• Forever •

Chapter 34

Chapter 34:

Today is the day. The day Peeta is leaving. When I wake up and he's not next to me, I start to think he's already left, but then hear the shower coming from the bathroom. I get up and notice he's already started packing. I can't even bear to look at his suitcase. I told myself I wouldn't cry today and I would keep it together, but I know that's not going to happen. I walk downstairs and make a pot of tea. Peeta comes down as soon as the tea finishes.

"Morning." He says coming over to plant a kiss on my cheek while grabbing a mug. "Can you pour me some tea?"

I pour him the tea and see he's already brought down his bag. "What time does your train leave?" I ask.

"10. I know it's kind of early, but I'd rather get there earlier in the day to start treatment." He says.

My breath hitches when I realize that I only have an hour left.

"Hey," he says rubbing my arm, "you'll be okay, it's only three days." He says. "Plus, your mother's next door and Haymitch is just across the street."

"Yeah, I just don't want you to go alone. I would never be able to go by myself. I just want to help you." I say.

"Katniss, I know you'll be fine without me, you can make it three short days." He replies.

"Okay." I say, not believing it.

I still can't believe I agreed to let him go by himself. I don't understand why he wouldn't want me to go with him. I know he doesn't want me to see him looking helpless, but I see him looking helpless all the time, after flashbacks. We sit and eat breakfast in silence we're just finishing when he gets up.

"Where are you going!?" I ask alarmed.

"To put my plate in the sink?" He says as if it were a question.

"Oh." Is all I say.

"Katniss please stop worrying about me," he begs, "I don't want to leave you a wreck."

"I know, it's just hard to think about it. You would be feeling the same way if the roles were reversed." I say.

"You're right," he says smirking, "you always are."

This brings a small smile to surface on my face but it goes away as quickly as it comes. He walks over to the door and I start to panic for a minute, but realize that he's only getting his coat and shoes.

"Are you coming to the train station with me?" He asks.

"Are you kidding me Peeta? Why wouldn't I?" I say.

While I puts his shoes on I put on mine. I run up stairs to grab a jacket and come down to see Peeta ready by the door. I choke on a sob seeing him there with his coat on, suitcase in hand and quickly swallow it so I don't seem weak. I walk over to him and grab his hand, holding it tightly as we start our walk to the train station. We walk in a peaceful silence and before I know it we're on the platform waiting for the train.

I can't keep myself together and I start bawling. There's nobody here so I don't feel ashamed but even if there were people here I still wouldn't care.

"Peeta, please, please let me come with you." I beg in between sobs, sounding like a small child.

"Katniss, don't do this. You know you can't come." He says sincerely.

I embrace him as tightly as I can, holding on for dear life.

I just cry into his shoulder while he sways us back and forth. He starts to smooth down my hair and whisper calming things into my ear.

"You'll be okay."

"It's only three days."

"I'll be back before you know it."

I don't believe a word he says. For him it might seem like just three days, to me it seems like 3 years.

I hear those awful brakes of the train pulling up behind us. I hold onto him tighter, as if it were even possible and my body racks with sobs.

"Please Peeta!" I beg. "Please!"

"Katniss, I have to go." His voice cracks at end. It finally hit him. He realized the distance between us for the next few days will be unbearable.

I take his face in my hands and kiss him with all the love and passion I have in my body. We kiss until both of us have to break away due to loss of air.

I'm still hugging him close. I pull away a short distance and rest my forehead on his. I just stare into his eyes, trying to memorize the shade of blue. I take in all the features of his face, the bridge of his nose, the small, barely noticeable freckles on the apples on his cheeks, how his left eyebrow arches slightly higher than his right, the shape of his lips. I kiss him once more and the train blows it's horn, signaling its departure.

We start to separate slowly. "I love you." I say.

We're still pulling away, my right hand in his left. Our fingers are just separating when he says, "I love you too. I'll see you soon."

We don't break eye contact until he enters the train and takes a seat. He waves and gives a sad smile. I give him a sad smile back. The train starts to pull away and I feel more tears run down my face.

I don't want to go home just yet, seeing the house will remind me to much of Peeta, and I don't think I'll be able to handle that right now, so I find myself at my mothers front door. I think about knocking but end up walking right in.

"Mom?" I call out.

She comes into the foyer seconds later with a dish towel in her hand.

"Katniss, how-" She stops short, taking in my appearance and realizes where I've just come from. "Did the train just leave?"

I can't even speak so I just nod my head. She opens her arms and I don't resist walking right into them. There's a familiar feeling, not like Peeta's hugs, but a feeling of comfort. This makes me feel like I'm a small child again, my mother keeping me safe from a bad thunderstorm, or coddling me after I've fallen and scraped my knee. This feels safe. Finally, after about 20 minutes of crying in my mothers arms, I stop and we make our way over to the kitchen table for tea.

"Katniss, I didn't think you would ever fall in love." She says. "If someone told me you would would end up married, to Peeta Mellark at that, I probably would've laughed in their face. But now seeing the way you look at him, and the way he looks at you, I couldn't imagine it any other way." She finishes. "You really love him."

I nod. "I do."

"I know that this is hard for you, it'd be hard for me too, but don't just shut yourself out for three days, he wouldn't want that." She says.

"I know. I'm going to try." I say. "It's just so difficult to be away from the one you love." I say looking at my lap.

"Believe me honey, I know." She says.

I completely forgot that she has lived the past 7 years away from the one she loved.

"You just have to take it day by day." She says sighing.

"I'm sorry I said that. My situation is nothing similar to yours." I say.

"No, it's quite the same. I just want you to take my advice and try not to become a shell of a person." She says.

"I promise, I won't." I say. And I intend to keep this promise.

My mother and I sit and talk for hours. I see its 2 o'clock by the time I leave. It really is a blessing to have my mother next door. I walk into my house and go to the pantry to get a snack and see Peeta made cheese buns. The note on the top read:

Try not to miss me too much, here's something of me to remember while I'm gone. Don't eat 'em all at once!
All my Love, Peeta

I giggle at the note but also tear up. I grab one and go to the couch to watch T.V. I don't pay much to it attention and end up falling asleep, imagining I'm safely in Peeta's arms.