Hazbin Hotel Group Chat

Well...

Whiskers:
This is a message to all of you fuckers... Stop using me and my serving of alcohol as a way of stalling.
Vagina:
I'm trying to sleep. Why the fuck are you complaining?
Whiskers:
... Because there's a certain bitch here drinking and stalling.
Rosie:
@ScreenQueen I fucking know it's you.
Screen Queen:
Fuck off.
Danger Tits:
It's fine. We were going to talk, but she clearly doesn't want to. That's her choice, and it's perfectly OK.
Screen Queen:
IT'S NOT THAT, OK? IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T WANT TO TALK. I'M SCARED TO. I KNOW YOU SAID THAT I DID NOTHING WRONG, BUT FUCK! I ALWAYS DO SOMETHING FUCKING WRONG. AT LEAST, THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE FUCKING SEEMS TO THINK! I ACCIDENTALLY TOLD YOU I FUCKING LOVED YOU. IT FELT SO DAMN RIGHT TO SAY, BUT WHAT IF IT WASN'T FUCKING RIGHT? WHAT IF YOU FUCKING LEAVE BECAUSE OF WHAT I SAID? IT'LL BE MY FUCKING FAULT, JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE!
Danger Tits:
... Why the fuck would I leave when I feel the same fucking way? You are the only person who's ever said that to me and actually meant it. Contrary to popular belief, that actually means something to me. When I said you did nothing wrong, I meant it. All I wanted to do was fucking talk. It's fine though... We don't have to. Forget it.
Screen Queen:
... I'm sorry...
Harder Daddy:
... Damn, drama. I walk through the doors and all I see is this bitch sobbing on the bar.
Whiskers:
... Yeah, I don't get paid enough for this.
Daddy Issues:
Husk... You don't get paid.
Whiskers:
Exactly.
Squeak:
... Way to ruin the mood.
Dick Master:
Would you all shut the fuck up. They're not a good match, talking would be pointless, and at this point, they should just not be in contact. There... Problem solved.
Lilith:
... Bitch, you can't even solve a simple math problem. What makes you think you could solve a complex emotional problem?
Roo:
LMFAO, he thought 3 multiplied by 3 was fucking 6.
Screen Queen:
@DangerTits FUCKING PLEASE DON'T CUT CONTACT WITH ME! I'll talk, OK? I'm sorry... Please...
Big Ass Forehead:
It's a bit too late bitch. She's not responding, so... She probably blocked your ass.
Harder Daddy:
Fucking shut up. She literally just showed up. You don't know shit.
Whiskers:
Oh thank God... I honestly didn't know what to do. She looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack or some shit.
Carfight:
... Am I needed?
Danger Tits:
No... It's OK... I've got things handled.
Carfight:
Good... I was trying to sleep, but I got this obnoxious feeling...
Pear:
... Is that how you always know that something is going wrong here? LMAO
Carfight:
You know how annoying flies are? That's how that feeling is. It's just this irritating alert that you've all done something stupid, and I need to come deal with your bullshit.
Roo:
... You fucking hate us, don't you? LMFAO
Carfight:
... Some of you, yes.
Short King:
... @BigAssForehead @DickMaster SHE MEANS THE BOTH OF YOU!
Carfight:
... Exactly.
Dick Master:
FUCK OFF KAREN!
Big Ass Forehead:
GO BACK TO THE NURSING HOME GRANDMA!
Carfight:
... Might I remind you that you're not very young either. Neither of you are.
Pop My Cherri:
Yeah... Didn't you die in like the 50s or 60s? LMFAO 👴🏻
Morana:
To be fair... A lot of us aren't very young.
Elle:
If anyone here is old as shit, it's Lucifer. Like, damn... 10000 years or some shit.
Short King:
At least I'm still cool.
Squeak:
Cooler than Adam... He still says "chillax".
Buzz Buzz:
... I'm not old, I'm just experienced.
Lilith:
Yeah, I tell myself that too bitch.
Pear:
I relate to none of your ancient bullshit.
Daddy Issues:
... You're lucky. It's been so odd to see the times change.
Short King:
I remember when everyone talked like Zestial. LMFAO, so fucking stupid.
