Eclipse of Hearts ✔

Chapter 62. [Thorin]

Thorin closed his eyes after hearing those words. Repeatedly he chewed on the inside of his lip, hoping it would help him to suppress the sudden tendency to cry. 
He couldn't believe it. Even now, after his confession about Aymara, she kept loving him. She wanted him back. He couldn't think of a single reason why she would want him. He never could, let alone now.

Thorin didn't know what to say. On the one hand he didn't want to confirm those words, for he still believed she deserved better. On the other hand this fight against himself was wearing him out. If Alyssae still wanted him, despite all his shortcomings, and believed she could only be happy with him, why couldn't he just say what he wanted for such a long time? He wanted her to be happy, but he knew he couldn't prescribe how she had to achieve that goal. He wouldn't even know how.
When he  opened his eyes again, he took note of some tears that had escaped anyway. He sighed and stared at his feet. He was terrified to expose himself, although he found she deserved the truth. 
"I - I love you," he whispered. "More than I could ever show." 

After those words he broke. He buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. It felt as if something that had lived inside him for ages, which he had constantly ignored, finally had eaten a way out. 
"I - I am so sorry."
He didn't even know what he regretted. His whole life, probably. 
The feeling of guilt didn't leave when she pulled him close. Her lips touched his forehead and her arms held him tight. He had missed her. He had missed her so much. 
"Everything is gonna be alright."
Thorin wanted to believe it. He wanted to cling to it. He wanted to cling to her and so he did. He took her slim body in his arms, so tight it seemed they became one. He just wanted to hold her, nothing more, nothing less. He just wanted to hear her breathing and listen to her voice.

After a long time Alyssae let go of him. His cheeks were wet and he stared ashamed at the ground when he noticed he was the only one who had cried. 
Alyssae placed a hand against his cheek and moved his head upright, so that he looked into her purple eyes. Her fingertips stroke his cheek, followed his eyebrows and moved down across the curve of his nose. 
Thorin's heart beat in his throat and he swallowed nervously when she looked deep into his eyes, bending forward to kiss his lips. Spontaneously he didn't know what to do. Never he had expected to feel the soft stroke of her lips again. 
With hesitation Thorin opened his mouth, afraid to lose control. Afraid that he would do something wrong again, disturbing the magic of the moment. The tip of her tongue touched his and he had the feeling his whole inside burnt. His stomach shrunk while he kissed her back. He wanted to bring his hand to her cheek, but stopped when she came closer. When he lowered his hand again, his fingers rested on her lower leg and moved over the smooth, soft skin until he reached the back of her knee.
Her own hand rested upon his chest that went up and down heavily, even though her fingers seemed to absorb the tension a little. He pulled back his head  to place some small kisses on her lower lip. 
Hesitating, burdened by an enormous uncertainty, he looked her in the eyes. In a fit he pushed a string of her dark hair behind her right ear. 
"You're back," Alyssae whispered, her eyes gleaming with tears. 
Thorin didn't know what to say. He was confused by the feelings she caused, which conflicted with the cold life he had led for such a long time, and of which he couldn't fully free himself yet. 
He closed his eyes again to kiss her, hoping his love for her would eventually chase away the rusty, negative emotions.