Welcome to my shitty story.
The title explains it all.
And now... DISCLAIMERS! Because people get pissed over stupid shit. Seriously, if you don't like my story, then don't read it.
•Characters may be a bit off because... Why not? It's fun to see...
A/N: Just a note. Pera, the new character that was added in this chapter is NOT my OC. Full credit goes to WarriorCatFan144
Lilith: ... You fuckers want to hear some Heaven gossip? Daddy Issues: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU UP THERE? Dick Master: Considering the fact that she's dropped hints that she is the entire time she's been in this chat... You're fucking dumb as shit if you just now figured that out. Daddy Issues: WHAT FUCKING HINTS? Vagina: When that whole bet happened with Adam and your dad... She said they were all being loud or some shit, meaning she's nearby. Short King: Who knows. Maybe we all met in a midway dimension. Harder Daddy: That makes more sense. You can't go to Heaven anyway. Danger Tits: Actually... The rules are a bit more relaxed now or some shit. He was here. Lilith: FUCKING SHIT! GOSSIP OR NOT? Screen Queen: Can I post it? Lilith: I don't give two shits. Whiskers: STILL CALLED THAT SHIT! Lilith: Anyway... We all know that Saint Peter is gay as shit, right? Vagina: ... Fucking obviously. Lilith: OK, well his ass won't admit it even though that damn closet is made of glass. He literally fucked some guy last week. Either way, someone has been leaving rainbow flags everywhere to irritate him, but it's pissing off the elder angels instead. LMFAO STAB: Who's leaving the flags? Lilith: I'm still trying to figure that shit out. Danger Tits: 🏳️🌈 It's fucking me. Daddy Issues: You know, that's simultaneously shocking, and not shocking at the same time. Dick Master: I've been burning those flags. Freaky Face: ... Your an asshole. I hate you more than I hate Susan. Big Ass Forehead: What about me? I know you hate me. You're obsessed with me. Freaky Face: ... Are you still going on about that? I don't care about your presence. Two Dicks: Why did I just see some random girl in the kitchen? Pop My Cherri: ... Does one of your eggs have your phone again? Two Dicks: No. They're retrieving my cannon from Carfight. Vagina: GOD DAMN IT! IT'S CARMILLA CARMINE! Daddy Issues: Oh, there is someone in the kitchen. It's Pera. She's fine. STAB: Can I stab her? Whiskers: ... Go play with your roaches. (Harder Daddy added Pear to the chat) Pear: ... That's not my name. Harder Daddy: LMFAO, it was autocorrect, but I'm not changing it. Pear: Change it... Harder Daddy: NO! FUCK YOU! Screen Queen: Who shoved a stick up your ass today? Whiskers: He's just like that for fun. Harder Daddy: I'd only genuinely say that to someone I hate... Like Val. Screen Queen: VALASTOR! LMFAO Freaky Face: Once again... That's not why I didn't join. Dick Master: @Pear I think I recognize you. Pear: No you don't. Fuck off. Big Ass Forehead: I'm gonna twerk on a dick. Big Ass Forehead: I DIDN'T SAY THAT! Dick Master: TWERK ON MY DICK! Dick Master: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? Big Ass Forehead: FUCKING LUCIFER! Short King: I'm making ducks! Pride ducks! Short King:
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Pear: ... Dick Master: IT'S THE FRUITY BITCH! SHE'S HACKING US! Pear: Yes, I am... And, fruity? Danger Tits: He's just being an ass. Also, it doesn't help that your name in here is fucking Pear. Pear: @Harder Daddy CHANGE MY NAME! Harder Daddy: No. Harder Daddy: I love PUSSY! Vagina: LMFAO, same. Daddy Issues: ... OH MY FUCKING GOD! Harder Daddy: STOP HACKING OUR SHIT! (God has joined the chat) God: Someone called for me? Lilith: FUCKING SHIT! CHARLIE YOU SUMMONED GOD! Short King: Hi Dad. God: MY SON! God: I HAVE A GRANDDAUGHTER? Daddy Issues: ... Hi. Sorry I summoned you. I didn't mean to. :) God: We all need to meet up! FAMILY REUNION! Call me later. (God has left the chat) Screen Queen: I'm so damn confused. Big Ass Forehead: That's why I called you a stupid bitch. Screen Queen: You're just bitter that your boyfriend is dead. Harder Daddy: VAL IS DEAD? I thought he just... Disappeared, or was being held hostage in a giant rubber duck by Lucifer. Short King: Damn it. I wish I thought of that. (Short King added Carfight to the chat) Short King: HEY BITCH! Can you help me make a giant duck to trap people in? Vagina: HE ADDED CARMINE? Two Dicks: @Carfight Is my cannon ready? My eggs haven't come back yet. Carfight: @ShortKing I'll figure something out. @TwoDicks your cannon is finished, but your eggs are lost. We are looking for them. We'll get them, and your cannon back safely. (Carfight has left the chat) Pear: She didn't even question her name, or why she was added here. She just... Accepted it. LMAO Two Dicks: I'M GOING TO HELP SEARCH FOR MY EGGS! Pop My cherri: ... I'm going with him. He's fucking crying. Lilith: LMFAO, he's crying over eggs. Hold on, did he birth those? Daddy Issues: We've already discussed that. Vagina: OK, but can we discuss that Lucifer just said "HEY BITCH" to fucking Carmine? Short King: I am the literal King of Hell. I can say whatever the fuck I want. Lilith: Bullshit. We both know she's going to lecture you about it later. Harder Daddy: The fucking image in my head of the King of Hell himself being lectured by Carmilla Carmine is the best shit ever. I need to see that. Screen Queen: That old bitch tried to lecture me once. I don't think it went as she planned. LMAO, sucks for her. Danger Tits: If we're going to judge anyone on their lecturing skills... FUCKING ADAM CAN NOT LECTURE FOR SHIT! He tries, but starts going on rants about how he's the "original dick" and how he's the shit or something. It ends up just being him expanding his already massive fucking ego. Dick Master: I do not do that. @Vagina, back me up. Vagina: You do though. Years ago, you tried to lecture me and three others, but the moral of your lecture ended up being that some girl should've fucked you instead of some other guy. Pear: ... That girl made a good choice to screw someone else. Whiskers: Can he keep any bitches? STAB: He kept one. @DangerTits Danger Tits: Him and I never fucked. Dick Master: BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO BUSY FUCKING @Vagina! Vagina: WE NEVER FUCKED EITHER! Pear: Anyone notice that Adam seems real bitter about his accusation? Is he jealous of something that never happened? Danger Tits: I hope not. Pop My cherri: We found the eggs and his cannon. We're on our way back. Oh, and Lucifer... Call the old bitch. (Carfight has joined the chat) Carfight: ... Excuse me. Pop My cherri: ... Bye. Big ass Forehead: HA! She's screwed.
