Scatter Hearts

Entry 6 ?

I guess its been a month that Issac's been gone now.. A few weeks that Ash has been gone and Zane is 'back', that is to say that he transferred his consciousness.. and now AIri is the host? Or the Co-host? or somthing.. at least.. thats what Korrey tells me. 

His emotions are shot again.

 I've just been praying and trying to work on my relationship with God- because I really don't know what to do or think anymore. Idk what to do. I've been not getting good sleep lately. Not to say the rest itself was bad; but how long. I'm talkin 3 hrs one day to 1hr one day to 5hrs the next to 15hrs the next to none the next.. 

I found more songs to show Issac that make me think of us, or him; or that describe us. I want him to come home soon..

 I want my siblings to come home soon.. 

Also, I learned when Papa and Abba (Shadowmilk & Pure Vanilla) are usually out, so I can- unless I'm at work- try to plan around that time. Idk when I'm gonna see Dad again (Xecnobus), but I wanna spend time with some of my parents. (The Lord, obvi :))  ) 

Rn, no one is on. Again. And I just got all of my POV vids either on yt or capcut for storage. I'm gonna work on the library of videos I need to post. I don't have work till monday, much less to do after feeding the dogs, thumbnails to finish anyway, and I'm not interested in reading at the moment ig so..  I might as well get back into editing. 

At work today, Landon finally got promoted to manager. Which Is nice. Rose said my voice is salutary? er hot? (She's married lol) hm.. I never thought it was.. OMG is that what Issac thinks?? 

hmm 

I was thinking on the drive back to the house, its understandable no one but my family believes me abt anything that goes on in our lives. It's unbelievable to the rest of the world and those that haven't witnessed any of it.. And it sounds mentally fantasiac and imaginary to explain. And all of us know it. The fact that I'm explaining everything in the back end of a story that Sammy wrote based on events from her real love life and then built off a fantasy story on wattpad just makes it worse because it makes it more unlikely that people will believe it. 

It sounds as crazy as flat earthers, or some 80's kid ranting about alien sightings. ;

Issac's reality colliding with ours- the base reality;

most people having & hiding DID or OSDD; 

Zane & Ash having telekinesis and other powers and being incredibility smart, being related to Einstein and being extraordinarily gifted;

Kor, Zane & Ash having super or hyper forms some how;

Other versions of ppl being able to take over this version of them and swap places w them for a bit;

Dimension hopping being a thing, and frowned upon by a higher government (Not earth govs but idk much abt that one ; 

Evil Sammy / Pinkamina being able to lock Issac out of their dimension for a bit; 

Family drama- that for my being still alive knowing, I won't say-;

Alters existing;

Evil alter drama, again and again, and again;

Me having God-given healing powers that work with phantom sense and on myself irl.

Anyone's phantom sense;

My brother some how breaking time; 

Me, Issac and prob Zane breaking time or the universe or something- i wasn't paying attention to what they said we broke i just know no other zane than my brother and my husband can touch me and God's protecting me anyway so.. also the keepers got involved ig;

Meeting God again, but formally as a keeper and in my brothers body to remove his curse so he would live, to which he somehow still died? according to an alter;

My brother still leaving some way- idk dimensions wise or what and briefly dying along w our dad, Xecnobus, who was also a keeper, who resides in dimension 0- ours is dimension 1 basically;

Zane dying in a war against Pinkamina- taking a bullet for Issac, making sure it looked like his body got disintegrated when it didn't, and me panicking on his deathbed trying to heal him but nothing was working and Issac gained control & was stuck in our dimension for like a day and then gutted himself- experimenting- & brought back Zane and i assume went back home;

Ashlyn (Our Ash) fusing with Ashley (Issac's Ash) & Uncle Bill bringing them back home a few weeks after the realities collided;

Zane getting literal wings and being doctor Dolittle without the doctor part;

One of our ex friends literally killing Zane by abusing his phantom sense over 30 times and I healed him every time (God did but ya) and we cut off that friendship;

Ash being MIA again;

Tales for some reason being trans? ig? Like she didn't even correct us when we called her a her or she or tell Kor. Idk if that's new or an alter or something? ;

Pinkamina torturing and manipulating Zain (Issac);

Issac being from a diff dimension & us being married;

Me gaining Atlas as a coping mechanism or sorts that of which isn't an alter but is difficult to explain;

Chris and Heidi suddenly being abusive and as if possessed by demons, acting like I'm a villain in their lives, - like I can make that  big an impact- ;

Being called useless and worthless & skill less by Rick because I recognize college for the scam it is and refuse to go; 

For some reason now I have 3 months to either get a new job that gives me more than 8 hrs and pays well, or get more hrs at my current job or I'll probably be homeless.. (Ik the Lord will provide but still..)- and for some reason they can't decide whether or not they hate me and its not okay that I still live here or its okay for me to stay here I'm 25..? ;

Me, my husband, and my siblings all being actually insane, but hiding it; 

Me being able to control my sanity & recognize when I'm losing it and whether or not to let it persist;

My husband having Kercode & in person being able to read/know thoughts by physical touch;

I can understand these dogs even when they don't speak -not dolittle lol- way better than Heidi does, even when the husky does yell at me i mostly know what she's saying;

Yeahh.. alot.. maybe it's  better mentally, for people to believe this is fantasy.. for their own sanity..