Hazbin Hotel Group Chat

Coffee Dream?

Vagina:
... @DangerTits
Vagina:
I had a dream about you. LMAO
Danger Tits:
... Am I supposed to care?
Dick Master:
You dream of her? Gross. Gay.
Harder Daddy:
Watch it asshole! Homophobia is a fuck no.
Vagina:
Anyway, the dream was weird as fuck. You'd think it would be us fighting, or me celebrating your death, but NO! We were just having coffee like normal ass people.
Danger Tits:
... What the actual fuck is wrong with you?
Daddy Issues:
MY HOPE IS RESTORED! Maybe that dream was a message! You two will make up and become friends!
Vagina:
Fucking no!
Danger Tits:
... I don't need friends. They disappoint me.
Short King:
Did you just quote something? LMFAO
Harder Daddy:
The fact that the man who called his phone a "Cellular device" knows Internet references baffles me.
Daddy Issues:
He doesn't actually call his phone a cellular device.
Short King:
It just makes the "YOUNGINS" uncomfortable. 👴🏻
Vagina:
... Oh my fucking God.
Two Dicks:
... It's working.
Harder Daddy:
Youngins?
Pop My Cherri:
@ShortKing I know you're the King of Hell and all, so pardon me when I say this... SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Short King:
OFF WITH YOUR HEAD BITCH!
(Dick Master has added Lilith to the chat)
Dick Master:
CONTROL YOUR HUSBAND!
Lilith:
No.
(Lilith has left the chat)
Daddy Issues:
... HOLY SHIT!
Short King:
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
Freaky Face:
... Well that was a productive meeting.
Vagina:
LMFAO, what meeting?
Freaky Face:
... That was the point.
Vagina:
No shit.
Whiskers:
Why does @DickMaster have Lilith's number anyway? Hell, why is no one else questioning that?
Daddy Issues:
ADAM! FUCKING EXPLAIN!
Short King:
... I mean, I have her number too, but...
Dick Master:
No... Fucking... COMMENT!
STAB:
Maybe they're back together!
Danger Tits:
... No. Definitely not.
STAB:
How do you know? Are you fucking him instead?
Danger Tits:
... I still don't want to be here.
Vagina:
Wanna go for coffee instead? LMFAO
Danger Tits:
I'd rather do that then have that... Gremlin or whatever it is... Ask me if I'm fucking Adam.
STAB:
So... That's a yes?
Daddy Issues:
I'm just pissed that he can get her to answer by adding her to this shitty chat, but I've been calling her for 7 FUCKING YEARS! SHE WON'T ANSWER ME!
Dick Master:
... Maybe it's because she doesn't love you bitch.
Short King:
I am on my way to your location. Prepare to get fucked and die... Again.
Harder Daddy:
He means get fucked up, right?
Pop My Cherri:
From what he's said before, no... I think he meant what he said.
STAB:
@DaddyIssues now has 2 dads! Maybe she can get over those daddy issues with double the daddies.
Harder Daddy:
LMFAO, that's fucking awful. Never say that shit again.
Danger Tits:
... He actually fucking showed up.
Daddy Issues:
MY DAD IS FUCKING THERE? SHIT!
Vagina:
Coffee time?
Danger Tits:
Now you're making me think you genuinely want to have coffee with me.
Vagina:
Hell no. It's still a joke. LMAO
Whiskers:
@DangerTits, keep us updated on the situation.
Danger Tits:
Fuck no. I left the area.
Short King:
Don't worry... We just had a nice chat...
Dick Master:
HE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME WITH A RUBBER FUCKING DUCK!
Danger Tits:
... I'm regretting my decision to leave the area.
Dick Master:
Yeah! You should've been there to help me bitch.
Danger Tits:
... No. I just want to see someone get beat up with a rubber duck.
Short King:
IT'S NOT JUST A RUBBER DUCK! IT'S DRESSED LIKE A COW! IT'S A RUBBER COW DUCK! GET IT RIGHT!
Daddy Issues:
... I really am concerned.
STAB:
Oh... How's the Angelic Club going?
Vagina:
WE DON'T HAVE A CLUB!
Short King:
I found our mascot! It's a rubber duck... DRESSED LIKE GOD!
Two Dicks:
... And what does God look like?
Dick Master:
... The only way to describe him is... He just looks like God.
Freaky Face:
Wow. Thank you for that incredible description.
Short King:
No, he's right. That is the only way to describe him. He just... Looks like God.
Whiskers:
So... How do you have a rubber duck that is dressed like God then.
Short King:
Because God made it and gave it to me a long ass time ago. It was the first rubber duck to ever exist.
Danger Tits:
You're fucking saying that the first rubber duck wasn't even a plain ass duck? It was made to look like God himself?
Short King:
Yes.
Two Dicks:
I still want to know if you're inviting Camaro Carfight to join your club.
Vagina:
NO! THERE IS NO CLUB AND SHE ISN'T A DAMN ANGEL!
Harder Daddy:
She looks like it though... Kind of.
Short King:
When's our first club meeting? Actually, next Saturday!
Vagina:
... At a coffee place?
Danger Tits:
... Oh my fucking God.
Short King:
No! In my basement. We can do Heaven and Hell trivia!
Daddy Issues:
... Do you have trivia prepared or something?
Dick Master:
... He's had it for years now. He would just write down random facts and add it to his trivia collection.
Short King:
What color of pants was God wearing the day I was banished to Hell?
Dick Master:
... He wasn't fucking wearing pants.
Danger Tits:
... What was he wearing then?
Dick Master:
I don't know you stupid bitch!
Vagina:
Then how the fuck do you know he wasn't wearing pants?
Dick Master:
I just do! SHIT!
Short King:
How many times did I have a threesome with @DickMaster's wives... Or... Would it be ex-wives? Fuck, whatever!
Harder Daddy:
7.
Short King:
How the fuck did you know that?
Harder Daddy:
Wild guess. Plus, it's sex related...
Whiskers:
What is wrong with all of you?
STAB:
EVERYTHING!
Freaky Face:
I mean, take a look at who's in this chat. The King of Hell, his daughter with daddy issues, an ex-exorcist, the one who stabbed the eye out of the ex-exorcist, the first man, a porn star, Niffty, me... And the drunk bar tender.
Pop My Cherri:
You forgot @TwoDicks and I.
Freaky Face:
... You two don't matter.
Whiskers:
Niffty doesn't even get a description. Honestly, that's fitting.
STAB:
YAY!
Harder Daddy:
Let's not forget we had Lilith for like... A fucking second.
Daddy Issues:
Still pissed about that, but it's fine...
Short King:
We can figure that out later... For now, I'm planning for the club!
Vagina:
... Fuck this.