Survived Me: a Shatter Me fan-fiction (Warnette)

Chapter 130 - James

⚠️TW⚠️

Self harm (sort of, picking at skin as a habit to the point where it bleeds)

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JAMES'S POV:

Nothing seems to make sense anymore. Everything around me feels like it is a ticking time bomb, waiting for the clock to count down, so it can detonate.

When Adam... left me, it was like all the fight in my body left me, leaving me defenseless against the demons that haunt me. Adam is the only one who knows the night terrors that seem to catch me off guard whenever I close my eyes. Adam is the only person that has always been there, no matter what.

...

But he is gone now - and he chose to leave me behind. I think that's what hurts most, not the fact that he left, no, but the fact that he didn't take me with him.

I mean if he had come to me and said he had to leave, go into hiding, I would have gone with him - no matter what he'd done. I simply wouldn't have cared. He is my big brother! Sure, so is Warner, but it isn't the same.

I know everyone here hates him, but I can't bring myself to. After everything that Adam has done for me, I mean he raised me, dropped out of education and joined the military just so I'd be safe - that isn't someone who is as evil as everyone thinks he is.

I remember when he used to read me bedtime stories when I had woken up from nightmares - he had, at that time, to attend high school and also undergo heavy military training, every day, and he stayed up with me, soothing me.

I simply don't believe he is a bad guy.

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Since Juliette woke up three days ago, no one sees much of Warner anymore, so they all kind of run this sector with what unexpert eyes - sure, Castle ran Omega Point, but that was never the same thing as a military base. Whereas Warner is an expert, he's done the job the better part of his whole life.

"Ugh this is so annoying!" Kenji groans.

We are all sitting in the Warner's gym that was sort of converted into our living quarters when the whole war was ongoing, now we have our own quarters, thankfully, because if I had to spend one more day in the same room with Kenji, Ian and Adam arguing all the time - I think I'd pull a Juliette Ferras and go insane.

"Well, maybe if you stopped complaining and actually tried, you'd be able to do them." I said, looking at his face when the words reach him, he is clearly unimpressed.

"Woah, thanks a lot kid!" He leans back in his chair, he is sat at one of the desks that had now been put in the, what once was, gym.

Castle goes over to where Kenji is sitting, glancing over whatever it is that he is making a big fuss over. "Come on Kenji, it's only patrol routines, you were a soldier for goodness sakes."

"Yeah well I never had to make the router, I just followed it."

I laugh. "From what Adam told me, you didn't."

The room tenses.

I feel the sheer uneasiness that has suddenly swallowed whatever atmosphere once was.

Castle and Kenji are both visibly uncomfortable at Adam's mention.

"S-sorry." I look down at my hands, only now noticing that my habit of picking at my nails, has left them bleeding in some areas, like around the finger nail of my left thumb, that had been overtaken by redness and a few dents from where I have picked at it.

The sight makes me question something; I know that something like this should hurt, should sting, but it doesn't.

I take a deep breath.