• Forever •

Chapter 49

Chapter 49:

The woods have always been such a calming place for me. Not only does it bring me peace and comfort, but reassurance. Sometimes when I'm feeling as though life has taken its last toll, I come out here and just sit for an hour or two to compose myself and my thoughts. This morning I woke up at the crack of dawn by of course another nightmare. I didn't scream or thrash so Peeta stayed asleep. I left him with a note and a kiss and kissed Addy too. My morning here in the woods has brought me back to reality and I finally feel at peace again.

I can tell by the shadows of the trees it's around 8 so I get up and head home, knowing that Peeta will be awake. Addy is very unpredictable. She has so much of Peeta in her but every now and then shows a little side of her that is all me. Most days she's up as soon as Peeta is, others she sleeps until lunch (that is definitely me).

As I walk in I hear her talking to Peeta as they paint.

"But Daddy, that's not fair. You and mommy don't have to go to school." She says.

"No we don't, but we had to go to school when we were your age too." He replies.

"But why can't I just stay home all day with you and momma." She asks.

I walk in right after she says that. She sees me and runs up to hug me.

"Hi momma. Where were you?" She asks.

"I just went to the woods for a little bit. What are you guys doing?" I ask.

"Painting. Look momma, I painted the woods for you." She says bringing me her canvas. It's all a bunch of mixed brown, green and yellow blobs, but I guess if you squint it could resemble the woods.

"Oh wow, sweetie I love it! Thank you!" I say. "Wanna hang it on your wall?" I ask.

"Yeah!" She says and we go and hang it. 

"Okay why don't you go wash up and me and daddy will make you breakfast." I say.

She scampers out of the room like a little puppy and finally I can talk to Peeta alone.

"So, she was arguing about school again?" I ask.

"Yeah she just keeps saying that it's not fair that she's the only one that has to go to school." He says.

I take his hand and say "I know she'll love it, I can feel it."

I can already tell that even though Addy is being stubborn about it, she'll love school just like Peeta. While we're making breakfast Addy comes down and of course starts talking a mile a minute. I'm not really paying attention until she said something about having a brother or a sister.

"Wait what did you say sweetie?" I asked her.

"I said I wish I had a brother or sister sometimes. So I always have someone to play with. Like Hannah." She said.

Hannah was Greasy Sae's youngest grandchild. She comes from a big family of 5 kids and Addy must have gotten an idea of having a larger family herself.

"Well honey, it doesn't happen right when you want it to. It just takes time." Peeta says.

I'm still kind of in shock and I'm not really sure what to say.

"Well I hope it happens soon." She says and that was the last thing she said about it. I'm glad it was though. I wasn't able to take anymore questions that I couldn't answer truthfully.

Addy's 5th birthday is next week and me and Peeta have been trying to think of what to get her. We bought balloons and streamers to decorate the house and Peeta is going to make strawberry cupcakes which are her favorite. We're just having my mom and Haymitch over for the day, nothing too extravagant.

Later that day while Addy was upstairs playing with toys Peeta came home and peeked in the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Where's Addy?" He asked.

"Upstairs playing, why?" I said.

He came back rolling a bike. "These just came in the store today. They're selling out like crazy." The bike is pink and has sparkles all over it and little pom pons on the handle bars. This is the girliest bike I have ever seen. When we were little our bikes were always hand me downs, and when a part broke, a mismatched part would replace it.

"Oh my god I love it!" I said. "Where are you gonna put it?" I asked.

"Probably this front closet, I know she won't go in here." He said.

"Yeah you're right." I said.

He came over to me where I was sitting at the table folding laundry. He took the towel out of my hands and took my hand. He could tell that something was bothering me, and something was. I couldn't stop thinking about what Addy said earlier about having siblings. 

"Hey." He said softly. "What's on you're mind?"

"I just can't stop thinking about was Addy said.
About having siblings. I just, I cant explain everything truthfully to her and I hate that I can't do that." I said.

"Katniss, don't feel bad about that. I know how hard it was for you to go through this pregnancy with Addy, after what happened with the first pregnancy, but if she asks questions we're going to have to sugar coat some of it."

"I know I just feel bad, she wants siblings so bad, I just don't know if I could go through another pregnancy." I say and I start to cry thinking about how much Peeta would love to have a big family. "I'm sorry Peeta, I know you want a big family. I'm sorry that I can't give you that." I say turning away from him.

"Katniss, stop. I love you and I know this is a touchy topic. I don't want to push you, and you've already given me Addy. We're a family. That's all I could ever ask for."

"I'm sorry, I just I feel like you resent me for it sometimes. I know you don't, but I can't help but think that way."

"I never, ever want you to feel that way. Ever. Katniss we need to just enjoy what we have now with Addy, before she gets too old and starts to hate us." He says jokingly.

"Oh god," I say sniffling. "I don't know if I'm ready for that."

"I can't believe she's almost 5." He says.

"I know. I can't wait for her to see her bike. The look on her face will be priceless." I say. "You really are a great father, and I'm so thankful for that."

"Hey, I'd do anything for my two girls." He says kissing my forehead.