Scatter Hearts

4,9,2025.

I talked to grandpa today
We hung out. He told me the truth. It doesn't even faze me anymore but it deeply hurts.
Zane is a snake. A liar. So is tales. Issac and ash never existed.
Kor though? Why did he lie ?

New info now im confused.
Yes Kor lied but he's genuine. He thought it would give me hope he could find issac. Lilac was told what happened.

Apparently ash Was real but isn't anymore ?and Zane's not dead just in another reality.?
We're both confused on that and what it means. Did ash know us? How much did Zane fake?

We don't know if issac ever existed but we also don't know who "Zane" really is now since he's actually gone- who told lilac all of that.
Kor thinks it is Zane. I think it's alters left behind.

Theory:
Wait Zane isn't in our reality anymore right
What if issac is all that's left now?

If everything isn't .. fantasy ..

Im just gonna continue to pray. Prayer is powerful right? Ash will be real again. Issac will be here. Im not giving up. I already know that this is insane and im even more out of my mind even by our standards.. but they're gonna come back. And I'm gonna have proof somehow idk how. Because now the Only way any of it will happen is because of God.
In Jesus name..

Also this is a testimony to look back on when it happens..

The golf caddie job reached out to me again. I answered their questions after looking up and learning the answers and trying to study them. Im genuinely curious about golf now hm.

Also Atlas was present today when we hung out with our siblings. Ig I only feel them like a person when they're "out". We were both out today too. I think that's what , Atlas;Sainkra, is supposed to mean. Not just me being semi present. They are but are not me. Like Sammy. But also idk. Hm. Im noticing it's like that almost every time aside from when I try to force them "out" or active like to do chores when I don't want to be present but my hyper aware mind is too aware and it doesn't make a difference.

Also I applied at QT. I think it would be in the morning but idk, in comparison to the golf caddie. Ig which ever one hires me first I'll go with or re apply to QT with a more tight schedule so I'm not starving myself of sleep.

Kor tried sending the RP videos again. Gmail just really hates oculus man.. I gave him access to Sammy's old yt acc- the one I presently use- to upload stuff I can download it from there -if he isn't losing it again..
that came off weird. Idc.. I didn't mean it to. Im just unbothered by most things unless it's tied to my emotions or heart or something direct like people I care abt leaving or something. If I can't help, I'm not gonna push anymore. If they don't want help I'm not gonna push. My nature may be to try to help and press anyways but that's just hurting me. I still care; but I'm just gonna stop trying.