Fixer Review Shop [OPEN]

~ Review 67 - Forever Be My Always by IrenicJ_stories ~

Book Information

Title: Forever Be My Always
Author: IrenicJ_stories
Genre: Teen Romance, High School Romance
Chapters; 15 (9 to be read)

Reviewed by Sharon_nthelse

Plot Development:
• The plot progresses through conversation and internal thoughts, revealing Advik's interest in Vritika, his reliance on Yuvaan, and his somewhat complicated friendship with Disha.

• A shift in Advik's understanding of Vritika (her reading habits) which acts as a minor turning point, fueling his interest.

• The introduction of Vritika's absence and Advik's search for her provides a central thread in the later part of the excerpts.

• Potential for Development: the plot could benefit from more external action and perhaps some direct interaction between Advik and Vritika. The conflict with Disha regarding Vritika's perceived "boring" nature could also be explored further.

Character Depth:
• Advik: His internal thoughts are well-developed, showcasing his infatuation with Vritika, his reliance on Yuvaan for advice, and his slightly awkward interactions with Disha. We see his vulnerability and his attempts to understand Vritika.

• Disha: She comes across as somewhat impulsive, outspoken, and perhaps a little possessive of Advik's attention. Her teasing and occasional seriousness add layers to her character.

• Yuvaan: He is portrayed as a supportive friend, offering advice and a bit of comic relief. He seems more grounded than Advik.

• Vritika: She remains somewhat enigmatic, seen through the perspectives of Advik and Disha. Her reading habits and absence hint at a more introverted or independent personality.

• Potential for Depth: Vritika's character needs more direct portrayal to move beyond Advik's idealization. Exploring Disha's motivations and her feelings towards Advik and Vritika could also add depth.

Writing Style:
• The style is generally informal, using contractions and colloquial language ("Man! So on time," "You guys talk").

• Internal monologues are used effectively to convey Advik's thoughts and feelings.

• Dialogue is used to drive the plot and reveal character interactions.

• There are instances of dramatic flair in the dialogue and internal thoughts ("OH MY!", "That explains why you have been so romantic lately").

• Potential for Refinement: While the informal style suits the context, varying sentence structure and using more vivid imagery in descriptions could enhance the writing.

Originality:
• The core themes of teenage infatuation, friendship dynamics, and the desire to understand someone are common.

• The specific character dynamics (Advik's intense focus on Vritika, his reliance on Yuvaan, and his teasing relationship with Disha) offer some unique flavor.

• The "mission of 'Understanding Vritika Mathur'" is a creative way to frame Advik's pursuit.

• Potential for Originality: Exploring less conventional aspects of these relationships or introducing unique plot elements could further enhance originality.

Grammar:
• Generally, the grammar is sound and easily understandable.

• Potential Corrections: I noticed a few instances where punctuation or word choice could be slightly improved for clarity and flow. I will point these out specifically below.

Emotional Impact:
• Advik's longing and excitement regarding Vritika are palpable.

• The slight tension and humor in the interactions between Advik and Disha create some emotional engagement.

• Yuvaan's supportive presence offers a sense of warmth.

• Potential for Increased Impact: Deeper exploration of the characters' vulnerabilities and motivations could amplify the emotional impact. Showing rather than just telling some of these emotions could also be more effective.

Overall Coherence:
• The narrative flows reasonably well, transitioning between dialogues and internal thoughts.

• The shift in perspective to Advik provides a clear focus for the latter part of the excerpts.

• Potential for Enhanced Coherence: Ensuring smooth transitions between scenes and maintaining a consistent focus one the centrals conflict (Advik's feelings for Vritika and his attempts to connect with her) will be important as the story progresses.

Specific Potential Corrections:
• "My eyes shone seeing him." - Consider rephrasing for smoother flow, e.g., "My eyes lit up seeing him."

• "Wake up to reality, Advik." - The comma before Advik could be omitted for a more direct impact: "Wake up to reality Advik."

• "There are no trails of any human presence on the ground except for the two of us." - While grammatically correct, it could be slightly more concise: "There were no signs of any other human presence on the ground."

• "You. Have. Gone. Mad." - While the pauses create emphasis, consider if this style is consistently used for this character's speech.

• "I stood up from my place and planned to go outside of the classroom." - "Outside the classroom" is more concise.

• "'To—' Before I could say something, he interrupted in between." - "in between" is redundant here. Consider: "'To—' Before I could say something, he interrupted."

• "I know, right? She has got a bitchy attitude after all." - "has got" can often be shortened to "has": "She has a bitchy attitude after all."

• "My feet suddenly halted when I realized I didn't know where she might be. I decided to look for her in the school ground." - "school ground" should be "school grounds."

• "If any teacher sees us hugging like this, it's the end of the world." - The idiom is clear, but consider the tone. For a more teenage dramatic feet, it works.

• "A new problem was unlocked in the mission of 'Understanding Vritika Mathur'." - This is a stylistic choice, but ensure the use of quotation marks and the overall tone fits the narrative voice.

• "She is actually a deep ocean. Layers upon layers, there are secrets that hide." - Consider a slightly smoother phrasing: "She is actually a deep ocean with layers upon layers, hiding secrets."