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~ Review 75 - Lafz-e-Mohabbatein by TanshinaAfrin ~

Lafz-e-Mohabbatein by TanshinaAfrin
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Reviewed by katrina12234

Cover: 10/10

Blurb:
The blurb is well written allowing us to get a gist of the story.

Writing Style:
The story is written in third person, portraying the emotions and the love between the main characters. It is written in past tense with a clear indication of when the times change.

Flow and Pace:
The story is written at a very well pace, allowing us to connect with the characters.

Character:
The characters are well written allowing the reader to imagine and connect with them.

Plot:
The plot is very well portrayed. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Grammar:
Though the story is really good, I did find a lot of grammar errors in the book.

1) Missing indefinite articles before nouns. Example epitome of the 50s. Blue-eyed-haley comet of the Indian cinema.

2) There are sentences which need to be re written. Some of them are becoming to long and confusing.

Ironically the one who ruled the entire world's heart, had a whole in his own. He had left his vast fame, name and incompletness to live through the ironic on and off screen pair RajMadha.

3) some places the adjectives are a bit wrong

She slowly surrendered herself to slumber. Limbs freezing numb.

Her peaceful slumber was punctured by a rapping on the door.

Slipping into a chiffon salwar kameez.

Something else was sown into his heart

4) words are also missing in some areas

At the very start of his stardom.

The following day

5) maybe in place you are changing from present to past like 1942 Bombay. Maybe just add that bold. Just for formatting.

6) there are a few that need to delete a word

Though she must to earn their bread, the helpless teenager also longed an exploration of this extravagant city.

She glanced up to (replace with "and") noticed that same face.

She instantly stood up and closed to him (replace with "stood closer to him").

I am sorry for tomorrow (replace with "yesterday")-He is just-

The mention tensed her nerves. This isn't really sounding right. Maybe re write it.

Like which ones I should take and which ones I should decline.

7) He leaned closer, quickening her breath.

Could this be re written better?

8) Only she did was blink at the paper.

The only thing she did was blink at the paper as he watched him clamber down three stories.

9) There are many other places which needed to be edited, and unfortunately I can't type them all out. I will recommend for you to re read the work, and edit it.

Overall:
I thoroughly loved the plot and the style of the story. The only problem was the grammar. Call me strict, but grammar is one thing that can make or break a story. There were multiple places in the chapter where I had to pause because the grammar wasn't right or the way the sentences were structured didn't look right. I would suggest re reading each chapter. I have highlighted a few places above, but there was only so much I could type out.

I would suggest to read a chapter three times before publishing, not in one go, but with a fresh mindset. It usually helps with figuring out what is wrong.

Overall, the blurb, the cover and the plot were really good. I enjoyed the interactions between the characters.

One other thing I would like to mention, you had poems in the book, ones you wished to dedicate to the story. Maybe indicate that this isn't a chapter for the plot in the title. Also the author notes at the end of the chapter, maybe make them bold too, so that it can be easily recognized.

Thanks and I do hope you take the feedback positively, not negatively. The book was really good, but as a reviewer I was paying extra attention to details to help improve. 😊