Hazbin Hotel Group Chat

Parties... And Sex

Vagina:
... I still feel like shit after yesterday. What the actual fuck did we drink?
Danger Tits:
Does anyone remember a lecture being given that actually didn't suck?
Harder Daddy:
... IT DID SUCK!
Danger Tits:
You only say that because Carmine slapped you after you continuously made fun of Zestial's old English bullshit. That was the good part of the lecture.
Screen Queen:
I just remember everyone screaming in unison when Zestial showed up.
Squeak:
That wasn't you guys... It was everyone else at the amusement park.
Big Ass Forehead:
THE CLOWN CRACKED MY SCREEN!
Carfight:
I still don't care. You weren't on my roster.
Pop My Cherri:
We're still having that party though, right? I'm only asking because... There's a large shipment of alcohol outside.
Harder Daddy:
Yeah. Tonight. We're gonna be fucked!
Short King:
... That bitch couldn't even come by to say hello? She just sent the alcohol here?
Lilith:
Just be grateful she sent it. LMAO
Daddy Issues:
@Kayden Are you going to hang out with Rosie again?
Kayden:
She's busy. I'll just stay upstairs.
Roo:
I'll check on her periodically.
Two Dicks:
We are not fucking on the stairs again.
Pop My Cherri:
Agreed. That fucking sucked.
Lilith:
Update... It's been 5 hours. Everyone is fucked, and they are fucking on the stairs again.
Vagina:
I think I'm lost.
Whiskers:
... You're sitting on the couch. How the actual fuck are you lost?
Vagina:
I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! FUCK OFF!
Short King:
See? I did get the good shit!
Harder Daddy:
Who the fuck is singing? It sounds like shit.
Daddy Issues:
The eggs are doing karaoke.
Dick Master:
God damn it... Is that stupid bitch down there again? I need to talk to her about something.
Squeak:
Yes, she's here, and what is so important that you need to discuss with her?
Dick Master:
@DangerTits FUCKING ANSWER BITCH!
Danger Tits:
What the actual fuck do you want? I'm busy.
Whiskers:
... Busy with what? You're just standing near a wall staring blankly at it.
Danger Tits:
... Is that what I've been doing?
Dick Master:
I have business to discuss with you.
God:
What fucking business. Exterminations don't happen anymore. I'm willing to bet that you just want to tell her about your latest bang session with some girl.
Dick Master:
FUCKING JUST GET BACK HERE BITCH!
Danger Tits:
... Once again, I'm busy.
STAB:
... She's sharpening a sword.
Lilith:
... While drunk? That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Pear:
... How fucking much have you all drank by this point?
Pop My Cherri:
A baby and half dozen babies.
Two Dicks:
14 shits.
Mouth:
FUCKING WHAT?
Whiskers:
I think shits was supposed to be shots, but... Babies? I have no fucking idea.
Two Dicks:
EVERYONE JOIN KARAOKE!
Lilith:
I guess they're done fucking on the stairs... And someone just fell down them. LMAO
Screen Queen:
I did not fall down the stairs. I flipped down. I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Kayden:
Who is banging on the ceiling?
Squeak:
Lucifer is flying in circles and keeps hitting his head on the ceiling.
Short King:
I'M SURVEYING THE AREA! WE'RE NOT uNDER ATTACK! OW!
Freaky Face:
... Why is Niffty taking shots of bleach?
Harder Daddy:
NIFFTY! NO! WHAT THE FUCK?
Pop My Cherri:
This next song goes out to that random guy across the street that took a shit in a trashcan last week...
God:
What song could she possibly be singing?
Pear:
... WAP... I have no idea how it has to do with some guy shitting in a trashcan, but... WAP!
Mouth:
... I DID NOT WANT TO SEE HIS TWO DICKS! PUT THAT SHIT AWAY!
Whiskers:
... Lucifer has stopped surveying the area and is now just quacking into the microphone...
God:
... Are you all just texting this shit to make me feel included? LMAO
Whiskers:
Maybe. You wanted to come last time, and I'm assuming you didn't come this time because you're busy, so... We're giving you updates.
Screen Queen:
I NEED HELP! I want to confess to my one true love, but... What if I fuck it up?
Lilith:
... Bitch, you're drunk. You're going to fuck it up regardless.
Screen Queen:
... I swear to drunk I'm not God.
God:
No shit. I'm God.
Daddy Issues:
Just sing to your one true love. That's what I'm about to do. Actually... @Vagina DUET TIME!
Vagina:
... I can't stand. LMAO
Harder Daddy:
She's not lying. She tried, then immediately face planted into the carpet.
Danger Tits:
She almost hit the sword I was sharpening... Which I forgot I was doing until she almost sliced her face in half. Does that mean I could've potentially owed her another eye?
Dick Master:
... BITCH! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Screen Queen:
FUCK OFF!
Roo:
... Damn, you pissed her off. Anyone want to bet on who her "one true love" is?
Lilith:
No... Because we'd all say the same person.
STAB:
Worst duet ever. Titless passed out in the middle of it.
Mouth:
TITLESS? LMFAO, do you mean Vaggie?
