Fixer Review Shop [OPEN]

~ Review 83 - Protectors to the Queen of Hell by LedaConclave~

Book Information

Book Title: Protectors to the Queen of Hell
Author: LedaConclave
Genre: Paranormal fiction, Romance
Target audience: 18+
Current status: 3/ongoing
No. of pages read: 3

Reviewed by jambudweep

REVIEW

PLOT

The plot follows a nineteen-year-old girl, Cyndel, who possesses abnormal superpower and magic, hiding it from the human world she is living in away from her real home. Her father, the most powerful person of her home world, sends two of his men to protect her from the outer world and get her back to their world before she turns twenty.

Cyndel is living happily with her friend, Serenity, in their apartment, with a job in hand and good people around them. However, Cyndel's mind always lingers on the thought of her father finding her, she is comparatively enjoying her freedom.

But, things turn upside down when these two boys show up. Demons and eerie creatures start attacking their lives.

All of these four creatures are trying to fight the demons, while there is a hint of bickering, love blooming, and other emotions are evolving in between them.

FIRST CHAPTER

The opening of the first chapter sounds cozy and calming with its descriptions of the cafe, mentioning coffees, warm sunlight, and people's laughter.

The following paragraphs follow two friends, Serenity and Cyndel, having some sort of conversation from Serenity's side, while Cyndel appears somewhere lost in her thoughts.

Following, the plot foreshadows the fluctuating relationship between Cyndel and her father. Then, it shows an info-dumping about Cyndel hiding her secrets by explicitly saying it.

Afterwards, we get to see a glimpse of Cyndel's working place—a bookstore, where she encounters a suspicious boy who was looking for some dark book.

The plot transitions pretty fast to the Orchid Club, reflecting the lively environment of the surroundings. And, the chapter ends with a mysterious voice parking up Cyndel's ears, making the readers anticipate with who it would be, or what will happen next?

There are some grammatical and technical errors which hinder the flow of the story. A close proofreading or an edit shop can help get rid of these hurdles.

"Serenity *vent on about..."

"...at her friend *across the table."

"Cyndel laughed, Serenity was..."

"Serenity *exclaimed from the table..."

"She met Serenity *on her first..."

"Anyone here?!" Cyndel yelled

"Looking at him back from the phone..."

"...religion sections," Cyndel said..."

HOOK

Though, the plotline is interesting with the demons and humans interconnection, the lack of vivid descriptions are making it hard to truly enjoy the story.

Additionally, the technical errors that include punctuation marks, awkward phrasing, awkward word interpretation, preposition mistakes, and so on contribute to that lack of engagement.

Thus, the author might consider bringing sensory details in their descriptions like expression, body movements, actions, smell and sight to make their tale more presentable.

One more thing, the story contains 70% narration and only 30% dialogues. Balancing this ratio might raise the readers' engagement graph, as in that way the readers would be able to feel everything instead of just reading them on the screen.

CHARACTERS DEVELOPMENT

The book contains just three chapters at the moment. So, it is hard to comment upon character development based on the provided context. But, we can talk a little about each character:

Cyndel, the protagonist, appears to be an occasional frustrated character with the messed up thoughts swirling in her mind. The way she pulls out a dagger in the bookstore at the sight of the suspicious stranger shows that she is going to be a strong-willed character. And, the way she comes forward in order to provide some help when the demon attacks one of the boys, shows her empathic nature.

But, she also perceives a cautious personality as she tries to keep her friend, Serenity, away from her protectors. Moreover, the way she sticks out a tongue at one boy, it hints at her childish nature.

Serenity, Cyndel's friend, is a cheerful, careless girl who enjoys every bit of life. 

Nasir and Azael are the protectors sent by Cyndel's father. Among them, Nasir comes off more composed than Azael, who appears to have a bit of a temperament.

Thus, these are interesting characters, and with the course of time, their personalities will bloom like flowers.

Yep, that's all! The author can implement things they think will work for them, or just follow their own mind.

BEST OF LUCK!