Hazbin Hotel Group Chat

The Journey is Back.

Buzz Buzz:
I'M PREGNANT!
Short King:
FUCKING WHAT?
Pop My Cherri:
CONGRATS BITCH!
Screen Queen:
CAN I POST IT?
Lilith:
With fucking who? You just went through a breakup like a month ago.
Buzz Buzz:
I'm fucking kidding. I just wanted to see who'd respond to that at 2:54 in the morning.
Short King:
DON'T FUCK WITH MY EMOTIONS LIKE THAT!
Lilith:
OK, good... It's not a fling situation... I was about to find the asshole and cut off his dick.
Buzz Buzz:
... Damn... It wouldn't be that big of a deal.
Lilith:
... It would though.
Pop My Cherri:
I'm so fucking glad sinners can't reproduce. I would've had countless kids by now. LMAO
Harder Daddy:
That's why it's good to be gay!
Whiskers:
... Even if you were straight, you wouldn't get fucking pregnant anyway.
Roo:
OK, don't fucking come at me for this, but does anyone else hate it when couples say "We're pregnant"? Like, no... Both of you aren't carrying a fetus for 9 fucking months. Both of you aren't dealing with the symptoms of pregnancy and the possibility of postpartum depression.
Buzz Buzz:
... Are you speaking from experience or some shit? LMAO
Roo:
No... It just pisses me off.
Mouth:
... I'm now exiting the building. You being pissed off about literally anything just screams DISASTER and DEATH!
Roo:
... I'm gonna follow you then. LMAO
Pear:
... You two going out somewhere at 3:12 in the morning? Fuck no.
Roo:
We'll be fine. I'm not going to kill her, and trust me... Anyone who fucks with me would be dead real fucking quick.
Mouth:
Wow, thanks bitch. Leave me to fend for myself.
Roo:
I never said that. Your words, not mine.
Screen Queen:
I'm sensing a forming friendship... Enemies to friends.
Danger Tits:
Enemies? LMAO, I don't think Roo ever gave a fuck.
Roo:
Not wrong.
Mouth:
We will not become fucking friends.
Daddy Issues:
No... Vel is right. I see it too.
Vagina:
No offense, but you always see good even when there isn't any.
Daddy Issues:
... And you always see bad even when there isn't any.
Vagina:
... Fair point.
Whiskers:
Since we're all fucking up at shitty hours, who wants a drink?
Harder Daddy:
I want more of those brownies that make you join the journey. Minus the whole Vox being an ass thing, that was a fun experience.
Screen Queen:
Do we still have those? I want one!
Danger Tits:
... I will fucking restrain you.
Two Dicks:
We still have them. Everyone come get one!
Short King:
And I'm leaving! Good bye!
Lilith:
... @Carfight Just alerting you... We're doing stupid shit.
Carfight:
... I've got a list of responsible individuals who can contact me and who I can contact in case something goes wrong.
Screen Queen:
I'm so fucking excited!
Pear:
... the Root of all Evil disappeared with my girlfriend and I don't want to get drugged out here, so I'm coming back. @Roo Make sure Thora doesn't fucking die.
Roo:
Noted.
Mouth:
I can handle myself.
Harder Daddy:
HE'S HERE! OUR JOURNEY LEADER IS HERE!
God:
... @DickMaster You should eat one of those brownies.
Dick Master:
Good idea! I'm on my way!
Danger Tits:
WHY WOULD YOU SEND HIS ASS HERE?
God:
... Part of the experience is floating in lava. I want him to feel pain.
Danger Tits:
... Fair enough.
Whiskers:
... Does he have to announce his arrival by singing 🎶I'M HERE🎶?
Vagina:
Apparently... WHO GAVE NIFFTY A BROWNIE?
STAB:
HEHEHE CLOUD MAN!
Pop My Cherri:
The great war of Abraham Lincoln and Broccoli!
Freaky Face:
... Why do I waste my time with all of you?
Vagina:
... You could fucking leave.
Short King:
... Why would Abraham Lincoln fight broccoli?
Two Dicks:
DO NOT QUESTION THE GREAT CLOUD YOU OUTSIDER! YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND IF YOU DON'T JOIN THE JOURNEY!
Short King:
I don't want to understand!
Buzz Buzz:
Oh shit! I walk away for a bit to make hot chocolate and I miss this? Fuck all of you!