Carfight:
Watch it Lucifer.
Roo:
... OK, why can I see Carmilla kicking Lucifer's ass. Like, I know he could probably just snap and end her, but at the same time... I can see her winning.
Short King:
HOW ABOUT WE TEST THAT SHIT? WOOHOO!
STAB:
... He's clearly bored again.
Vagina:
GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!
Harder Daddy:
NO!
Two Dicks:
... He's banging pans.
Elle:
Wow, thank you for telling us. It's not like we can fucking hear that.
Whiskers:
... I have a fucking headache.
Big Ass Forehead:
Oh? Well, I have a new chip that will implant into your brain and it'll help with that... Just come work with me and join the Vees. You can become Vlad.
Whiskers:
... Fucking why would I do that?
Mouth:
VLAD? LMFAO
Pop My Cherri:
Holy shit... @HarderDaddy, remember when you were bullshitting about your family being rivals with the Castellanos? Well, I found members of that family now, and one of them is a crazy fucker. His name is Dan and he likes to spray paint ugly lawn figures, and he is waiting for the mothership to come get him. He also has a porn addiction.
Harder Daddy:
... Where the fuck did you find him?
Pop My Cherri:
... Texas. Remember that time we were there?
Pear:
Why the fuck is everyone in Texas?
Kayden:
... I'm so confused. We went from emotional things, to old people, and now... Texas?
Whiskers:
And don't forget... I'm now apparently Vlad.
Big Ass Forehead:
It's fitting. Come work for me.
Dick Master:
Then, both of you can work for me. I'm the boss of all bosses.
Lilith:
You are literally nothing Adam.
Buzz Buzz:
@Elle @Kayden How did your lunch with Loona and Via go yesterday?
Elle:
Great honestly. We planned to meet up again next week.
Buzz Buzz:
Great! Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that Stolas found out about Via sneaking out. LMFAO, he got over it though.
Short King:
... His kid needs to have some fun anyway.
Daddy Issues:
Dad... When I was a teen, I literally left to go for a walk, and you lost your shit.
Lilith:
I FUCKING REMEMBER THAT! He cried, then got pissed, then cried because he got pissed and felt bad. It was fucking awful.
Squeak:
I wish I had some sort of family dynamic. Sera always just told me to leave her be and to make everyone happy...
Short King:
... You're now my child. I'm taking you in.
Roo:
It's really that simple? LMAO
Short King:
Yes, it is.
Squeak:
... I don't know whether I should be thankful, or concerned.
Mouth:
... Both.
Kayden:
@DangerTits Are you OK?
Danger Tits:
Everything's fine, don't worry.
Pop My Cherri:
Is Vel still alive?
Vagina:
Why the fuck would she be dead?
Danger Tits:
She's asleep. She'll be fine. We talked.
Daddy Issues:
... So, does this mean you're a thing, or are you still not sure? Did things go well? I mean, you said it's fine, but...
Daddy Issues:
I'm so sorry... That's none of my business. I didn't mean to pry.
Danger Tits:
... Yes, everything went fine... I'm not just saying that to get you all off my ass. And yes, we mutually agreed to try putting a label on... Whatever the hell our dynamic is.
Lilith:
CONGRATS BITCH! FUCKING GIRLFRIENDS!
Two Dicks:
... You're really good at ruining the mood.
STAB:
And you're good at... Wait, what are you good at?
Pop My Cherri:
Pounding my pussy.
Morana:
Fucking no.
Pop My Cherri:
Uh, fucking yes. I'd know. It's his dicks, and my pussy.
Morana:
... You know I didn't mean it like that asshole.
Roo:
Anyway, Back to the girlfriends... Do either of you need anything, or are you good?
Danger Tits:
We're fine, and if any of you come near this fucking room and wake her up, I'll end you. I'm heading to bed, and unless you're Vel, don't wake my ass up either.
Vagina:
... Don't worry. I learned that a long time ago.
STAB:
... I don't fear death... DEATH FEARS ME!
Freaky Face:
Go fight your roaches.
STAB:
... They're still winning.
Pear:
Niffty... You stabbed the shit out of Adam. How are you being defeated by literal bugs?
STAB:
... I DON'T KNOW! 😭