Eclipse of Hearts ✔

3. Crushed Paper [Alyssae]

Alyssae stared out of the window. She held a feather in her hands, but couldn't find the right words. She knew she had to tell Thorin that she was expecting a child. She wanted to tell him first and in the meantime she couldn't deny her pregnancy, although she did not understand how it could have happened. Had Thranduil's curse been nothing but air? Had he scared her, just to lay his hands upon the gems? She knew it would only increase Thorin's anger, but he deserved the truth.

She cast her look back to the empty parchment on the writing table. She could not even think of a suiting beginning and in the end she only wrote down his name. There were hundreds of things that she wanted to tell him, but she decided to stick to the point.

Thorin,

I don't know how to say this and it is awful to use a letter, but Thranduil's curse never existed. I am pregnant. We're having a baby. I don't know how we have to do this, but you deserve to know this.

She stared to the lines she had put on the paper. It sounded emotionless. A sober observation of a fact nobody could deny. As if it didn't cause confusing feelings. As if she didn't miss him, as if she didn't long for a message every day. She rumpled the piece of parchment, threw it in a corner and started all over again. 

The pile of crushed paper kept growing and the sun already went down when Alyssae finally put a dot on the paper and decided to keep the letter this way. The idea that Thorin would read her words, did so much to her that her eyes were puffy and red.

Months have passed by since I left Erebor. Since then I wonder how you're doing. Is the construction of your city going well? Have many dwarfs returned? I would like to stop by someday, but I fear my father will prohibit such an undertaking. 

Chyndall doesn't feel like a home anymore. Everyone is worried and I can go nowhere without someone keeping an eye on me. I miss the mountains and the rivers. Is miss all of you. I miss you, Thorin, more than ever. I am sorry you have to hear this by letter, but I can't travel to Erebor in my current condition. 
 
A few weeks after my return I have discovered that Thranduil's curse never existed - or it hasn't worked, at least. Maybe because he hadn't taken into account the fact that you're not an elf. I am pregnant, Thorin.

I don't know how things will work out in the future, but of course I want our child to know its father. I hope you can come here when I have given birth to our son or daughter. I will make sure you will be received warmly. This is in converge with my decision to leave, but this is something none of us had foreseen. Not even Thranduil. 

I hope all goes well in Erebor and I hope to hear from you soon. 

With love,
Alyssae

Biting on her lip she rolled up the parchment. That was that. It made her nervous that she couldn't see his reaction herself, that she had to wait for a letter. She pressed her seal on the role and walked to one of the doves that were bred for this purpose.

"Bring it to Erebor," she whispered, letting go the bird. In a flash she thought back to the last time she had sent a dove. Thorin had beat the animal out of the air, afraid she would betray him. The fear to be betrayed had never left him, as he had shown later. Even after they had both admitted they loved each other, he had crossed the line because he thought she and Thranduil were hand and glove.

She watched the bird, holding her belly with her hands. The life that was growing inside, was more than a child. It filled her with euphoria for it had sustained Thranduil's evil. It gave her hope - hope that it would reunite Thorin and her, so  she could smile again.