Eclipse of Hearts ✔

10. Too Much Too Ask [Alyssae]

Alyssae glanced for a moment in his emerald eyes, not knowing what to answer. She was totally baffled now Raphael seemed to have a brother and she wondered why he had never said anything about this Eldinòr. Would Melline know? At least there would be some more guests ...

Eldinòr spoke elated to his brother, but Raphael was remarkably quiet and his eyes flashed nervously from left to right, confirming her presumptions. Eldinòr and his men plausibly belonged to the Nirgoonva. Notorious elves that she only knew from stories. But Eldinòr's accent, the tattoos on his arms and chest, the jewels around his fingers and the silver spheres under his lip spoke for themselves, so that Alyssae could understand why Raphael had held back the existence of a rapacious, corrupt seafarer. 

After all, it was unusual that her father permitted Raphael to marry his daughter and this appearance wouldn't have made things better. Still she didn't believe father would have changed his mind, since his other daughter had been intimate with a dwarf. A royal dwarf to be sure, but still a dwarf. 
 
When the men went inside laughing loud and disturbing the peace, Alyssae had a flashback. Months ago it had been twelve noisy dwarfs who had disturbed the peace in another elf city. 

Alyssae decided she didn't want to hear the commotion. It was clear that Eldinòr talked easily and she believed he could take care of himself. She went to her own room. Her back hurt, she was tired and since tomorrow would be a long, emotional day she decided to go to sleep. She was glad Melline and Raphael would marry after all. After Alyssae had told her parents about Thorin, they had understood that it would take some time before their eldest daughter would marry, so her father wanted to give away his youngest daughter, instead of her.

Alyssae stared at the ceiling, thinking about tomorrow. She didn't look forward to see her sister and Raphael kneel before the altar, knowing she should have stand there with Thranduin. The fact that they would promise each other love and loyalty, hurt deep inside. She would be there on her own, together with an unborn child and her thoughts with a man who had forgotten her. He must have read the letter by now and Alyssae even considered to send a second one out of fear that the letter hadn't reached its destination, but she didn't dare. She knew very well Thorin had received the letter, but he clearly didn't long for any contact with her. She clearly belonged to a phase of his life that was over.

He had known how to carry on with his life, while she clung to memories that only caused tears in her eyes. When she closed her eyes, she could hear his voice. She relived his hands gliding across her back and caressing her breasts. His lips touching hers, his tongue turning tenderly around hers. The joy that had flown through her when they had become one - resulting in something that should have been the evidence of their love.

She remembered the song he had written for her. Words that didn't seem to be more than words.

'The miles will pull apart, but I will not lose sight of the gift that I've been handed, been blessed so much but why? I feel so undeserving but I wanted you to know; you're the brightest shining star I've ever seen.'

Would he ever think back of that song? Did he see her when he looked at the stars? Did he still consider her as a blessing - or as a curse? 

Alyssae couldn't let go of all her hope, but deep inside she knew better. If he really missed her, he would have sought contact. Even if he cared just a little about her, he would have written back a letter. But even that was too much to ask.