Danger Tits:
... You're the one who decided to make hot chocolate. LMAO
Buzz Buzz:
I know... @Lilith what's going on in your head right now bitch?
Lilith:
The universe is vast, and the meaning of life is what it is. We're just here to exist, to float through each parallel universe. Maybe we'll meet our alternate selves one day, and maybe they'll join us. Either way... OH SHIT! IT'S STARTING! HE'S DISPERSING!
Harder Daddy:
YES GREAT CLOUD! COME INTO ME! FILL ME WITH YOUR PRESENCE!
Whiskers:
Even like this, he still has to make shit sexual?
Kayden:
... Are they about to start screaming?
Daddy Issues:
... Probably.
Kayden:
... I can't find my headphones, or earplugs. I think Niffty moved them.
Danger Tits:
... I can either help you look, or I've got headphones you can borrow.
Vagina:
Why the fuck do you just have headphones with you?
Danger Tits:
... Because they can be more satisfying than earbuds.
Kayden:
... The screaming already started. Can I just borrow yours please?
Short King:
... That reminds me, I still need to fix these walls.
Danger Tits:
I'm bringing them to you. And yes Lucifer, you do need to fix the damn walls. I'm tired of hearing fucking every time I'm here.
Dick Master:
KON! BORNIND! BRUKIL! MIARNIO!
Whiskers:
Seriously, what fucking language is that?
Freaky Face:
... @God?
God:
... I have no fucking idea what that is. LMAO
Mouth:
Anyway, is it a bad time to say WE'RE BEING FOLLOWED BY A LARGE ASS GROUP OF ASSHOLES WITH WEAPONS?
Pear:
Yeah, it fucking is.
Carfight:
... I would offer to help, but considering who you're with... You'll be fine.
Mouth:
OH SHIT! THEY ALL HAVE FUCKING WINGS?
Roo:
... Not for long. And one of them dropped their gun. Grab that.
Pear:
If my girlfriend doesn't come back in one piece, I'm going to be fucking livid.
Mouth:
No, don't worry... We've got things under control.
Roo:
... These dumb fuckers barely know how to use their own weapons.
Danger Tits:
... @Vagina Just curious, but does it also piss you off when idiots use weapons even though they clearly aren't trained?
Vagina:
Yeah... Seeing others misuse weapons is infuriating... Although our training was pretty damn flawed.
Carfight:
... Yes, it was.
Mouth:
We're on our way back... We stopped to grab coffee from the one place that's open... And I think after this experience... I can confidently say I trust this bitch a little more. LMAO
Roo:
That's the best I can get? If I wasn't there, your ass would've been screwed.
Mouth:
Don't push it asshole.
Short King:
They've stopped screaming and are now wandering around... OH SHIT! THEY'RE COMING AFTER ME!
Danger Tits:
... We can restrain them.
Kayden:
I'm bringing your headphones back to you. I'm also going to get a drink!
Daddy Issues:
Just be careful... They will pet you.
Vagina:
LMAO, Husk locked Niffty in a suitcase.
Whiskers:
She isn't petting... She's scraping with a knife.
Lilith:
Lucifer, where did you go?
Short King:
FUCK OFF!
Dick Master:
I feel like a new man... Still the shit though.
Danger Tits:
You won't be feeling shit if you don't get the fuck away from me.
Vagina:
... Pentious is petting his eggs. That's just too fucking normal for this shit.
Whiskers:
The fact that we consider that normal is concerning.
Carfight:
... Do I need to come or do you have things under control?
Danger Tits:
We're good. They're just being disgustingly touchy. Niffty is still in the suitcase, we tied Adam to the table, and everyone else is perfectly fine... As fine as they can be I guess.
Carfight:
Good... Because if I'm being honest, I've been feeling quite ill and I did not want to have to come there.
Short King:
WE CAN GET SICK IN HELL?
Buzz Buzz:
... Of course we can get sick in Hell. What the fuck do you think Belphegor is for dumbass?
Short King:
... I meant sinners.
Buzz Buzz:
Oh... Well, I guess they can.
Screen Queen:
I got someone to join the journey... The Great Cloud would be proud.
Danger Tits:
... No, I'm not joining your bullshit. I'm restraining you because you broke a lamp and began petting the glass shards.
Screen Queen:
... The glass can join too!
Vagina:
... Should we just lock them all in their rooms or?...
Roo:
Yes... Then we can all go the fuck to sleep.