:
HOT! SEND VIDEO!
Vagina:
... You ruined the mood.
Pop My Cherri:
What were the ideas from the meeting?
Roo:
Mammon suggested something that would only benefit him, Belphegor suggested finding ways to drug the humans with something that'll make them forget how to access our world and send them back, Vox suggested... His stupid shit, I suggested my amazing plan, and there were other smaller ideas. Carmine was right... Everyone can handle themselves, but if needed, we all agreed to team up if things got bad.
Squeak:
Lucifer, we thought of some ideas up here. If you'd like to discuss those, we can whenever you're free.
Short King:
I'm always free... I have no life. LMAO
Pear:
You're not wrong. You really need friends.
Harder Daddy:
In other news... I FUCKING SUCK AT CARDS! We've played 7 rounds, and I've won none of them.
Whiskers:
And no, I'm not cheating.
Harder Daddy:
I tried, but he caught me and worked around it somehow.
STAB:
I'm good at cards! Let me have a try!
Freaky Face:
Don't... She is good at cards, but she ends up eating at least one card.
STAB:
I'll eat 13 of them this time! The spades taste the best.
Two Dicks:
... And I thought my eggs said insane shit.
Pop My Cherri:
... Vel looks pissed. She just stormed past me.
Kayden:
... She's coming in my direction and there's nowhere I can go...
Buzz Buzz:
... Just step to the side and look away from her. She'll be fine. She needs a new phone though. LMAO
Danger Tits:
I still think what I said was right. Everyone, including her, was being insufferable.
Carfight:
... I agree.
Squeak:
... Maybe there's something else on her mind? I don't want to just take sides here, but her reaction seems a bit extreme for something simple like that.
Big Ass Forehead:
She's just a little bitch. She'll get over it.
Freaky Face:
... If anyone's a little bitch, it's you. You malfunction at the thought of me beating you.
Whiskers:
... This really is Hell.