Harder Daddy:
Harder Daddy:
@God THOUGHTS?
God:
... What the actual hell is that?
Pop My Cherri:
FUCK ME IN THE ASS BECAUSE I LOVE JESUS! THE GOOD LORD WOULD WANT IT THAT WAY!
God:
Contrary to popular belief... I don't give a fuck. Lucifer literally had a threesome with Lilith and Eve and I couldn't care less.
Lilith:
... Hold on.
(Lilith added Eve to the chat)
Dick Master:
FUCK YOU! WHY?
Lilith:
@Eve wanna have a threesome again? It's been fucking ages.
Daddy Issues:
DISCUSS THIS SOMEWHERE ELSE PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!
Eve:
Fair point. @Lilith @ShortKing, let's talk elsewhere.
(Eve has left the chat)
Short King:
... And she added us to a group call... Gotta go!
Daddy Issues:
Damn it. I need to wash my eyes out with bleach.
Squeak:
... Same. I didn't need to know about that.
Whiskers:
... @DaddyIssues don't act like you haven't fucked before. You aren't as quiet as you think you are.
Vagina:
... Yeah, we really need Lucifer to hurry up with those walls. Babe, you are fucking loud.
Pear:
So... She's a bottom?
Mouth:
LMFAO, why is that your immediate thought?
Harder Daddy:
Are we shocked though? She gives off bottom energy.
Screen Queen:
AND YOU DON'T?
Dick Master:
You guys want to know who would definitely be a bottom?
Danger Tits:
... I already know you're going to say me, and my response to that is... You don't know shit.
Dick Master:
CALLED IT!
Vagina:
Yeah, that response isn't helping your case.
Danger Tits:
I'm on my way to fucking kick your ass.
Kayden:
Please tell me your friend isn't coming with you? He kept bugging me last time he was here.
Danger Tits:
He's not coming. You're good.
Pop My Cherri:
OK, but can we keep discussing relationships because...
(Pop My Cherri added ZESTIal to the chat)
Carfight:
... Choose your words carefully.
Pop My Cherri:
... I'm rethinking my decision.
Screen Queen:
No, because there's definitely something between the two of them. @Carfight, be honest bitch. Are you and @ZESTIal a thing?
ZESTIal:
Her and I are good friends.
Carfight:
Exactly. Nothing more, nothing less.
Screen Queen:
BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT!
(ZESTIal has left the chat)
Carfight:
... I'd like to have a meeting with you. Just the two of us. Normal place. Be there in 30 minutes.
Screen Queen:
... Bye everyone. Please come to my funeral. @DangerTits, beat the shit out of Vox if he shows up.
Danger Tits:
Who the fuck said I'd go to your funeral?
Screen Queen:
... Oh.
Whiskers:
... I think you genuinely upset her.
Pear:
Yeah... Her face fully fucking dropped.
Big Ass Forehead:
@ScreenQueen SEE? NOT EVEN YOUR TRUSTED EXORCIST COUNSELOR CARES ABOUT YOU! SHE PROBABLY JUST USED YOU OR SOMETHING! YOU FELL FOR IT! YOU'RE A DUMB BITCH!
(Danger Tits has removed Big Ass Forehead from the chat)
Danger Tits:
@Carfight she might not be able to make it to that meeting. Don't hold it against her. It's on me.
Carfight:
... Noted.
Vagina:
She just walked out of the door. You're a bit too late.
Danger Tits:
... No I'm not. I'm outside.
STAB:
You look like you're kidnapping her. LMAO
Squeak:
You kind of do... Just, less violently than I'd expect.
Kayden:
... Off topic but... Anyone wanna do a puzzle with me? I'm bored, and I found a puzzle.
Daddy Issues:
Sure. Why not.
Vagina:
I'm almost afraid to ask what the puzzle is...
Freaky Face:
It's one of a bunch of cannibals eating someone. It's my puzzle.
Squeak:
... WHY?
Vagina:
Yeah, that's why I was afraid to ask. I knew we didn't have any damn puzzles.
Kayden:
It's also 5000 pieces... Who's joining?
Daddy Issues:
I still am. I'm assuming Alastor is joining since it's his puzzle?