Stab:
... Yeah, she has no tits.
Harder Daddy:
Not wrong... Oh fuck... Here goes the love confession.
Carfight:
@BigAssForehead @DickMaster you two ready to clean up their mess in the morning?
Big Ass Forehead:
FUCK OFF BITCH!
Freaky Face:
Respect your elders Vox.
Carfight:
I don't know whether I should respect you for that, or take that as an insult.
Pop My Cherri:
OH MY FUCKING GOD! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
Whiskers:
... That was definitely worth Fuck level 5.
Lilith:
... @DickMaster. Wish you were here to see what just happened.
Short King:
THEY'RE IN LOVE!
God:
... What the actual fuck happened?
Screen Queen:
I FUCKED UP! 😭
Daddy Issues:
... She sang a cheesy ass love song... Then walked over, full on kissed @DangerTits, and then panicked and ran off crying.
Danger Tits:
... Crying? She was sobbing and apologizing. I'm confused. I'm following her though.
Pop My Cherri:
20 fucking dollars... They're going to fuck.
Harder Daddy:
20? Bitch, 100. It'll definitely happen.
Dick Master:
... I'M ON MY FUCKING WAY! And... $200 THEY WILL NOT FUCK!
God:
I like bets... What kind of kiss was it?
Harder Daddy:
Passionate, long... Fucking material if I'm being honest.
Danger Tits:
She's still apologizing. I'm not pissed or anything. What do I do?
God:
... $200 they will fuck. Also... What you should do is... FUCK!
Mouth:
Considering that they ended up in a closet and still haven't come out... They're probably going to take that advice.
Roo:
God's wonderful advice was... "FUCK"! That's how to make the situation better apparently. LMAO
Short King:
THREAT APPROACHING! PUSSY BLOCKER INCOMING!
Vagina:
... Why is Adam here?
Whiskers:
Well, she's conscious again. We'll tell you later.
Vagina:
... Where am I?
Two Dicks:
... Under Niffty.
God:
FUCKING WHAT?
STAB:
I'm using her as a chair.
Vagina:
... The heartless bitch got a girlfriend?
Daddy Issues:
... She either scrolled back, or is listening to Adam screaming.
Vagina:
I learned to tune him out a long ass time ago. I scrolled.
Freaky Face:
... Lucifer threw him. I don't understand how he has enough coordination to do that, but he continuously hit his head on the ceiling flying in circles.
Kayden:
I'm hungry. If I come downstairs, what should I expect?
Whiskers:
Niffty is still sitting on Vaggie, Charlie is laughing at nothing, Angel and Cherri are having a drinking contest, but they're being stupid and chugging milk. Pentious is petting his eggs, Pera and Thora are being normal, Adam is laying outside of a window screaming the word fuck repeatedly, Lilith and Lucifer disappeared and I think Eve went with them, and... I think the mating of Heaven and Hell is still going on in the closet. It's chill compared to earlier. Oh, and Alastor is just being... Alastor.
Freaky Face:
Fitting. 
Squeak:
You forgot me... I went upstairs. LMAO, parties aren't my thing.
Vagina:
Update... I hear vomiting noises, and I'm assuming the milk drinking contest has gone downhill...
STAB:
YAY! CLEANING TIME!
Kayden:
... @Squeak Can you go with me?
Squeak:
Yeah.
God:
... I just realized I don't know half of your names, and the message sent by @Whiskers gave me some idea of who some of you are.
Harder Daddy:
... Holy shit, we have never introduced ourselves to God. Is that disrespectful? Is that a sin?
Pop My Cherri:
We're already in Hell. Who cares if it's a sin?
Pear:
They typed that as they began vomiting again.
Mouth:
I just kind of assumed God is all knowing and knew our names already.
God:
... I'm supposed to be all-knowing, but I'm too busy for that.
Dick Master:
I WANT TO KNOW THE NAME OF THE BITCH WHO I'M PISSED AT!
God:
Why are you pissed at her? It's not like you had a chance with literally any woman.
Daddy Issues:
... Velvette? Is that who you're talking about?
Dick Master:
FUCKING YES! STUPID NAME WHICH IS FITTING FOR A STUPID BITCH!
Vagina:
... Adam, you claim you named me after the best thing ever, which apparently is vagina. You can't say shit about stupid names. Look what you choose for the exorcists.
Harder Daddy:
HOLY SHIT! So your name in here is actually fitting? LMAO
God:
... He names the exorcists. I feel bad for them now. LMAO
Vagina:
Best thing is... He forgot half of their names, so he calls them hot bitch, other hot bitch, big tits, small ass, and other things like that. LMAO
Kayden:
... Do we have any macaroni and cheese?
Whiskers:
... No.
Squeak:
That sucks. We were talking about it and it sounded good.
Carfight:
... I planned on heading over now and bringing pain meds for potential headaches for everyone's hangover tomorrow. Would you like me to also bring macaroni?
Kayden:
YES! PLEASE!
Two Dicks:
... Is she now the collective mom of the hotel?
Carfight:
I hope not. I'm on my way.
Squeak:
Thank you.