Resisting Temptation

[116] Realization

You: yeah um I'm glad to hear you're okay.
Diego: wait- you know?
You: about the addiction you've been going through? Yeah, I know.
Diego: who told you?
You: doesn't matter. But I hear you're struggling because of....me? For some reason?
Diego: not exactly. I don't want to completely blame you because it's not your fault.
You: okay so explain why you're doing all of this? Why Kevin is telling me that you need me and that you love me, but then you're with Stephanie.
Diego: no no no. I know what you're thinking and no y/n. Listen it was a coincidence.
You: oh, it was a coincidence that you were at Stephanie's house?
Diego: no. I was at a bar feeling like shit and unable to hold myself up. She was there with a couple friends and helped me. She offered to take me to my house but my parents were there and I didn't want them worrying so she took me to her house instead. But NOTHING happened. I swear. She was just being a good friend.
You: mhmmm. So after all this time we come down to the same shit over and over again. You think that it's easy for me?
Diego: what is?
You: having to forget you? And pretend that nothing happened between us?
Diego: you don't have too-
You: you're forcing me too. Because no matter how hard I try to be with you all you do is continue to let me down.
Diego: you know that I love you. Is that not enough?
You: yeah you SAY that you love me but you don't PROVE it! I can say that I love you too but it doesn't mean anything unless I show you
Diego: y/n when you left you took my heart and soul with you. I would do anything to have you by my side. I can't keep doing this anymore. I want to finally be happy. And that's only gonna be with you. I know I fucked up and continue to do so. And I also know that there's other guys out there who deserve you more than I do. But, if you give me a chance I'm willing to show you why I deserve you and why you should be with me. I'm ready to start a family with you. I want you to be the mother of my children because there's no other woman I can think of that would be any more perfect than you. And we can finally-
You: stop stop stop. Do you hear yourself? Diego you are not in the right mindset. How can you say you're ready to commit when you're acting like THIS? If you were ready, you wouldn't be doing any of this bullshit. You would be here. With me. And instead you're million of miles away from me and with another woman. I understand that you'll be connected to Stephanie because you both share an immense loss. But, why is it always her?
Diego; she doesn't mean anything to me anymore? She was going to have my child but it didn't happen so there's nothing keeping me attached to her. And besides we all have our own ways of coping. Mine is the alcohol.
You: SEE WHAT I MEAN?
Diego: fuck you act like you don't pull some bullshit to cope with your pain too
You: what??
Diego: don't even try to lie to me because I know that you have eating problems. That's how you cope with your pain. By not eating and letting your thoughts eat you alive.
You stayed quiet
Diego: you're just as fucked as I am
You: I'm not.
Diego: you are, stop trying to fool yourself
You: you claim to love me, then say this type of stuff to me as if this will make our relationship any better
Diego: you know what. Maybe it's not me who's the problem. Have you ever thought that's it you?
You: me?
Diego: yeah. It's always something with you. You can't ever be satisfied.
You: I don't even know why I'm having this conversation with you. Goodbye.
You were about to hang up but he said something quietly
Diego: hmph yeah hang up and walk away like you always do from everything.
You: WHY SHOULD I BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE YOU?? WHAT CAN YOU POSSIBLY OFFER ME? HUH?
All you could hear was Diego's breathing
You: you can't offer me a thing.
Diego: oh and you can? Tell me. What can YOU offer me that's so great?
You started crying
You: I can offer you love, which is worth a million things but clearly you don't see things the way I do
Diego: I'm starting to see how different we are from one another
You: yeah. I'm willing to fight for you, and you're not willing to for me
Diego: you're not worth fighting for!
You: I know, you've proved it several times
Diego: and you know what? I'd rather NOT spend the rest of my life with someone like you so forget about everything I told you earlier. I'm better off by myself.
You: yeah, I guess I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone like me either
Diego realized what he had implied
Diego: y/n I didn't mean it in that way-
You hung up and blocked him again before you burst out into tears and chucked your phone at the wall.
-
-
Diego: FUCKKKKK
He chucked his phone at the wall too which caused Mary to run into Diego's room
Mary: mijo?? Estás bien? Que pasó? Que te dijo y/n?
Diego: it's nothing mom
Mary: te conozco, algo pasó. Dime.
Diego: necesito estar solo
-
-
After crying yourself to sleep, in the morning you finally realized that everything you were going through was Diego's fault. Since the day you returned and you both connected. It wasn't your fault and you shouldn't be the one to blame. It was time to leave him in the past and begin a new life. By yourself or with someone else. You just needed to be as far away as possible from Diego to be happy. You hoped the baby you were having was Joao's. He was a man who was mature and knew what he wanted. You grabbed your phone from the ground examining it. Then calling Joao.
Joao: hey? You're up early!
You: hey, can we talk?
-
-
A/N: the next chapters are only going to keep getting better and better :)