• Forever •

Chapter 20

Chapter 20:

The last week of my life has been hell. Everyday all I can think about is poor little Ivy, who never got to see me or Peeta. Who I didn't even feel move around or kick. Who is dead because of me. I've been had nightmares about her. It's awful knowing that your child died before it even took a breath.

Me and Peeta are grieving differently. The day after we got out of the hospital we both just laid in bed and cried all day. The second day he got up and moving while I still sat in my bed. He brought me food and every once in a while but I never ate it. The third and fourth day he just came in the room to check on me and sleep. He told me he was either baking or running errands but I could hear him crying downstairs, I never mentioned it to him.

Peeta came up to our room with breakfast for me. He sat on the bed and started rubbing circles on my back. "Hey I have some pancakes for you."

"I'm not hungry." I say not facing him.

"Katniss," he begins, "You can't just throw your life away. Things will get better, I promise."

I just get angry at this comment. "Will it Peeta?! Will it?!!" I yell, turning to face him.

"Katniss I get that you're really upset, and I'll never understand what you've been through, I won't, I'm just saying maybe we should just try our best to move on." Peeta says.

"Peeta I can't. I just can't do it." I say.

"Katniss it was my baby too! Okay? You don't think I'm devastated? I am but I know that if I don't move on, it will only get worse." He says.

"I'm sorry Peeta I know, it's just...it's...I can't..." I stutter.

"What is it?" Peeta asks.

I start bawling. "I just, I can't look at you! Every time I see your face...I just, I break down!"

"Katniss," Peeta says.

"And I was finally starting to get used to having a baby and I wanted it to be just like you, and now I look at you and I'm crushed." I say.

Peeta let's out a few tears. "Katniss I'm sorry, I really am, but we can't help what happened in the past."

"I know, I just wish I would stop blaming myself." I say.

"Katniss, stop saying it was your fault!" Peeta says.

"It was though, I wished it. I wished I wasn't pregnant!" I shout.

"Katniss, it's not your fault." Peeta says again. "Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe this is just some cruel way the universe is telling us we weren't ready."

"Maybe, I just wish it wasn't so painful. Ya know? I never even felt a kick." I say.

"It's okay Katniss, maybe if the universe is kind enough, they'll give you another chance." He says.

I smile slightly "Maybe."

"C'mon, how about you get out of bed and we can go for a walk?" Peeta asks.

"Okay, not a long one though." I say.

"What ever you want." He says and kisses my forehead.