Freaky Face:
Nope. I'm going to meet up with a friend. Enjoy the puzzle.
Squeak:
... I'll join. Just... I'm sorry if I get grossed out. I'm not used to that kind of stuff...
Harder Daddy:
I'm great at puzzles. @Whiskers and I are joining.
Mouth:
I usually love puzzles and would love to join, but Pera and I are going out.
Pop My Cherri:
Actually, it's a double date. @TwoDicks and I are going too.
Vagina:
To all of the fuckers doing the puzzle, I'm grabbing snacks.
Screen Queen:
I'll grab drinks... Not alcohol. I'm not good at mixing that shit. LMAO
Daddy Issues:
Are you OK? I'm guessing you and @DangerTits made up?
Danger Tits:
It was a misunderstanding. I was fucking joking when I said I wouldn't go to her funeral.
Screen Queen:
I may have... Overreacted a bit. Either way, I'm still going to that meeting with @Carfight.
Carfight:
It's not necessary.
Kayden:
... There's a piece missing. A leg.
Freaky Face:
It's in the top drawer next to the stove in the kitchen. Niffty put it there.
STAB:
I like hiding things.
Lilith:
Who wants to hear the details of our wonderful group call?
Dick Master:
SHUT UP! FUCKING WHORE!
Short King:
You're just pissed I got both of your bitches.
Harder Daddy:
I'm guessing you're all gonna have a threesome? FUCKING FILM IT! IT'LL SELL!
Lilith:
... Yes, and no.
Daddy Issues:
STOP! FUCKING GROSS!
Pop My Cherri:
I'm willing to bet that the three of you are kinky as fuck. Like, no vanilla shit.
Squeak:
... I'm out. Bye.
Kayden:
Let's just do the puzzle...
Lilith:
@PopMyCherri you want details?
Pop My Cherri:
... More like I want ideas.
Lilith:
Anyone who wants details/ideas, send 👨🏼🦲, and I'll add you to a group.
Pop My Cherri:
👨🏼🦲
Harder Daddy:
👨🏼🦲
Screen Queen:
👨🏼🦲 I like knowing shit. LMAO
Vagina:
... 👨🏼🦲
Daddy Issues:
VAGGIE! WHY?
Vagina:
Reasons.
Lilith:
Anyone else?
Danger Tits:
Add Adam and mute him just to piss him off.
Dick Master:
You're fucking fired bitch.
Danger Tits:
Am I supposed to give a fuck? The exterminations have literally been cancelled. What fucking job was I doing anyway besides that?
Whiskers:
Exterminations were actually cancelled? I'm shocked, but not.
STAB:
It would be really awkward if exterminations were still going on considering this chat... And the amount of times @DangerTits has been here since her first coffee date with @Vagina.
Vagina:
Niffty, no... Coffee date? Definitely not.
Danger Tits:
Damn, that would be awkward. "Let me fucking slaughter all of you while I think about the time we played Cards Against Humanity."
Screen Queen:
... You'd spare me, right?
Vagina:
I SWEAR TO GOD BITCH! IF YOU SAY YES, THEN YOU'RE A FUCKING HYPOCRITE!
Danger Tits:
@ScreenQueen Yes, I would. And @Vagina, fuck off.
Carfight:
... @ScreenQueen I told you the meeting wasn't necessary. Why are you walking into the building? And, who's with you?
Screen Queen:
I brought backup. I'M GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH ZESTIAL!
Carfight:
Backup?
Danger Tits:
I was dragged here against my will.
Screen Queen:
Bullshit. You said yes when I asked you to come.
Carfight:
@Whiskers, I'll be coming to the hotel tonight for drinks. I think I'm going to need it.
Whiskers:
... I'll keep that in mind.
Harder Daddy:
Wow... Carmine has been pushed to drink. That's actually fucking funny.
Two Dicks:
I wonder what she's like while drunk.
Pear:
I guess we'll figure it out tonight...
YOU ARE READING
Hazbin Hotel Group Chat
FanfictionWelcome to my shitty story. The title explains it all. And now... DISCLAIMERS! Because people get pissed over stupid shit. Seriously, if you don't like my story, then don't read it. •Characters may be a bit off because... Why not? It's fun to see...